it kinda hit me on Sat, so i was on observing mode on Sun, but last night sealed the truth for me: i suck at making small talk. ok, a lot of people are not great at small talks either (i think i saw a how-to book in BookXcess once -- i should totally get it).. cos i sure wasn't alone in mumbling my way through the occasions.

i attended two weddings over the weekend [congrats to Charlotte & Simon, and Liling & Michael! :)], and BCM's 50th anniversary celebration [congrats! :) thanks to Steven & Angeline for the invites :)] at Sunway Resort yesterday. met a whole buncha people i knew from the past, and yet most of the conversation was just nothing more than lingering umms and polite smiles.


how are you?
where are you now?


and then what?


i'd try to recall if the person had updated anything on FB, i'd try to make some remarks along that. but those don't really cut it sometimes, plus my gold-fish memory was no help at all.

so where are you now?
[company name]
oh yeah. i knew that. i follow u on twitter.
[awkward silence~]
*surreptitiously slides away*


so you are back for a hol?
yeah, leaving soon... last day tomorrow.
oh ok.
[awkward silence~]
ooh where's your baby?
she's with my mom. hehe..
[awkward silence~]
*furiously plans exit strategy*
oh food is here! i'm gonna go get some..


so do you keep in touch with [another friend]?
erm not really.
[awkward silence~]
*stomach churns in discomfort*


so how is work?
like that la. busy period la, you know.
[awkward silence~]
*furiously plans exit strategy but realised i'm stuck in the same table*

 

yeah i had a bunch of those the past three days. the thing is, i was really excited to see some of these old friends again, cos u you know, at one point in my life, we actually had proper conversations and shared genuine laughter. and now all we have are reduced to how-are-you-fine-thanks-and-you?

and then there were the strangers on the table. i'd think -- ooh potential friends! -- but as you chat on, there's only so much you could ask in an introductory meeting without crossing the privacy/stalker line. and worse if the person does not ask anything in return, and the others practically pretended that i wasn't at the table. there was just a lot of cricket chirping after 15mins.

so how la? see why i'm not in PR? :|

today's post is brought to you be the letter B

B is for blog plugs*.

being an avid blog reader (which is like my main job, although my boss would disagree :P), these two are some of my favs. i'm like wow every time i read their blogs. i hope you'd like them:

1. wendy cooks up a storm or two
• wendy/wanyee and i were housemates back when we were studying in UPM. my impression of her was that she loves cooking and she really knows her way around the kitchen
• once we stayed up to play 'chor dai dee' (a card game) in her room til 5am, the morning i was supposed to sit for a test. i wasn't a very good student, could you tell?
• we kept in touch on and off over the years. she went into teaching and was sent to raub rompin for a few years. she got married a good few years back (some friends and i went to her wedding in sitiawan kampar :P) and is now blessed with two daughters :)
• her blog is very awesome and i shall warn you not to read it on an empty stomach. hehe.. she updates almost every day -- seriously, i don't know where she finds the time to cook and blog DAILY and be a mom.
• her blog is always very informative -- she doesn't just give you the recipe and pictures, she would go into details about some of the uncommon items she uses, such as the proper names, where to get them, cooking tips, web links etc. i've learned so much from just reading. i've also bookmarked the dishes i assume i could make -- but haven't gotten to them. hahaha..  

2. chingz sings and sews (say that now repeatedly & real fast :P)
• ching-ching was my colleague back in cyberjaya, we hardly spoke much less carried a proper conversation. my most memorable impression of her was of her mesmerizing smooth singing when she performed for the annual staff dinner. i'm not a fan of female voices, but hers are one of the few that i do. :)
• can't tell you much about her since we aren't really a friend haha.. but i love her quirky sense of style.. M and i have ooh-ed and ahh-ed in envy at some of her handiwork -- she comes across as a very funny and interesting and creative person. and jazz has called me not-so-nice names for stalking ching2. hahaha..
• she is one mean sewing tenggiling (her word, not mine :) -- she could turn something like this 

to

and make stuff like these (from scratch, or remaking): 

i think i digressed. was thinking more about intro-ing you to her band ATKK (the artists formerly known as Alaling & the Kaya Koks) -- they are giving away for FREE their latest EP which i really really like :)! [ooh, check out the MV for the song Really Hate It too -- it's so cute! :D]

btw i only have a handful of readers so they might not benefit from increased readership this but i really just wanna share the lurve :P



* i might be misusing the word here. probably blog promo is a better word?

'tis ten four two days eve before my 32nd burfday (muse kept going AWOL when i tried to write). and for some weird reason, i keeping that i'm turning 33 [o_O] but at the same time i haven't got out of thinking that i am 30.

[case in point, a snippet of my conversation with chongy a few days ago..

her: you've climbed mount kk before?!
me: i thought you knew that! yeah i did it when i was much younger la.. mm about 4 years ago, yeah in 2006. i was 26-year-old & in a much better shape then.
her: what? 4 years ago you were 28 la! still think you are 30 is it?!
me (performed furious calculations in my head): yeaahhhh :( ]

chatted w jazz recently of this being in our 30s thing and i think i remarked how it isn't as bad as i thought it would be. looking back, we kinda agreed that the stuff our 20s were made of emotional turbulence, maddening uncertainties, stupid mistakes, questionable decisions, frantic identity search, dismantled relationships, and unanswered questions. stuff like that (notice i tend to use 'stuff' a lot when i don't know what i'm saying :P).

while those things didn't magically go away in my 30s (yeah i wish but nooo, they hang on to you like a buncha stubborn barnacles), there was the growing up and a kind of stability that come with age. the folly that was my 20s has humbled me some and taught me much. i have changed, i have been molded. for what it's worth, i think i love God more. and i may love people more. i probably love myself enough already :P i don't expect to sail through life, and while i'm not one to delight in difficulties, hardship or persecution, i want to be made strong in my weakness. i don't want to be like the weed swaying in the wind, a headless chicken running through the streets.

i have an aspired ideal but still, i am still rather restlessly searching and wandering and waiting, and hoping that whatever i'm searching would look me up instead. watching your peers saving//conquering the world can be unnerving if not disheartening, but then again, meh to each our own. this race i am to run, there's no "reaching" in it, it just seems to be going [somewhere], going [nowhere] or going [there]. reaching is, well, the end of the journey, where the prize is given out. in a sobering moment amidst the 'merriment', i just found out that a friend of mine has lost her 8-month-old baby to a hereditary illness just a few hours ago. my heart goes out to them.. sigh :'(


mm, happy birthday to me. :|
 
...

ok, maybe i shouldn't end on such a dour note. i'm actually happy. not bubbling over, but yeah, happy. God has been good to me. he has dealt with me quite a bit this year, and while being disciplined makes me defensive and unreasonable sometimes, i have accepted it as necessary. ye ol' character building, as calvin's dad might say. :) i have been much blessed, and i want to give more of myself, i want to say 'yeah i'm running as to get the prize'.

i echo st francis's prayer, in that:

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is discord, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is error, truth.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is sadness, joy.
Where there is darkness, light.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled, as to console.
To be understood, as to understand.
To be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving, that we receive.
It is in pardoning, that we are pardoned.
It is in dying, that we are born to eternal life.

so, here's to emotional maturity, better self control, never repeating mistakes, wiser decisions, being comfortable in our own skins, healed relationships, and more unanswered questions til kingdom come. cheers! ;)


...

derek webb, one of my fav artists, has just released his latest album titled 'feedback', an "instrumental electronic worship album, based on the Lord's Prayer". it's superb, as expected. :) chk out this short, set to one of the songs from the album, give us this day our daily bread. Like! :)

mothers know best.

in a chat with a bumming buddy of mine a.k.a. left barnacle a.k.a. jazzy "iwanttoseemynameontheblog" ching (-_-) tis morning:

there's this movie im semi watching while chatting and doing my work
its christmasy show between mother and daughter
mother is like this writer and mother comes to visit...
overbearing but fun woman
so she comes in and goes through her daughter's wardrobe and goes..
all black???? dont u have any colors?
and the daughter was sullen and replies.. yes.. brown and blue.



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
im in blue today


...
touche
hahahahaha
but the daughter's annoyed la...cos she was like fussing over the daughter, get a wax, trim ur eyebrows etc

ahhahaha i can so relate!
wads the movie's name

Smothered.

aahahahahahahhaah
mothers.
:P

[i'm not sure if i've blogged about this, but once my mother called me out of the blue and our e-n-t-i-r-e conversation was about how alllll my clothes are black and how she would never see me in brighter colours and how this would affect my health my life and the planet's political and geological balance. the Queen of England even made a cameo in the conversation because apparently mom read in the newspapers that the Q always travel with a pair of black suit, in case there is a funeral to go for, and so black is for funeral.

and then she made me promise that i would never ever ever buy another black piece of clothing. and when i didn't wanna say no, she tried guilt-tripping me! aww mom. i know she meant well but i was sooo annoyed (called my sis to rant but instead sis got annoyed). but the next time i shopped for a dress, i got this cute red and white number cos i could hear her in my head the whole time.

after that purchase however, my next were 2 black and a grayish blue (the one i'm wearing today =) dresses. i have no idea how that happened. :D

btw a few days after that conversation, we dropped by their place on the way back home. it wasn't a planned visit. i was in black officewear from top to toe, and it was my hubby's bday. go figure how the tête-à-tête with mom went. hahaha..]

i wrote on my FB that 'there are few buzzes comparable to that of buying a book' the day i made my third purchase in as many month from bookdepository.co.uk. but when i received the package bearing its logo on my table yesterday, the first thing that came to mind was 'this tops that', that being the aforesaid FB stat. gotta lurve that feeling! ;)

i don't remember where i first read about this book (update: it was on boingboing). being somewhat a fan of memoirs and a nominal japanophile, it's one of those books i immediately knew i wanted soon i read its review. took me a long time to finally buy it because prior to shopping on bookdepository, shipping cost from amazon.com just ain't worth it (not sure why i didn't check the local bookstores -- they probably have it too). plus the MYR has strengthened much against the USD in the recent few months (bad for my comp's profits, but good for my purchase habit w00t! =)

just finished reading the book last nite (yay - another step closer to my 'read a book a month' goal for 2010 -- which is more like 'not reading anything the first 3 quarters of the year and squeezing everything in the last' but that's quite a mouthful =P anyways...)

author Jake Adelstein is an american journalist who spent 12 years in japan as a crime reporter for the yomiuri shinbun (this is quite something as -- surprisingly -- japanese are rather xenophobic -- many places do not admit/serve foreigners; and yomiuri shinbun is the widest circulated newspapers in japan and the world). the book is about his years there and the japanese underworld a.k.a. yakuza.

reading this book made me rather uneasy. this isn't the japan i know. it reveals the other side of the nation that i'm not acquainted with at all - its print media, a misogynistic society and of course, the yakuza, who are virtually unknown outside the country other than what have been portrayed in movies.

i kept thinking 'all that are going on beneath the glossy kawaii stuff?? how can they (lawmakers and civilians alike) knowingly allow this? these people are outrightly perverted and depraved and ignorant. did you know that japan is a hub of human trafficking and prostitution ring and forced labors, with little or no law to protect their rights? it's sick. :(

Human trafficking is the modern day practice of slavery. Also known as trafficking in persons, human trafficking comprises the fastest growing criminal industry in the world, based on the recruitment, harboring, and transportation of people solely for the purpose of exploitation. Every year traffickers generate billions of dollars in profits at the expense of victimizing millions of people around the world.

Victims of human trafficking are people forced or coerced into labor or sexual exploitation. Labor trafficking is widespread in variety of situations that encompass domestic servitude and small-scale labor operations, to large-scale operations such as farms, sweatshops, and major multinational corporations. Sex trafficking is one of the most lucrative sectors regarding the illegal trade in people, and involves any form of sexual exploitation in prostitution, pornography, bride trafficking, and the commercial sexual abuse of children.

[via]

note - adelstein is now the public relations director of Polaris Project Japan which combats human trafficking.  


the book also reveals how extensive the reach of the yakuza empire, and how progressive they have become with time, with their 9 fingers (apparently, one telling sign of a yakuza is a missing digit) in the multi-billion dollar sex and loan shark industries pie and an unmistakable grip over the political and economic scenes.

while adelstein's candour is engaging and sometimes amusing, there were also some poignant anecdotes about the people he has known and lost. it's a cruel and violent picture that he had painted, but also one of unlikely friendships and binding word of honour.

sometimes it's hard to wrap our head around things like this. we shouldn't be surprised at the depth of human depravity, and yet we are. sigh.

on the other hand, we cheer as burmese democratic icon aung san suu kyi is released from her 7-year house arrest (she's spent 15 of the past 20 years under h/a). Burma has been under military dictatorship for the past 48 years. have never really followed her movement, and not quite sure why she's released but i pray that may this signify better things to come for the burmese, that their nation will be rebuilt and they would no longer need to escape their homeland.


listening to some christmas tunes with thoughts about the above swirling in my head. almost surreal. oh hello kitty. good kitty.

#1
dinner with prema, hema & pet: my colls from the first job
piccadily’s at section 17
food was bordering on terrible, even when i tried to not be fussy :P
haven’t met them for like 9 months, and I almost cancelled on this one
cos I had needed to go home and pack (I was leaving for china the next morning)
glad i went
always enjoyed being in this group cos I’d be the youngest hahaha
my (ex)boss turns 40 this year, can’t believe it’s been 10 years since I’ve known her




#2
my most recent haul from bookxcess

zits – love it. could half relate to it. what more could i say? :D

calvin & hobbes – I just can’t get enough of the boy and his tiger. I half want my entire C&H collection be buried with me but that would be a waste, so who wanna call dibs on this most marvelous of collection? Gimme a tinkle. Hahaha..

jeeves – I was soooo glad that I decided to buy this cos I lurved it to bits. Ok, that might be a wee bit exaggerated but really, this is the kinda book that make me wanna stay up whole night and once I’m done would love to read the next one available. this was the 2nd book i brought with me to china, and the rest is history. hahaha.. I can’t wait for the coming Big Bad Wolf Sale!! I’m gonna get my hands on the entire collection (please God let them be dirt cheap!)




#3
supper at papa rich, pj old town
had our drinks al-fresco which was made it all the more awesome when lil whipped out her android phone and showed us this app
can’t remember what it’s called, but it shows all the constellations (neatly labeled) in the sky at any direction the phone is aimed at! ohsofascinating!!! :D
we were waving the phone all over ogling at ‘em shiney heavenly bodies :P
saw most of the major constellations, but couldn’t find the scorpio though :|




#4
one of the five times we had xiao long bao that day
despite Shanghai being the origin of this dish
and this restaurant on “Cheng Huang Miao” which purportedly serves the best
all five times were rather disappointing
trust me, any of the Canton-i restaurants in KL serves much better tasting xlb

for more pics of our china trip, go here and here.




#5
the Mexico pavilion
one of the last few pavilions we visited on our trip to the Shanghai Expo
I like how these look like giant geometrical mushrooms against the dusky sky :)




#6
also taken at the expo
I title this piece “night/day”
go figure ;)


for more pics of us at the shanghai expo, go here.




#7
porridge from this Cantonese restaurant (cannot rber the name – 18 something :P) in Fahrenheit 88
we got quite a deal as there was an branch opening promo (buy 1 free 1) so this cost us like 6bucks per bowl
really yummy – it has like 8 items inside – century eggs, chicken, fish, prawn, scallops, crunchy cruller, etc




#8
tackling the TTDI jogging trail with lil
a relatively easy one
(i know, cos i could talk the entire time, and i spent twice the time here compared to the bukit gasing trail which leaves me huffing and panting in 15mins :D)
last Sunday evening was my third time in three weeks going for a walk
I hope the streak won’t be broken




#9
dinner with hubby at fig & olive in sunway pyramid
the night before deepavali
that was maghribi chicken and olive rice
quite delicious and looks healthy
this place is worth a second visit




#10
view from my parents’ bed
the now very dilapidated home where I grew up
the plank wall is as old as I am
that wall light hasn’t been working since I was in school
and the cheesy calendar pages from c.2005 covering the two walls
dropped by my parents’ place on Saturday after a very nice dimsum brunch w J
chatted about stuff, and mom trying to serenade me with her guzheng skill (I’m not very impressed but don’t tell her that HAHAHA I’m just glad she likes whatever she’s doing)




#11
outside the house, on the way out to the main road
i've always loved the view
and the quietness
the lush trees
i guess all the nutrients from decomposing bodies help hahaha
and in broad daylight it doesn’t seem so scary right :)




#12
the last time Jersoon played for me
he and Clara have recently graduated and more recent still have received and accepted job offers in Spore
I think I’m still trying to come to term with this loss to the team

but I wish them the very best – at that age, the world’s their oyster :)




#13
lunch with chongy
departure lounge, damansara utama
she had to layan herself for a whole hour cos I was ignoring her :D
I had needed to work on the powerpoint slides for my church anniversary the following day
my fault for having delayed it (sorry, chongy + anniv organizing comm.)
btw I concur with the her friends’ observation that she has developed a sense of style and dressing that go well with her ;)

for pics of my church anniv, go here.


last but no least:
i just *HEART* this music video from David Crowder Band – it just oozes the awesomeness that are stop-motion and Lite-Brite. see it pwease! :D

david crowder band :: shine (SMS)