sillellis :: call me chubs.

2012-02-22T12:20:00.001+08:00

i don't usually remember my dreams, but this one that i had this morning was kinda vivid.

i dreamed that i was caught in a earthquake, but instead of running away from the collapsing buildings around me, i hung around, wanted to go back up one of the building to look for my iphone.. hahaha.. it's not what you think -- what i really wanted to do was to call my dad and see if he was all right. he was with me earlier in the dream but somewhere along the line my mom and i went out own way.. we got into a lift when suddenly we were floating in zero gravity.. i think i felt my stomach physically turning. i looked up and somehow saw the sky and the lift was kinda falling apart but it didn't and miraculously, it actually stopped at the ground floor.. then i got out of the building and saw that the buildings around me falling apart.. i don't think the grounds was shaking though. and i remember thinking, it's the end of the world. and i said a short prayer. i saw big chunks of concrete falling from above in slow motion and crashing to the ground, but missing me by quite a bit.. i was quite scared and yet i was compelled to go back into one of the buildings to look for my phone..

and i jolted up by my alarm clock. the end.

2012-02-13T18:16:00.001+08:00

[via]

2012-02-08T14:19:00.000+08:00

if i were my blog, i'd probably battling with the questions of whether i the blogger love me the blog. if it isn't apparent, i'm going through the writing slump again. which might kinda reflect the state of my mental acuity: that nearing mush. i haven't been reading so much so that i have no idea where the last two books i was attempting to finish are. they are somewhere in some bags methinks. no idea.

anyway, i just read another blogger's tip for blogging: blog anyway. so here i am, blogging anyway. mm maybe i can share a couple of my resolutions for this year. i was past that stage of making resolutions to the stage of adamantly not making resolutions and it's come a full circle, i am making resolutions again. life's like that.

What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
10 Is there anything of which one can say,
“Look! This is something new”?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.
Ecclesiates 1:9&10

two resos at the top of my head:

1. i want to learn to speak and read Chinese. time to break the mental resistance. i hope to hook up with one teacher some time this year, but knowing my knack for procrastination, any time NEXT year is fine too.

2. i want to minimize iPhone fiddling time when in a conversation. i often find it hard to focus when people talk, but i've gotta try!

kthnkbai4now.

Instagram pp.

2012-01-20T00:36:00.000+08:00

I love my Instagram but there are two things that annoy me:

1. OTT fangirl gushiness and marriage proposals. Srsly, did you think that your idol will go, "Oh so many hearts in this comment. Why, The least I could do is to marry her!" You poor girl.

2. More hashtags than number of words in caption. So messy! And do you reeeeallly need to? Offenders are usually photobugs. Yes I am still your friend and the least that I'm doing is being passive-aggressive about this, cos I know how much it means to you.. not. Sorry.

And yes, I follow JB on Instagram :P

totally wicked!

2012-01-11T18:23:00.004+08:00

We couldn't be happier..
because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true!

Had the most awwwwwesome weekend down in Singapore. Been looking forward to this for MONTHS! And when it happened, it was every bit as amazing as I had hoped it would be.

Except that I wish Fiyero was better looking. Oops! :) Hehehe.. We got some pretty good seats too, for SGD145. But I forgot my glasses again! I mean, I have not work them in years, but I don't see super well in dim places. So yeah, I might have missed out on some details.

The theater was in Marina Bay Sands (where the casino is), and the whole place just screams MONEY!! In fact, the whole of Singapore (at least where the shopping is) screams MONEY. It's the spirit of the city I guess: insatiable want of material possession.

I was singing along (verrrryyy softly) to all the songs, cos I know them so well! I've been listening to the CD forever now (now to weaning myself off it) and it really helped in getting into the mood of the show. I practically could see the whole show in my head (except the non-singing part).. and it's better in my head, cos Fiyero is much better looking (sorry!)..
I just love the storyline, the "untold story of the witches of Oz".. the friendship shared by the girls, and songs, oh the songs were just lovely. *contented sigh*

At peace.

2011-12-31T18:59:00.001+08:00

Psalm 131:1-3 NIV
My heart is not proud, Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.
But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content.
Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore.

2011-12-30T17:12:00.000+08:00

i don't usu recap the year: too shy to brag about the good things (though i must note that i flew the most this year compared to previous years: i was in tawau, bangkok and philippines for holidays, and miri, kuching, hong kong (twice!) for work.. that's not counting driving destinations like singapore (twice!), penang and PD -- i can't wait for next year!!)(and yes, a thousand times yes, there has been so more to my life that just the travelling), and not really wanting to relive the bad. i'd just say this: 2011 has been a good year, and i'm beyond thankful. if i were to pick a word to sum up the year, it would be settled. it's been a rough past few years prior, but things have been falling nicely into places.. and i can say this unflinchingly: i'm happy! :)

derek webb's lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil

[ala Robin] holy matrimony!

2011-12-27T11:02:00.000+08:00

married at last! hehehe.. i gained a new sister over the weekend as my bro took my SIL's hand in marriage (well, they were officially married on 09.09.09 but only got to performing all the ceremonial rites + dinner the past few days - dinner on Christmas, no less!)..i didn't take many pics the past few days as we used the family camera for the pre-wedding day activities, and had engaged a photographer for the wedding day itself.. will post more pics when i get the whole batch! :)

the wedding was a mainly family affair.. it's been a tiring past few days but it was so fun to meet all the relatives from yonks (srsly, i won't recognise 60% of them if i were to bump into them on the street on any given day).. my cousins and aunties (and hubby!) were a big help in getting the day going.. i was there to show my face for most part hahaha..

my first time witnessing a 上头 (hair-combing) ceremony.. i didn't know people still do it haha..

the vicious chee-muis and sacrificial heng dais jip-ping the san leong (lit. fetching the bride (?)).. my cousin sis led the chee-muis into torturing the heng-dais and it was really fun to watch! haha.. i got to be there as i had to lead the in-laws from Penang to my cousin sis' place where the bride was waiting.. the chee-muis really put a lot of thought and efforts into entertaining the crowd and making the dudes suffer :D

the dashing groom and blushing bride
白头到老 oh! ;)

left: my baby bro with the angpow he received for opening the door for the bride.
right: me and sis and our dinner 'do. ;)

my parents were delirious with joy, striking a pose with "cool" hand signs.. and later with the newlyweds.

2011-12-22T17:28:00.000+08:00

we won't be celebrating christmas this year, as it coincides with my brother's wedding. it's a mixture of feelings of missing out one of my favourite days to celebrate the couple's big day. i've taken to cheering myself up by listening to christmas tunes and having a small virtual tree on my desktop. i must have an christmas open house next year! and you are invited ;)

The King and I.

2011-12-11T23:40:00.001+08:00

I liked durian when I was young. Durian dinner was a family affair, with all of us sitting round on the living room floor; dad would deftly open one fruit after another, faster than we could pop them into our mouths.. That, or we'd mix the flesh with a hot bowl of rice. We'd also be keeping an eye out for a good piece of shell to end dinner with the drinking of water straight from the pipe onto the shell, to "cool off the heatiness" of the durian.

Then one day, I think I was 17(?), I just decided that I don't like durian. I'd sit out from the makan fest, and just watch while they eat. I wasn't turn off by the smell -- I still don't get how gwailos would describe the fragrance of the King of Food as vomit-inducing stench -- I just abstained. The family couldn't understand it and neither did I, but I didn't begrudge it. And the idea of durian and rice? Major turn-off!

Then I got married to a durian lover.

I'd know when the fruit is in season. His cravings would start and my house will carry the lingering smell. That saying, if you can't beat them, join them? Haha.. Well I did. These days, I can't describe my rship with the fruit -- one day I'd eat it, and the next day I won't. Back and forth, back and forth. I guess it's "complicated" eh? Haha! Anyways, for the record, today I had three biji of thick sweet flesh ones. And dare I say, yums? :)

Yours.

2011-12-11T11:27:00.001+08:00

Psalm 139:1-10 NIV

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

向昨天说再见.. not so soon!

2011-11-23T16:09:00.001+08:00

when my colleague cj out of the blue yesterday told me she downloaded a couple of jimmy lin's songs for me, the first thing i did was to thank her, and then giggled, and then giggled some more. ah, the good old days of idol crushing. *giggles*

if you did not know already, i was a HUGE fan of 林志颖! i think he was the only singer i've obsessed over. i had all his albums and newspaper cutouts and posters (not pasted on my walls thou') and all his songs painstakingly translated into pinyin word by word and memorised. i'd buy Chinese magazines just for an article with him - i've a ring file full of everything him. i was taken in hook, link and sinker by his boyish looks and cute pop songs (which incidentally, are a PAIN to watch now. i looked up some songs over youtube just now and seriously, they are cringe-worthy ahahahahhaah).. it was intense. and then he went for his national training, and just like that, the crush was over.

today, i asked cj to download several more songs. it has been a fun day listening to him.. and being 14 again!

我的知己是谁我的心情谁体会

谁说少年的我不懂愁滋味

也许这是成长的感觉

我也曾经流泪我也曾经徘徊

其实我也需要一点点安慰

带我走出封闭的空间

一起向昨天说再见

寻找属于我们的世界

年轻的梦都将实现

只要我们用心去追

一起向昨天说再见

写下属于自己的明天

所有界限都将穿越

等待我像展翅高飞

林志颖 - 向昨天说再见

20.11.2011

2011-11-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

It's an auspicious day to be 33 [LOL!] so happy birthday to me.. ^_^

May I find what I I'm looking for, whatever it is.

Thank you God for your love and blessings and mercy and grace that overflows in my life.

2011-11-14T23:38:00.001+08:00

I'm walking down a well-trodden path, yet feeling rather lost and somewhat lonely. It looks like I might be here for a while; peering suspiciously at what appears to be complacency or is it calibration. But for most part, I'm actively idle.

When I'm behind the wheel, I don't mind, and sometimes even welcome, getting lost (but I hate the snag that's the traffic jam when I'm looking for a way out).. I always learn a new route or bad one in getting back on track, and it's kinda exciting when the aha! moment strikes (again, just no traffic jam please).

That's when the previously greyed out area in the map that's in my head reveals itself when the dots and destinations connect.

It's 11.11.11 11:11AM right now.

2011-11-11T11:11:00.000+08:00

Just thought I'd commemorate the moment (yeah I do this, but I still haven't posted anything about my anniversary two weeks back.. Tsk tsk!Hehe..)(Btw, we turned NINE on 26.10.11 -- Yay us! =)(and I'm happy to behappy)(and I miss the hubby now that he's away..comebacksoonhubby!!)..

Anyways, I love November - it's the most awesome ofmonths, only because I was born this month. We Novemberians are a loving, cutebunch ahem.. really. I haven't met a Noverian I don't like, have you? ;)

Nov signifies the time to start winding down (I know, it's like we've just started and somehow the year went over us like, whoosh!) and reflecting on the year goneby.. and going for holidays with the AA flight tix youbook last year.. and weddings to attend.. and scrambling to finish off off the to-do or to-achieve list. And erm.. shopping for Xmas (dread dread dread!).. It's nice, cos the year is not year over and at the same time, somewhat behind us.. Thanks Nov, for being gentle.

Away.

2011-11-10T01:56:00.001+08:00

I want to be somewhere somewhat (far) away. I want to feel at home in another place; to be a foreigner then maybe a friend. Just for a week, a month or a year.. not too long, I still belong here.

Her Majesty The Big Headed Prawn Highness

2011-11-05T01:18:00.000+08:00

I should start a new label to tag all the posts chronicaling the many times I royally screw up. Sigh.

My mind must have left home for the day before my body did that evening. Maybe it was never really there in the first place. All the receipts from my recent work-related travelling and daily parking which I meant to submit to accounts had been neatly stuck on several sheets of paper and painstakingly labelled, all these.. I threw them away and I left for home. Yeah you read that right. Sigh.

I didn't realise they were missing til two days later in the middle of the night when I thought I would just go thru them again before sending them in. They weren't home and after a sleepless night I found they were not in the office either.

The thing is everyone in the office has been uprooted from our place due to
a renovation which took place ove three weeks and we've been in and out of the office throughout. But I looked and looked all over, retracing steps and all. I could only surmise that I'd discarded all RM700 into the bin (it was actually wayyy more but to console myself I put the loss to 700).

I just wanted to belasah myself for this act of sheer carelessness. Alligator tears were shed. I thought of ways to get some of the receipts reissued but the bulk of it seemed irrecoverable. I can only say... PADAN MUKA!!!

Hubby suggested that I talk to the Audit ppl to work out something. I pooh-poohed the idea. And continued to miserable. And decided to work put how much the actual damage was so I cld further self-bash. Thankfully, one good habit I kept a record of most expenditure. One brownie point. Minus 100 for everything else.

So, it came up to RM1,300+. That's friggin' substantial, no?

But it turned out, the man had it right all along. I finally did speak to the Audit person on charge and she reviewed my claims and declared it reasonable so asked me to submit my claims without receipts. And I did so unhesitatingly. So yay! :)

[Haven't gotten the cheque yet so not popping any champagne bottle yet.. all ready nevertheless ;)]

It's the little things.

2011-11-04T01:01:00.000+08:00

Ought to be shot.

2011-11-04T00:52:00.000+08:00

I'm being openly judgmental here but there is this divorce that's all abuzz online right now that everybody saw coming (probably not so soon but if you thought it was gonna last, you must be the last of the dinosaurs) that I frankly have nothing nice to say about the marriage and the breakup. I buy nothing of the sobs and geez, I'm just so so annoyed at how irreverent their view of the institution of marriage is, and I sure was thinking unholy thoughts when for some reason E! thinks that there are still milkable moments from the wedding episode and I happened to tune in when the bride uttered the til-death-do-us-part part of her vow. Obviously it meant nothing to her. That, or she's dead now. Heart broken? Boo-xxx-hoo.

I miss my sibs. pouts

2011-10-31T00:52:00.000+08:00

Thank God for Whatapps where I'm updated of (almost) all things going on down south (bowel movement even -_- thanks, sis) and they, up north here. But nothing beats being togeder-geder! *continues pouting*

A beautiful beginning

2011-10-23T15:30:00.000+08:00

Photo collages from Lili's bachelorette bash last night. Everything was gorgeous is many ways. X-rated pix and chats are thankfully not uploadable ;) I wish the couple a lifetime of marital bliss.

Dickensian.

2011-10-20T18:10:00.001+08:00

What greater gift than the love of a cat? - Charles D.

To Rex with love.

2011-10-19T01:40:00.000+08:00

Have I posted this pic before? I guess.. not? Anyways, Nasi Lemak 2.0 was HI-to-the-LA-to-the-RIOUS! Directed by the sensationalist (as chongy wld call him), no-stranger-to-us, beanie-wearing director, Namewee, and heavily inspired by Stephen Chau's Fod of Cookery, NL2.0 is filled with scenes and speech that hit close to home (if you're a Msian and you can't laugh at this, you're sooo a pendatang ok!), with no lack of LOL moments (and a couple of goosebump raising scenes too). I'm suitably impressed at his directorial debut effort--I hope he's more goodies in his bag!

Annnd it even brought my parents back to the cinema after what, 25 years?? Yeah, the last time they were in one, the single-screen Rex and Cathay cinemas were still in operations, movie posters were hand painted not printed, cinema floors would be covered in kuaci seed shells after each showing and tickets cost like 3 bucks. And I was alive to remember all these. Ooo...

Look what the wolf brought in.

2011-10-17T23:43:00.001+08:00

24 books at RM200. Kuh-ray-zee, no? I'm one pleased bird.

Can you spot my new favorite author? ^_^

Hey Nora, Nora!

2011-10-16T01:40:00.000+08:00

Caught The Secret Life of Nora on Fri night with ww my de facto musical kaki (major bummer that we won't be catching Wicked in S'pore together :( ...

Had been wanting to watch Nora since I first saw the poster, but forgot all about it, esp with the busyness that was September. Saw a friend's Instagram of the show last weekend and immediately dropped ww a text. Happily, she was game. We got the cheapest tix (RM53) haha, and got a seat wayyyy up on the 3rd floor. Oh well.

Anyways, just a quick few words on the production. Verdict: Loved it! Even from wayyy up. It's light, entertaining and fun! Too bad we couldn't really see the actors' faces. The songs were okay (nothing compared to Puteri Gunung Ledang! :) Tiara looked and sounded good. Ryan Silverman was ok (Stephen Rahman Hughes has better vocal -- I keep comparing this to PGL cos I lurrved that). Adiba Noor was awesome--methinks she stole every scene she was in! Tony Eusoff was quite a character too :) Aznil was OTT (his character is supposed to be OTT but he OTT'd it another notch, I wasn't impressed) buttt he seemed to be a crowd favorite, which I don't get. Oh well. The crowd was rather responsive, which was very cool. :)

Overall, an enjoyable fare. :) And oh, really dig (dug?) the props/set and costumes too :) I think the show's run has been extended. Go watch!

off the roof!

2011-10-14T15:19:00.000+08:00

no, it’s not about my level of awesomeness, or anything remotely that.

I just received the medical report for the basic blood and urine test I did a few weeks back, and highlighted in pink are numbers pertaining to my physical wellbeing that in no way reflect how I feel. in other words, I feel great but my numbers suggest that I am a walking time bomb. yeah, my cholesterol level is so high that instead of a number, I got an asterisk (*), which my physician told me it was because the number so high their machine can't put a number to it. Yao mou. Pffbt.

right now, I’m thinking that ignorance is bliss when it comes to health. the worst that could happen is that I drop dead la. but noooo.. I’ve got to worry about if the next morsel of food entering my mouth is deadly, whether if I’m working those muscles enough, blah blah.. life is short enough as it is and now this? *GROANS*

pardon the language...

2011-10-14T12:14:00.002+08:00

[via]

but sometimes i wonder. hmm.

Thirty one.

2011-10-06T00:15:00.001+08:00

Still can't wrap my head around the idea that she was in her twenties -- let alone 30s! If there's a moment worth freezing, it would be now. I'm sure no one really get a good grasp of life as it goes on its merry way.. Mm this post is digressing haha..

What I really wanna say is HAPPYBIRTHDAYSISSSSLOVEYOUHUGSSS!!! Moga bertemu jejaka idaman soon, someone worthy of you ;) Awww.. and oh, FOREVER18 [in my eyes]!!

Hitched.

2011-10-05T00:44:00.000+08:00

If there was a friend who I barely speak to and rarely meet, yet I simply adore and appreciate, this is the girl.

Maybe it's because in many ways we were cut from the same piece of cloth, and of course, we shared in the pains inflicted by a ruthless boss *cough*, so there's just something about her and us that I hold dear in my heart.
The girl tied the knot just last week to the boy of her dreams (and about time too!)(they've been together like 7 years?), and I'm just filled with sheer joy for the couple. May their union be a blessing to many, and that it be filled with love and laughter.

hello city.

2011-09-30T00:16:00.001+08:00

Got to go Hong Kong for work this time around, was very happy (thanks to the boss who made it happen ;) Everything about the trip was great, esp the food. Well, it'd better, esp when it goes into the thousands per meal. We'd some glorious roast goose daily, amd a banquet of other decadent dishes that are beyond me to name :)

Loved our lodging (chk out Lanson Place on Keswick Rd), even when it meant having to share room w the boss. Didn't mind the nightly late nights slogging away; Sept is our dont-even-think-of-breathing month, so yeah. Our HK office, despite its modest size, overlooks the harbour and an awesome view. Did I mention the food? *contented sigh*

No, I won't pay to go back to HK. It's beyond our means as budget tourists. But on the company's tab? Bring me back anytime! :)

happy birthday husby! ^_^

2011-09-13T23:55:00.000+08:00

strangely, chongy was the one who first called him husby, as in when she was referring to him, and not when addressing him. but of course. hehehe.. i thought it's quite a cute mistake, and took to adopting the term, alternating between the usual hubby and husby.

anyways, it's his birthday today. and i was away at Miri for 23 hours of this day. did not manage to catch an earlier flight home (it was full) and ended up home only at 11pm. urgh. maybe we'll celeb this weekend. somehow we have never been that big on bday celebs so it's no biggie. this time is the same, BUT i'm kinda excited cos i know what i'm getting him ^_^ (well not really cos he hasn't really decided on the exact model, but yeah i'm totally stoked at the idea of giving him something he really could use! =)(gift buying is frustrating, and i've stopped with the men's shirts and ties and wallets a long time ago)

anywaysss, we spent the last hour of the day out at a nearby cafe having a late supper which means bad news for the waist and probably mean that i will be in VERY LATE to work tomorrow, but who cares? it's the husby's bday! hahaha... and we are here at the cafe, typing away on our own laptops. hahahahaha.. some world we live in.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HUSBY! XOXO!

this is silly

2011-09-09T14:26:00.001+08:00

but i love it! hahaahahah...

[via; see also]

reminiscing.. :)

2011-09-09T02:44:00.001+08:00

somewhere in the lion city, c. feb '11
sometimes i just can't sit still
most times, actually :D

a whale of a time

2011-09-08T14:59:00.001+08:00

[inspired by this -- thanks lils :D]

2011-09-07T10:20:00.000+08:00

[via]

tu-i-tion

2011-09-07T09:56:00.003+08:00

i found out last night the girl under my tutelage is a math olympiad. and i was like.. WHOA. and WHOA. and WHOA again. felt so humbled. and so envious.

speaking of tuition, and speaking of speech, i corrected her pronunciation of awry (that is, it should be a-rye, not aw-ree). while it's not an oft-spoken word, i told her that people might do a double take if she pronounced it correctly because most of us are used to the wrong pronunciation (which we probably only hear in our heads, since it doesn't come out in conversation very often)(when was the last time you use awry?)(i learned this lesson in my 20s, so i am assuming that everyone is as slow as i am hahaha)(oh well :| ).

still on the topic of tuition, i have a young pair of twins who are very weak in English (my rule of thumb to the other students that thou shall speaketh no other language other than ye olde English cannot apply here)(i practically conduct the class in my half past six 华语 *pats self on back*)(too many parentheses derailed my train of thought -- where was i..? oh.) that it takes considerable effort to read or spell simple words like sad or shy --they have no prob with happy though -- and unsurprisingly, no problem with spelling angry. guess where they learn it from? (hint: steve jobs made it possible)

it's actually quite fun being a tuition teacher (except for the rush to leave and the traffic jam parts in getting to their homes after work - that makes me wanna quit every week *whimpers). sometimes i wonder how i get away with it because i still struggle with explaining the technical parts (and you can see how this blog is littered with grammatical errors -- i know, i cringe when i spot them too)(and of course i feel it in my guts doesn't cut it), but they seem to be receptive. i could only hope i'm actually teaching them something.

twenty years on

2011-09-02T17:11:00.001+08:00

what was in that tea?

2011-09-02T04:21:00.001+08:00

bleh, another sleepless night. typing this on my laptop cos data usage on the iPhone is again at a precarious level. oh maxis, would it kill you to give us another few GBs or so? would it??

had a good few days off from the Raya and Merdeka hols. was supposed to be in als with jaz but i didn't wanna take friday off so the trip tak jadi for me. then there was supposed to be this 1 day makan trip up to ipoh with the husby's boss and wife, but that too was called off. guess i was meant to be in KL this week. :P

so yeah we met up with four Chinese church leaders who came in from Baguio for a week's trip en route home. had fun playing host, introducing them to malaysian food and people. went to Agong's Raya open house (first time in my life!)(missed the timing thou' so had to be content with just peering in from outside)(took pics with two malay families who were all dressed up for the occasion, explaining that it was so that our chinese visitors could see up close their traditional garbs, and they were very sporting!), walked about in Little India, Brickfields (almost bought a saree. if only!)(everything was so colourful) and KLCC (only viewed it from afar)(too many people).. i love thee, my dearest malaysia (that's soo corny but i can't think of another way of saying this, not at this hour)..

got to meet up with PS & SP on the second day of raya -- which totally reminded me of the trips my mom used to bring us on when we were kids. mom has two good friends and she would take us on bus rides to jinjang (was it kepong?) or OUG to visit the aunties and sometimes we would stay over. so yeah, we were catching up on all the important details about our lives, our families, jobs, neighbors, in laws, boring auntie stuff like that.. and i totally love that what the three of us share is like what mom has when she was younger..

ah, it's september already. whoever let you creep up on us like that?

Resolution 4Q2011: There is but ONE

2011-08-28T01:26:00.002+08:00

LOSE WEIGHT.

Need to start shedding some kilos for my bro's big day come Dec. I wanna look nice, or at least decent! This gives me about 3 months plus to get into shape.

I'm a hefty 60+++ kg right now, and the target is minimum 5kg.. Losing 2kg per month would be just about nice.

I'm not sure if I'm all-talk only but I sure do hope that I'm more than that. Wish me the best! :)

I love you

2011-08-25T00:45:00.002+08:00

Those three words doesn't roll off my tongue easily, especially if I have never say it to the person in particular. They do escape my lips sometimes, when I muster enough guts to utter it, but more often than not, I prefer to keep mum. Alas, there are a handful of people that I really want to tell how I have made for them some very cozy room in my heart.. and that I care.. and that I'm there :) But I guess some fears are more paralyzing than I could handle. I hope my actions would then speak for me (then again, I'm not a very action oriented person :P so I guess some people will never know)

That said, I would lose all inhibitions when it comes to cats. Erm yeah, I can go all gushy and would start professing sweet nothings and everlasting love to a random cute cat that I come across. Am I a cat slut?? Hahaha.. There is just something about how graceful the way they move, the I-couldn't-care-less attitude, how soft they feel in your arms, and the fear that they might just swing that paw and leave you with an unsightly scratch mark, all these that just melt my heart like chocs under intense spotlight. It's either you get what I'm saying or you don't. For those who do, check this out and smile/nod along with me! :)

2011-08-24T01:23:00.004+08:00

The colourful shopfronts in Kch I was talking about. There's a whole stretch of 'em. Nice right!

Can't decide on a date to go for Wicked. I wanna do it in Dec, while the holiday mood is still in high swing.. But the only window is the week after Christmas.. But it's kinda tight, and I think there will be a lot of ppl. Don't wanna endure both traffic and human jams if I could help it. Maybe the first week of Jan (when everyone's still shaking off the holiday mood) but I don't know if the rest wanna, if they could settle on a date in the first place. Might be going on different dates :( It's def way more fun if everyone could make it on the same day but see how lah.

I was thinking democracy doesn't work all the time -- Obama should just call the shots and do what he thinks is best (in another word, totalitarianism ftw!)

It's almost strange...

2011-08-23T00:19:00.008+08:00

... now that I lie on my bed, to think that just 30 hours ago I was few hundred kilometres away, walking down a river bank, snapping away with my phone intricate leaf patterns and paved sidewalks and colourful presumably antebellum shopfronts and a lazy cat rolling near my feet, and 24 hours before that we were cooking away in my kitchen with fiery red kimchi and egg coated rice and fistful of garlic and onion, and 30 hours before I was tucking into a plate of Penang nasi lemak at a celebratory lunch because she is staying, a decision made not more than 16 hours before that. Well, I'd use surreal and not strange if not because I think I've overused it in this blog. Oyasumi nasai, minasan..

2011-08-21T00:51:00.000+08:00

Welcome to another edition of my nightly rambling, just because I can't sleep and I've made it a habit of sorts to send one entry off before I hit the sack since my somewhat ironic announcement about me not writing.

I've had some pretty disturbing dreams lately, very intense, almost logical. Of course I forget about them the moment I got up, but when a screenshot of what I dreamt off the night before comes to me during the course of the day, especially when I think about a person who happened to bd in the dream, I need a good few seconds to sort out what's real and what's somnial.

I'm going away tmr for a super short trip to a CATpital city eastward of KL. I like it that I'm clocking so many travelling days this year, whether for work and especially for leisure. Enjoy the different view and possibly the distraction. If only I could go away further and longer. Am thankful, nevertheless. :)

2011-08-20T02:13:00.002+08:00

Today I met a mother of a twenty year old son with Asperger. And I fell head over heel in admiration of her patience as she told of her story and and of her kindness as she filled our stomachs. Blessed are her kids (and all) who are on the receiving end of her love.

Today I yet again vowed to lose weight after seeing that surreal figure on the weighing scale.

dreams do come true :)

2011-08-19T16:42:00.000+08:00

I've heard it said
that people come into our lives for a reason
bringing something we must learn
and we are led to those who help us most to grow
if we let them and we help them in return
well, I don't know if I believe that's true
but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you

like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun
like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood
who can say if I've been changed for the better?
but because I knew you, I have been changed for good

wicked the musical :: for good

Details here. And if Les Mis ever made it here, I'm ready to go home Lord! :D

So yeah.

2011-08-19T00:23:00.001+08:00

One goodbye is averted, and yeah, separation anxiety is cured. Heh. It's been a torturous week with all the uncertainties and going back and forth. She is staying for another good few years or so. I guess I'm good for another one or two.

He whatsapped me outta the blue and with a sad, tearing emoticon told me that his mom is diagnosed with the dreaded big C. What? No! Sigh.. Why? Why? Why? Why indeed. The big bowl of chickpea steaming in my pressure cooker right now reminds me of the container full she gave us. Just keep them in the freezer and heat up some whenever you feel like snacking, she said. One of our favorite snacks ever! Get well, Mrs F.

speaking of..

2011-08-18T00:13:00.001+08:00

how my temper is a thorn in my flesh, there are other things about me that I wish I don't have to deal with. Like my strong sense of self-righteousness (which makes me highly intolerant of what I perceive as nonsense), how absorbed and lost in my own world I can be (which makes me oblivious to or uninterested about what goes on around me), also how I justify the hypocrite in me (which makes me the very person I scorn). Yeah stuff like those that are so inward looking (selfish in another word), I wish they aren't my problems. Grow up, will ya?!

A long apology for something I didn't do..

2011-08-17T01:16:00.002+08:00

or haven't been doing to be more precise: Writing.

The juice hasn't been flowing, and I'm not forcing it. It's just another writing dry spell I guess. There are a lot of ideas floating about, and I'm letting them be. If any should find roots and bear fruit, I'll immortalise it here. Things are a-changing in the real world, the same one where politicians are making themselves out to be monkeys and it's getting too painful to know. Everything's too fast too many too soon, and I have no concrete idea what's going on and what's gonna happen. I'm living life by the day, and I don't like it. Feels like the bigger picture is fading in and out of focus. I don't want to settle for routine yet I am too lazy too incompetent to figure out stuff. I want to be passionate about something someone somehow. I'm chasing that elusive high by lying down and not moving. I am irked often and I hate the person I am when I lose my temper, though it's funny that line about how temper is never lost, as it's always there to be unleashed. I also need a new hairdryer in the real world as mine just almost blew up in my face. Almost. And I had the most wonderful time with the family in Port Dickson so thank you God.

2011-07-30T00:06:00.001+08:00

My bffs are Sara and Lina. They love writing to me -- I get an email, sometimes two or three, from them everyday, always telling me about the good stuff they come across. I appreciate them very much.. but sometimes it can get a bit overwhelming.. cos they just write and write, each jostling to get my attention to the point of spamming. But I don't have the heart to tell them to stop -- just in case there's I miss something that I should really check out, you know. So more often than not, I just ignore their emails.. Haha.. Oh well. I'm sure they don't mind, those chatterboxes two. So cheers to these two gals. Life is surely more interesting with them around. :)

-----------

for a moment there

2011-07-22T11:45:00.000+08:00

i thought i'd found you.

then, false alarm.

2011-07-19T23:30:00.000+08:00

sorry for the inconsistent spurt of posts. it's just the way i am inspired. hehe..

one more pix from the past!

this was taken at awana genting - our de facto accommodation at genting each time we went up. i'm sure you can easily guess how we posed for this pic. yup, those were the curtains from the hall. wah, i didn't realise that i was so tall. hehe.. oh i could have had a modelling career *cough*

2011-07-19T12:26:00.004+08:00

i am older than my dad and my mom now than they were in these pictures. i cannot imagine myself a parent at this age, what more at theirs. i wonder if they knew the weight of responsibilities and sacrifices that come with having a family (does anyone?? haha i don't think so.) but they did their best. and i am thankful ^__^

oh btw, being the first child, i have like tonnes of pix from when i was a kid. hehehe.. this might explain why i love taking pics ;)

with dad outside our house. i've no idea what was with the hat -- was it my birthday? :) with mom at the playground near stadium merdeka. we went there often. the place was demolished to make way for the current carpark i think. have you been there? could we have met when we were toddlers? ;)

thanks, sis, for taking pics of these pics.

love you, mom and dad!

the yellow dress

2011-07-18T23:30:00.004+08:00

when the BERSIH rally was around the corner and i realised that i don't have any yellow piece of clothing, my thought immediately went to this dress. it was one of the rare few dresses that came to me new (we wore a lot of hands me down when we were younger -- from who i have no idea -- but i didn't mind it then and i still don't mind it now. in fact, today i'm wearing a grey skirt my boss gave me.. so yeah :) i wore the yellow dress mainly for family outings, seen here at muzium negara (could you have guessed? :) but i remember wearing it to school as well. my bros, born a year apart, were often seen in similar getups.

methinks the math geek in me just exploded...

2011-07-18T14:28:00.000+08:00

into a million euphoric bits! ^_^

what pi sounds like:

what tau sounds like:

we're your dreamgirls, dreamgirls will never leave you ~

2011-07-14T12:03:00.003+08:00

caught Dreamgirls the Musical at Istana Budaya last night -- won a pair of tix from Broadway Academy (who got the show together) when i went watch one of chongy's performances at their premises. the hubby reluctantly became my date when for one reason or another, friends kept turning the tix down. he enjoyed it somewhat (though i caught him with eyes closed at one point :D)

i went in with little expectation but wow, i came out suitably impressed.. and to be honest, i felt more entertained than i did with The Sound of Music (sigh, i know right?!) so yeah..

it was the preview night, and we got like one of the best seats in the house! w00t! i think it makes all the difference as well. and Istana Budaya definitely has a better set up than KL Convention Centre. i loved the props and costumes and almost seamless scene change and the choreography and direction. the singers were good too (chongy said there were some pitching probs -- but it escaped my untrained ears so it's okay hehe) so it's all good and yay and double yay!! :)

if i had a gripe, it was the sound -- the men mostly sounded muffled, though the ladies had it better. i hope they fix it before the big day. :) other than that: GO WATCH IT!! :) SUPPORT LOCAL PROD!! YAY!! k, 'nuff w the gushing, bai.

for ticketing info: go here
for the musical's blog: go here
for broadway academy's website: go here

separation anxiety

2011-07-06T10:29:00.000+08:00

i don't feel too good. for some reasons, i have been especially tired this week, almost to the point of exhaustion, when my day is not even near hectic. and the worst thing is, i cannot sleep. sometimes i wish i was sick just so that i could guzzle cough med and amble off to dreamland.

well, that's that. right now, i'm dealing with said anxiety. can't say much, just that i won't be seeing someone as often as i would like to, very soon. i knew this was coming, we've talked about it for days on end, but now that it is finally happening.. sigh. well, i have been engineering my own departure too, just that the person just beat me to it. bleh.

mom was tending to the garden one day when lo and behold...

2011-07-05T18:00:00.002+08:00

c.1979 i was one. it was hot.

i can't get over how cute i was as a baby.. WOULDN'T YOU AGREE?? ^__^
i wish i could pick me up and hug me and just pinch those cute cheeks. awww.. :D

2011-06-22T13:59:00.000+08:00

i found this in my pendrive recently. drew this (on powerpoint) one evening back in my torture chamber, within line of sight from the lair of the infamous miss nomer, right around the (6+x)th draft. this chart applies to every writing task she's commissioned. her "efficiency" still gives me the chill.

raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...

2011-06-17T00:08:00.004+08:00

#8
there's just something that i love about the city at night, the tall buildings in particular. they seem more imposing then than they do in the sun as they bask in amber glow of a thousand spotlights. sometimes i imagine them bending down like a gentle giant and carrying me off. i wish i remember who fed me this image. their facades seem all the more sturdy and stoic, but it's just that: a front, to suggest that there are no skeletons or surprises or secrets behind them. oh don't i know better. but i rarely have time to be curious -- for about the only time i get to experience this is if i worked late and need to walk to the open air car park which means that i would be too tired to think, let alone be inquisitive. all the better. i just walk quietly past, fully aware that i am alone and just enjoying the solitude. this explains my affinity for that city down south, for i get unhurried access and feeling safer when doing so. wish i was there now, but where i am, in a seaview hotel room with the balcony doors open, listening to the waves from the beach, here isn't too bad either :)

blackbird singing in the dead of night
take these broken wings and learn to fly
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to arise
blackbird singing in the dead of night
take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free

sarah mclachlan :: blackbird (the beatles cover)

Friendship takes place when one person says to another, What? You too? I thought I was the only one. - C. S. Lewis

2011-06-10T17:10:00.000+08:00

i'm in a fairly good mood. yay! mm nothing to blog about so here are some random stuff. the pics are big to make up for the lack of substance. hah!

loved kungfu panda. i laughed and laughed and teared and laughed. i wanna watch it again. and again. and then watch the first one and then this one again. like po said it, aiiiii-lurrrrveee-youuuu-guyssss ^__^

and there's this family who's waiting for me, and I CAN'T WAIT to meet them!!! :) but first, i have to spend a few days in the jungle. literally.

i'm hooked on this iphone game called Birzzle. it's a very simple gameplay, just drag the birds together and they will burst/explode. i can't seem to get past level 30 but getting there takes about 30mins.. and i've spent a quite a number of 30mins.. i might need help soon.

meanwhile, bookdepository has been kind to me lol -- i bought two books during their 10% off promo in May and have just started reading this. i like this cover compared to other darker one :) but the book came with some dents :(

bought two deals group deals recently - one from Groupon and one from Dealmates. in internet transactions i trust. *gulp*

that's it for today folks. have a good weekend!

2011-06-07T12:16:00.003+08:00

i might have posted this before, but since i was asked again today what it meant, i would like to post it again, cos you know, i just love my name :D

[well, i didn't quite like it growing up, cos "ellis, as in alice in wonderland?" gets tired after a while..but i love the book though :)]

[and btw, i don't quite like to hear my name mispronounced *cough*jazz*cough* but yeah, i'm kinda used to it already. actually, no. hahaha..]

2011-06-03T12:06:00.004+08:00

our bangkok trip pics are up on FB! *click here* :)

the jury is still out on how the trip went. let's weigh it out:

LOVE IT

The two places we put up at in Sukhumvit were at good locations -- walking distance to both the MRT and Skytrain. We took the tuktuk only once, but otherwise, were travelling by trains. Very convenient. Most of the places we wanted to go are easily accessible, on land or water. +5pts
Foot/body massage - only B160 per hour. Lurrrve it. ^_^ +5pt
7-11 is everywhere. We needed a lot of water. I also had a pack of Lay's chips every night. Hahaha.. +1pt
Pineapple and mango are easily found too. Sweet, cooling -- just great for the weather. +2pts
Thai street food is amazing. Cheap, delish, ubiquitous. *drools* +10pt
Platinum Fashion Mall & Indra Swould have been a better experience had I girlfriends with me. The offerings are just overwhelming, maybe because I was too tired by the time I got there. Love the the cheap accessories! +4pts
Jim Thompson's House was a nice tour - enjoyed the historical background, not so much the retail section (pricey) +1pt
Chao Phraya River ride was quite nice. I lost half of what the guide was explaining cos her accent was rather heavy, but I love river cruises. +1pt
Most Thai people are very friendly, but we met some who reacted as if we just said a bad word. 0pt

LOST LOVE

The weather. PANAS GILA. seriously. -10pts
After a scorching afternoon, it would pour then drizzle at night. This might have been a plus point, if we were indoors. But night time is food time. And we had to brave two nights of drizzle to scour for our meals. Many stalls were not open due to the rain. Bah. -5pts
While lodging was conveniently located, we still have some grouses. The first place was kinda run down. The aircond was not working. The second place is very clean and comfortable but the water pressure was almost zero.. Did not enjoy the showers at all -- very important after a long day our. -4pts
Did not manage to visit Chatuchak cos we went on weekday while the market only opens on weekend. No floating market experience for us too. 0pt
Patpong Night Market @ Silom was terrible -- constantly harassed by purveyors of mass produced knockoffs and strip/sex clubs. Boring, boring. -3pts
Suan Lum Night Market @ Lumphini has closed. And we found out when we reached there. -1pt
MBK Mall was huge but I didn't quite like the stuff sold there. Can be quite kitschy though there were a couple of gems. -1pt
Struck out with tomyum and green curry. Preferred the tomyum in Chiang Mai. Green curry -- is it a foreign thing? Hardly any place sold it. - 2pts
While goods are cheap, the quality can be questionable. -2pts

Hahaha.. they about break even (margin too small to declare a clear winner). Looks like the jury's gonna be out a long long time. Maybe we will meet again some day, Bangkok.. :)

2011-06-02T11:46:00.006+08:00

i worked late last night, leaving the office just as a carriage somewhere turned back into a pumpkin. but late nights are not common so i don't complain. plus i guess i need to make up for the cumulative hours i get in late in the morning. and the hours i spend not working. i digress.

i like what i do. some. there are a lot of things i wish could be better, but till the tide turn, here i am. and one of the things i enjoy is editing. by now i can somewhat confidently (yeah, contradicting, i know :) say that i'm pretty good at it. i think. i suck sometimes, i'll give you that. but overall, better than the average yusuf on the street. i have to be, it's my rice bowl :) i digress again.

i like examining the nuance of each word, then fitting and arranging them in a sentence not unlike a puzzle, throwing paragraphs around, weighing every comma and period, mindlessly making use of keyboard shortcuts, googling for alternatives and inspiration.. all until i hear the *click* and everything falls into place and all is well with the world. haha.. something like that. it's rather exhilarating. it's one of the few things that can hold my attention once i'm into it. but ultimately, it's time-consuming and totally exhausting. which is what i am now, totally ready to crash at 11:50AM.

so please don't insult my work with that 15-minutes chop job that you call "edit". but thanks for the attempt. gave me a good laugh.

2011-06-02T10:13:00.001+08:00

my days are tired, my nights are sleepless

I walk, looking for inspiration

I sit, hoping for purpose

[mused the gnome]

[where are you now]

2011-05-31T16:35:00.013+08:00

i overslept again this morning. sigh. i average about once a week this "jumping out of bed and fly to the bathroom" thingy each time he is away. haha.. don't know what to do with me. i'd be wide awake when it's time to sleep, and struggling to stay awake when it's time to work. my internal clock is running at UK time or something. maybe i should migrate there. yesterday i tweeted, unfair is the life of a nocturnal being in a diurnal world, and i stand by it. why do we have to wake up at the break of dawn? why can't our morning start at noon and our night end at 4am? that would be the perfect time. but noooo.. i have to be up with the sun.. didn't we stop worshiping it a few millennia ago? sigh. zzz..

yingks was a precocious 12 year old boy when i first knew him - we were in the same worship team in church. when i became the team leader, he was one of my most trusted members, always punctual, always willing. i couldn't ask for more. and then he had to win the king's scholarship. heh. he set off to the UK some 4 years back, graduated top of his class, and is now a lecturer in one of the universities there. i was introduced to debbie when she came visiting KL back then, and got to know her more "thanks" to her housemate. i couldn't remember the details, but the latter once made life so unbearable for the former that she had to leave the house with only a shirt on her back, and somehow was put up at my place. we got to chatting in the night and i have really enjoyed her company. she too left for the UK on a scholarship after her pre-U and about a month or so back, she graduated with some amazing colours. and then, this happened. i am beyond joy for them, and wish them the best. they are one of the most wonderful and nicest kids i've ever known, and a perfect-for-each-other couple, and now that i've clearly crossed the hyperbolic line and about used up my limited gushy vocab, i will stop. right after i say that that was the best proposal i've ever read. *heart*

i couldn't sleep last night and as usual was poking around the phone.. when a gnome said hi to me. i was immediately drawn to him as he began to tell me his story.. in reverse chronological order. yet i was captivated as i walked with him in the snow, down the hall with the red line, suited up, dressed down, took a trip to florida, soak in some sun, all the way back to where he began, in the woods. when i woke up, he was gone, but i introduced him to a friend, and we spoke of the good ol' times that the three of us shared -- the funny things and the deeper things. he was a good gnome.

i have a friend who writes really well, the fluidity of his prose often sweeps my imagination away to some pretty incredible places (except when he's on geek mode waxing lyrical about his synthesizers and what-nots hehe).. so much so that most time when i keep in my heart what i couldn't describe in words, he would just step in and type away as if i had eloquently dictated to him. but no, he writes from his heart.. reading him never fails to comfort me and lift my spirit. today again he took the what was in my heart/heart (or somewhere between these two places) and shared it with his friends. i'm ok with that cos they don't know who i am. he's an insomniac too, we might have bonded over that. ok so anyways he's not a friend as you might have guessed. but he might as well be. hahaha.. so perasan right? ;)

this post is dedicated to you. :)

2011-05-30T16:38:00.001+08:00

c'mere you chubby blob of awesomeness you... lemme throw my arms around you and squeeze the cuteness outta you...

Po: Ow! I thought you said acupuncture was going to make me feel better.
Mantis: Trust me, it will. It's just not easy to find the right nerve points under all this...
Po: Fat?
Mantis: Fur. I was gonna say fur.
Po: Sure you were.

2011-05-29T03:23:00.002+08:00

Another sleepless night. Is this what old age is like?

Glad to be back sleeping in our bedroom again--been making the couch my bed the past two nights cos the aircond in the bedroom went kaput..got someone to fix it today and now it's up and running again :)

The night so far: Watched half an episode of House, and another half of Glee. Came up to bed. The light here was switched off and on and off and now on again. I finished a book. Played a game of Birzzle. Prayed for hubby who is away in Tawau preaching. Tinkered with the keyboard (musical instrument, not computer). Admired my collection of earrings which I spent the afternoon sorting by colour. Created a new playlist of slow songs, called it Doozy, wrongly thinking it meant sleepy--it's not. Checked facebook. Rolled and tossed about on the bed. Death Cab's Passanger's Seat is playing from the speakers plugged into my iPhone. Am reminded of today's gorgeous dusk sky painted in bold strokes of vermillion and amethyst.. None but you, Lord. Then looking upward, I strain my eyes and try to tell the difference between shooting star and satellite...do they collide, I asked and you smiled..

2011-05-27T18:23:00.001+08:00

In that split second when your gaze held mine (or is it the other way round?), I wondered about you.

What were you like when you were young? Did you laugh much? How and why are you here? What songs do you hum to? What is your family like, parents siblings and children? How are you feeling and what are you thinking about? Are you thinking crazy thoughts, or are you just a 2D entity? What secrets burden your shoulders? What is your favourite color and food? Do you know love?

And then, just like that, we passed each other and the moment is lost, with nary a visible acknowledgement of the other's existence. We faded into the sea of people before our paths which never crossed again.

I let my questions go. They are trailing your shadows...

2011-05-20T14:12:00.002+08:00

about a week back i was pigging out at a homely birthday celebration when the host, a kindly uncle who i've met only for the first time that evening, said to me, "you are such a joyful girl! that laughter is really something... :)"

(ok, he didn't have the smiley emoticon on his face, but he might as well have :D)

simultaneously, i:

giggled at that remark, naturally hehe..
thought about the volume and suddenness of my laughter which sometimes surprises even me, and some embarrassing moments when heads are turned my directions in public places when i "burst out" without warning, to which i would buat bodoh like nothing's happened of course *blush* :D
heard the Play button in my head being pressed to play this song..

you do it for the joy it brings
because you're a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
I do it cause it's the least I can do
I do it cause I learned it from you
I do it just because I want to
just because I want to

soulive feat. dave matthews band :: joyful girl (ani difranco cover)

2011-05-19T18:02:00.000+08:00

this is just one of those days. where i'm feeling super unmotivated and bleh. one of those days...

2011-05-16T00:40:00.005+08:00

I was halfway through a book when I happened to flip to its dedication page. And when I saw this name, some memories came back instantly, like how I was at the Big Bad Wolf sale last year and this book was in my shortlisted stack of "to buy or not to buy". I had a budget you see, and I was unfamiliar with the author though later I would come to know via wiki that he was one of America's most prolific 20th century writers.

I had read the blurb and quite liked the premise of this book -- Edgar Wallace's The Feathered Serpent is a mystery novel, one of my fav genres -- but I couldn't decide. Then I saw her name and without another moment of hesitation, the book went to the "to buy" stack.

And who is she? Again, it turned out she was the author of another book on a list 100 must-read literature, as wiki would tell me. Anyways so, a couple of years back, when BookXcess was in its infancy, i picked up Daphne du Maurier's The Scapegoat at random, and I really liked it.

However, that few days ago when I saw her name, I immediately felt a tinge of sadness.. because I couldn't remember what I had liked about the book which I've claimed to have liked. Projecting that thought to other areas, I was reminded me that I have forgotten many things but have no idea what they are. Events and details from the past are like a blur or completely missing, like certain immigration reports *cough. I have no doubts that I have forgotten a great deal of my life, and it makes me feel somewhat.. incomplete. This feeling plain rattles me.

You know that is why I blog right, even though it makes for a real poor documentation cos of my inconsistent and imbalance entries. Heh. I blog so that I wouldn't lose more of me than I already have. These words might not seem like much, maybe downright insufficient and vague sometimes, but there are a tangible part of me.. and sometimes I feel vulnerable having people reading them and making conclusion of who I am. (And yet I make them public. That's paradox for you :) That said, whatever's written here are painfully put together, selected for your reading.. and for forming of a good impression of me :D

I was chatting to a friend recently, and it's since a long time since we last did.. around the time the ink dried on du Maurier's or Wallace's manuscripts I think. And if I thought my memory recall is bad, it was practically retrograde amnesia with her. Heh. Maybe it was her way of coping with issues or that is how she's made, but I wondered if she felt the same sadness sometimes.

So yeah.. just one line in that one book and all these emotions and thoughts and memories.. Heh.

2011-05-15T13:44:00.004+08:00

I did a double take when I saw some of myself in you. For one, I never liked you much. But we, we never quite like us, do we? I only lack ruthlessness that is your weapon should you choose to wield, that digging efforts in me would be largely futile.. but it's not saying that I lack the propensity, just the will power or the mental acuity to exploit its potential. For that, I am grateful.. but I wonder if I could find another outlet, to build not burn.

Monday found me on my knees again

breathing you in

to blur the lines that mark where I begin

and where you end

no use in trying to pretend

come take me again

cause rumor has it I'm not who I've been

come define me

what can we do

if the rumors are true?

switchfoot :: I turn everything over

2011-05-14T09:26:00.007+08:00

I am awake, 2 hours before the time I planned to be. I am greeted by the coolness of the morning (special thanks to my air-cond which pulled a all-nighter). The sun peeks at me lazily through my slightly torn orange curtain. I hear Jon crooning in my head so I hum along. But for the song in my head, it is quiet all around. I fire up the 'Pod to hear Jon better. I poke about FB and some blogs, curious about what people have been up to since I last checked out from consciousness. Some text msgs are exchanged and I smile to myself. Some can wait. I promise myself to get out of bed once I publish this. The husband is already downstairs, his day three hours in, awaiting my company for brekkie. But what I really wanna do is to curl myself up under the blanket and dream a little more.

Good morning, dear friends. :)

morning, sunrise
open my eyes
and i can tell it's gonna be a good day
i can tell it's gonna be a good day
did you sleep well? did you dream at all?
can you tell me the time on the alarm clock
but you can sleep in
you just keep dreamin' for us

priscilla ahn :: a good day (good morning song)

2011-05-11T20:31:00.002+08:00

When I spread bread, I make sure that the jam or butter or honey or egg or tuna filling goes across adequately (not too thick, not too thin) and if possible evenly across the entire surface, leaving no nook nor corner unspread. I don't like biting into a kosong area, unless I'm eating the piece kosong to begin with.

I actually really like the bread ends crust, but not so much those on the middle pieces. But I don't remove them cos that's just wasteful.

I like soft white bread (best when steamed) but I've stopped buying them cos of the low nutritional values :( Am not a big fan of wholemeal but I eat them nevertheless. I love those with grains and stuff (nuts, seeds, raisins etc) best -- they are the ones truly deserving the phrase "so good you can even eat it on its own" (sorry, gardenia :)

Friendship takes place when one person says to another, What? You too? I thought I was the only one. - C. S. Lewis

2011-05-10T10:32:00.002+08:00

in line with (y)our current obsession, this song's for you :)

:: life love and why ::

may you find what you have been looking for.

here's to many more years of

friendship and conversations and love and laughter.

blessed birthday, babe! ;)

2011-05-09T17:52:00.003+08:00

how did i feel when i got this message?

i will punch you when i see you
even when i'm walking down the aisle at my wedding

wellll.....i just wanna hug the person. hahaha..

on top of that msg and a "saya benci @sillellis. you suck." tweet, i also had someone telling me "i hate you, you know" when i asked for direction to the godforsaken dewan mutiara where switchfoot's KL concert was held.. to these, i just wanna say, c'mere all.. *bear hugs* no really, c'mere.. i might still smell of the awesomeness that was switchfoot if you want a whiff hahhaha..

making silly faces, at the rock auditorium, between the opening acts (yes, plural.. and one of them were really good) and SF taking the stage

so yeah, i went for swithfoot's concert TWICE in the same weekend (thanks, jas, for planting the idea in my head and actually doing it ^__^).. i was a deliriously happy camper and i'm not apologizing for it!

the band was awesome la. i don't care how they compare to the others cos they are just awesome as they are.. and hearing songs you love performed live is really something. while the set list was similar, it was not the same.. and personally, i prefer the KL one.. they did a couple more songs from their latest album and they kinda acceded to my request!! ^__^

among others, they did Always (one of my favs) and Learning to Breathe (Jas' fav) and This is Home (from the Narnia OST)(some fan i am, i've not heard the song before so when everyone was singing along i was like, WHATSONGISTHIS???) hehe.. and they gave the KL fans TWO ENCORES cos we were awesome like that. *heart* sighhh the withdrawal syndrome ain't pretty ok. the only thing i wished we had were better seats. we were right behind the sound systems in Spore, and alllll the way at the back in KL.. so yeah.. i don't have any good pics of them. back in '08, i was soooooo close to the stage jon's sweat might have hit me hahaha.. oh well, can't have it all.

concerts aside, jas and i had a jolly good (too short!) time in spore, thanks for our very gracious and hospitable host eevon who put us up at her place and fed us a good meal (and more..) *contented sigh* i've been stalking eevon for a while now, and it felt good to "come clean".. hahaha.. it was weird for a while there, cos i felt like i knew so much abt her when i've not even held a proper conversation with her prior to this (she was an ex-coll back at my prev workplace, but we ran in different circles).. thankfully she was a good sport when she found out.. but it made me think that if i were in her shoes, i would feel reeeeallly uncomfortable and self-conscious.. so those of you reading my blog and never indicated to me that you are.. pls 'fess up! :D

my fav pic from our camhoring session in eevon's room with her new pairs of shades.

turned it into a album cover with a random band name and album title.

happier times.. before eevon slapped me with a restraining order. haha..

2011-05-06T09:36:00.003+08:00

i haven't been blogging, but it's not cos i didn't try. it's just an off-season for me i guess. hehe.. SF was awesome. both times oh yeah. but yeah, don't really wanna talk about it right now (other than the fact that i'm suffering from withdrawal syndrome from overexposure of awesomeness), i'm in a great deal of discomfort. see the pic? i don't know how i did it but my middle finger is swollen. (my boss, upon seeing it, said, "oh no.. and i think your index finger is swollen too!" sigh. i just went, "no, i just have very thick fingers. the middle one is the only swollen one." "are you sure?" "yes, ma'am").. and it's unbecoming, but the only way i could relieve some of the pain is by flipping the bird. hahaha.. ouchie. saw the doc, he only gave me muscle relief cream. hasn't helped. i can't bend it, i can't type with it, and it feels like it's gonna burst. sigh. pray for healing for my swollen middle finger on the left hand, will ya? mucho gracias.

update: it's almost all good now. ^_^

2011-04-25T17:25:00.001+08:00

I regarded the world as such a sad sight
until I viewed it in black and white
then I reviewed every frame and basic shape
and sealed the exits with caution tape
don't refocus your eyes in the darkness
and don't remember this place unless
I describe all the things that you cannot see
and we'll unravel the mystery

owl city :: dear vienna

yes, i would very much like to view the world in black and white, what with everything now being huge swabs of gray it isn't funny. but in my straitjacket, i could just stare, impatiently wishing for a blinding epiphany. maybe i should squint.

do you now see why i can't wait to finish this book? because i love a good page turner, and i could also do without the ruthless paper cuts. i also happen to know that there is a happy ending worth waiting for; sense will be made, mind will be blown. well, with that pair of hands swinging ever so rapidly and relentlessly, it's all soon and very soon. don't refocus your eyes in the darkness.

2011-04-22T16:19:00.000+08:00

i'd wanted to tweet about it two days back, but i didn't manage to complete it. so when my sister told me that "sometimes when reading about the nonsense political issues that are raised, i actually feel like throwing up." and i was like, ME TOO!!! i was reading about some racist comment one idiot called zaini hassan (srsly, where is this factory that's churning out myopic morons like these? someone please bomb it..), when i felt like nak muntah. and that's what politics is like for those of us who can't handle it: nauseating. we need to continue praying for strength and wisdom for those who are intent on making a change in the nation.

read also: art harun's 1Malaysia Dalam Kenangan [thought of this when i was browsing Lat's Dahulu..Sekarang at kinokuniya today (think i'll get a copy next time -- very cheap, only RM16-18 per book.. maybe i should get the entire collection, one book at a time :)]

2011-04-22T16:00:00.001+08:00

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-40 (NIV)

He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane,
I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
when all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realise just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me

david crowder band :: how he loves

2011-04-18T13:05:00.002+08:00

i have to confess (for i have heard that doing so does one good) if i have not already done so:

i don't know if i have really forgiven miss nomer (yes, the former boss from hell) for the torture chamber experience. what she has done to me, and what i have allowed to fester in my heart, these are still bugging me more often that i would like.

i can't say that i hate her per se, nor do i find myself wishing terrible things on her, and even in imagining a confrontation with her should i be so unfortunate, i am civil and mostly speechless.

but i can't pretend that i am not bitter. i might have forgotten many things and even to come accepting that it was something i needed to experience for myself, i can't help the occasional wave of anger remembering. the helplessness i felt of being a victim of a pint-sized bully.

but it's been so long. surely there are more pressing matters at hand. even if i was angry at myself for not speaking up when i had the opportunity to, haven't i put that behind me? why do the memories still bother me so.

maybe, just maybe, she is the embodiment of every other pain that i have written off, regrets i've never found closure for, the enemy that i could openly talk about. maybe that's why i kept her around.

[run along now, it's getting late. soon!]

again, i surrender this to You and ask that you search my heart and deal with it accordingly.

2011-04-15T01:40:00.002+08:00

The paper boat set sail down the gentle stream, just drifting along. There was no wheel nor rudder, just the whim of the current. But the sky was amiable and there were fresh blooms, stereotypically dreamlike. Is that the thunder? The skipper pondered if she should lower the anchor.

See these leaves, creeping furtively up the sky. It feels like that sometimes.

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.

hello, good morning, how you do?

2011-04-08T17:15:00.001+08:00

was already late to work this morning (later than usual :P) but decided to stop halfway in my track to look up and take this pic.

wasn't feeling too well (been logging unusually long hours at the laptop the past two days, body hasn't has time to adapt) but now feeling better dy. ruing the two dinner appts that i had to cancel to finish what i needed to. boo hoo.

can't believe it's friday again! feels like it was just yesterday that rebecca black first enraptured the world over with the beautifully simple truth in her song. friday, friday, everybody's looking forward to the weekend, weekend. oh yeahh. but that's three weeks old now, and in internet age, three generations ago. erm, why did i have to bring her up.

545pm, come sooon!! gonna be cooking some pretty pasta for a homely dinner with a friend i haven't met in a while (ok, we've met recently but didn't have time to chat). i'll post pix. can't wait! hello, weekend.

2011-04-07T12:29:00.005+08:00

the things we could do with this finite body of ours just makes for one endlessly amazing list, doesn't it? from everyday movement like standing (do you know what goes on in your ears for you to do just that?) and walking to complicated stuff like wall climbing and hitting a full drum set that require precise strength and coordination. all those in this fleshy, fragile being.

dancing is one such activity. the way our bodies sway and contort and stretch and pirouette and bend while keeping to a rhythm in embodying or expressing an idea.. i like! :) if only my two left legs weren't. ;) and oh, only if i am not so self-conscious.

anyways, this video kinda reminds me of you, chongy :)

2011-04-06T21:58:00.001+08:00

are we left here on our own?
can you feel when your last breath is gone?
night is weighing heavy now
be quiet and wait for a voice that will say

come awake from sleep, arise
you were dead, you’ve come alive
wake up wake up, open your eyes
climb from your grave into the light
bring us back to life

you are not the only one
who feels like the only one
night soon will be lifted, friend
just be quiet and wait for the voice that will say

david crowder band :: come awake

2011-04-06T21:43:00.001+08:00

#6
i always sing to songs i know. but i'm mostly humming cos i wouldn't know 98% of the lyrics. my cubicle in the little corner in the office was perfect cos no one would hear me. but now i have a new neighbor. i hope she would bring her own earphones soon. i don't wanna be distracting. hehe.. my former cubie neighbor, a kindly gentleman, didn't mind it, so he said.

there are many occasions when i have a song in my head that makes me wanna to burst out in songs.. but life is not a musical nor a flash mob. so i just hum. like a broken record.

and of course, the lift with its awesome acoustic. surely we all have sang out loud in one, haven't we :) i only don't sing when i'm sad. and when i'm in the shower.

Friendship takes place when one person says to another, What? You too? I thought I was the only one. - C. S. Lewis

2011-04-02T00:00:00.001+08:00

31 days to bangkok. 28 days to singapore. 24 days to easter. 18 days til the hubs returns. 1 day til family reunion. i am blessed.

Another sleepless night. It's still young but I really need my rest tonight. Will be administering an exam tmr morn, need to wake up at 6. Oh the sleep I sacrifice just to earn that extra dollar. ;) Still, am thankful.

Sibs are back from Singapore!! So looking forward to seeing them again :) hopefully can sneak some time and go for a haircut with sis tomorrow. Gonna be roasting me some fine porky lol! Parents want a slab to go Qing Ming with. Dad thought it was better to get me to do it instead of buying cos it's cheaper that way.

Btw check out twitter.com/thaddellis (it's set to private, so you'd need an account to follow it. maybe later i'll open it up). I'm also in the midst of setting up a blog for Thadd (i guess all my social networking tool skills do come in handy. I wish i could just stay behind the scene in his ministerial work! :) it's kinda done, doing some dry runs, whatever that means :) will promote it once the man gives the green light.

2011-03-31T17:31:00.003+08:00

two food pics to mark close of business hours.

steamed drunken prawns, cooked this for hubby as his "last meal" before he left. ;)

linguine vongole with white wine, fresh italian parsley and pizza quattro stagioni (tomato sauce, mozzarella cheese, mushrooms, turkey ham, black olives, spicy beef salami) topped with rocket leavesn from sassorosso. dinner with mandy, just because. one word, in caps no less: HEAVENLY.

diet? what diet?

2011-03-31T02:34:00.003+08:00

I wish I was asleep now. But this post isn't going to write itself. Heh. Sifting through the many train of thoughts to see if there are any worthy entries.

... guess not, so let's see what we can have.

Today's been good, EXCEPT for the part when I found out that Switchfoot is coming to KL after all. My only consolation is thay I'll be away that day for a holiday ;) but I feel bad for my friends who've gotten their tix. Need to find a way to milk the trip down south for every cent it's worth. Sigh.

Oh, this is exciting: I bought a tix to watch the musical The Sound of Music! I can't fully be excited tho' cos I spent a fortune on the tix. My conscience is gnawing at my heart.

Can you believe this, I've got two of the most wonderful things I love in two paras and I'm sighing? I'm just thankful for the side income I'm getting from giving tuition (and an invigilation stint this Saturday) -- but there goes the plan to save up. Next paycheck, I promise. Heh.

Mm what else? Why ain't I sleeping yet. Missing the husby, but three weeks should be bearable. :) I'm fairly independent, so please don't frown. I'm just excited for him.

Planning to go on a fast in view of Lent but it's been so long since the last time I did it that I don't know where my willpower has gone hiding. Come out, come out wherever you are. I'd reallt like to spend more time praying. Will soon be drown in worries and heartbreak otherwise.

A random last note (not so random, the last thing i saw on TV before switching it off was his Baby MV): I don't get (Justin) Bieber's detractors. I'm not a fan of his and that's that. Life goes on, right? But many (adults, no less) see it fit to call him hurtful names and deride his work, just because he's not their idea of who/what he's supposed to be. (I'm beginning to sound like I'm gonna do a leave-britney-alone eh? haha) It's just that I find such behaviour malicious and downright inexcusable. Plus he's a kid -- what kind of adults are we?

Good night, earthlings.

2011-03-25T01:24:00.001+08:00

#5
Most of you would be able to relate this this: Reading! :)

I used to have a policy whereby I'd finish every book I'd started, but I've long since discarded it since I started reading more than just Jeffrey Archer and Sydney Sheldon.

My preferred genres are mystery/whodunits, investigative journalism, comics and humor, short stories, selected memoirs, and practical Christian living. I veer towards award-winning books too (cos I'm lazy to discover new authors) but that can be a hit-or-miss. Speaking of misses, i don't like self-help, horror, poems and poetic languages, deep thought-provoking stuff, travel and history. But i never say never!

Books were a luxury when I was young so buying books now that i could better afford them makes me like reeeally excited to the point of tummy wrenching joy. Srsly. And while some owners are particular about book care, i think dog ears and scribbled notes add character, but only if I was the one who made them so don't get any ideas. :)

These days I read much less than I'd like :( I am making myself read at least a dozen books a year (a figure which make most bibliophiles shake their heads in dismay) for fear that I'd be barred from listing reading as a hobby.

Friendship takes place when one person says to another, What? You too? I though I was the only one. - C. S. Lewis

2011-03-24T00:09:00.039+08:00

sometimes we satisfy ourselves with the blurry reflection, crooked lines and distorted image. it can be pretty, sure, but nothing beats the real thing. so, chin up!

lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: who created all these? he who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.

isaiah 40:26

it happens to the best of you..

2011-03-23T17:48:00.000+08:00

hang on in there, chongy!!! you are not alone!!! there are a bunch of you somewhere out there in the same shoes!!! and yeah, i'm (t)here too.. sometimes!!! :D *HUGS*

2011-03-23T00:38:00.003+08:00

A morning drizzle is one of the worst thing that could greet the start of the day when you are not curled up in bed but instead are queueing with half of KL rat racers on the road on the way to work.

But i'm thankful for a job to go to, a hubby who would endure the jam and my nonsensical whine, a car to shield me from the rain, interesting interviews on BFM, a flexi boss who doesn't mind that i go in late, the erratic SMART tunnel... yeah, all that. :)

2011-03-22T10:58:00.003+08:00

#4
earrings!!!

you (almost) can't get it wrong if you "need" to buy me a gift. *hint, hint*

studs, loops, chandeliers, shells, cloths, metals, stones... i wear them all. plus with my penchant for basic colour (read: black :) clothes, i have to rely on earrings to brighten up my countenance.

mm time for a new pair.

friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'what! you too? I thought I was the only one.' - c.s. lewis

2011-03-21T00:25:00.003+08:00

You saw the world from a view that we'd call limited or even unfortunate, but you were no less precious. And who's to say we know better. Be free.

2011-03-19T22:26:00.005+08:00

This is the gorgeous view from my hotel room of a tiny lagoon with the South China Sea beyond it. Usually, I'd find some time to walk this beach at sunset coz it's just one of the most amazing sights ever. And at night, I'd just sit at the balcony and listen to the waves or bring my laptop out and catch some movies. I'd stay til I couldn't stand the humid night.

But this time, this time I hardly the time to even peek out my windows. Was so occupied with work work and more work from even on the flight there til way past midnight til the minute we were to rush for the airport for the flight home. Phewww!

Snapped this in the morning just before I left the room. It was a beautiful day :)

I just came back from a very short business trip to Miri, where my company is based. It's been a while since I was there. My absolute least favorite thing about any trip is the UNPACKING once I got home. URGH. *looks forlornly at my luggage*

2011-03-18T12:00:00.016+08:00

fridays are always emotional. i don't know why. i mean, i have my theories, but they are kinda half-baked.. pleading ignorance is the way to go.

remember my i-don't-like-emotions spiel? wah, the days following that posts just vacuum the life out of me. but i've learned that counting my blessings is something that i need to consciously do, to negate the negativity. i appreciate the privilege of friendships. i cannot imagine having gone through life without such lifeline. thank you. for those which i've cut off by my immaturity and ignorance, i'm sorry. mm the day i hit menopause, i'm registering myself into a hermitage. i'll call once the hormones stabilize.

****

someone sent me the MP3 of this song last Friday. i rber i wasn't in a superb mood at that point. i was annoyed at something unimportant. the news of the earthquake in japan just broke. i had a speech to write. and stuff.

this song.. i first heard it here. loved it to bits but i didn't know how to save it (and didn't think of googling for it), so i went the low-tech route: saved the page in my bookmark and visit it to listen to the song. so yeah, getting it in mp3 form was quite a big deal (i think i'm way past the i'm-a-computer-science-graduate-and-i-can't-figure-this-out-i'm-so-embarrassed phase) so thank you. this song.. i think i teared. sigh. just a little. ;)

in Christ alone, my hope is found 

He is my light, my strength, my song 

this cornerstone, this solid ground 

firm through the fiercest drought and storm 

what heights of love, what depths of peace 

when fears are stilled, when strivings cease 

my comforter, my all-in-all 

here in the love of Christ I stand

there in the ground His body lay 

light of the world by darkness slain 

then bursting forth in glorious day 

up from the grave He rose again!

and as He stands in victory 

sin’s curse has lost its grip on me

for I am His and He is mine 

bought with the precious blood of Christ

no guilt in life, no fear in death

this is the power of Christ in me 

from life’s first cry to final breath 

Jesus commands my destiny 

no power of hell, no scheme of man

can ever pluck me from His hand

till He returns or calls me home 

here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

owl city :: in Christ alone

2011-03-16T11:38:00.000+08:00

#3
profanity makes me squirm. and even if i don't flinch, i'd be momentarily stunned, each time. it's like the word is shaking my shoulders and saying, "look at meeee!"

but much as i don't like it (and it's not for me to condone or prohibit), i don't see the point of masking it. i'll still hear them in my head no matter what. if you say 'eff it' i hear the full word. i see and hear every word when the TV tries to "bleep" them out; and when they change the song to be more radio friendly (e.g. cee lo's forget you), i'll mentally reinstall the original word; i read them in full even if certain consonants are replaced with asterisks (sh*t or f**k) or if abbreviation is applied (wtf). i HEAR them. don't you? mm guess i don't see the point la.

anyways so yeah please excuse me if i lost my train of thoughts and the rest of your sentence when the bombs are dropped. i wouldn't call myself a prude (would you? haha..), it's just who i am. :)

oh btw, some food for thought.

friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'what! you too? I thought I was the only one.' - c.s. lewis

2011-03-15T14:43:00.000+08:00

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken.

If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.

Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.

But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

:: C. S. Lewis

2011-03-14T13:47:00.002+08:00

for some reason, my sidebar info are now at the footer of this blog. i've no idea how to fix it. this is annoying. grrr.. >:(

update @ 16-mar-11 -- it's back! on the side, where it belongs. welcome home, side bar! ;)

sillellis :: call me chubs.

Instagram pp.

totally wicked!

At peace.

[ala Robin] holy matrimony!

The King and I.

Yours.

向昨天说再见.. not so soon!

20.11.2011

It's 11.11.11 11:11AM right now.

Away.

Her Majesty The Big Headed Prawn Highness

It's the little things.

Ought to be shot.

I miss my sibs. *pouts*

A beautiful beginning

Dickensian.

To Rex with love.

Look what the wolf brought in.

Hey Nora, Nora!

off the roof!

pardon the language...

Thirty one.

Hitched.

hello city.

happy birthday husby! ^_^

this is silly

reminiscing.. :)

a whale of a time

tu-i-tion

twenty years on

what was in that tea?

Resolution 4Q2011: There is but ONE

I love you

It's almost strange...

dreams do come true :)

So yeah.

speaking of..

A long apology for something I didn't do..

for a moment there

the yellow dress

methinks the math geek in me just exploded...

we're your dreamgirls, dreamgirls will never leave you ~

separation anxiety

mom was tending to the garden one day when lo and behold...

hello, good morning, how you do?

it happens to the best of you..

I miss my sibs. pouts