Derek Webb and his wife Sandra have just announced over FB and Tumblr that they are ending their marriage of 13 years.

Sigh~

I am usually minorly affected by celebrities throwing in the towel in this arena, but this one... Maybe the facts that they are Christians, and how I hold Derek in high regard when it comes to his work, and how they have lovingly collaborated in the past, these add up. Derek's songs have touched me on personal level, so this feels personal.

I'm not saying Christians don't make mistakes what more in marriage, I'm not saying anything. I'm just sad, really sad :'(

I'm sure they had taken a lot of time to work this through, but would they just give it one more try? Why did you give up? At what point do you decide that it's not worth it anymore? I can't imagine having to share and deal with such private matter with the public, but that's the price one pays for being well known figures. 

I wish them the best, and I pray for reconciliation in the future, no matter how improbable it seems now. Why? Hmm, I suppose some wars need to be fought. But what do I know.

:(

Today's Good Friday. It doesn't feel good now but I know without a shadow of a doubt that it is. I'm on my way down to Singapore for a special Easter miracle. I'll write about it soon.

once upon a time, east met west...

the husband and i are the same in some ways and very different in every other way.. personality wise, don't let me get there, but we clash in every. possible. way, except oh, we are both VERY STUBBORN. hahahaha.. interest wise, at the basic level, we both enjoy reading, TV/movies and food. but rarely do we read the same books (he reads theological books)(as I'm typing, he's reading an OT theology book)(or serious mags like Time or The Economist)(while i like my whodunits or fiction or Calvin and Hobbes); we don't download *cough* the same shows (i love animation and sitcoms, while he watches everything from Hawaii Five-O to Walking Dead BUT doesn't touch my HIMYM or Community); we do eat the same food when i cook (of course =), but i love my pasta or potatoes, while he prefers low-carb meals (or he'll say crazy things like, "let's just have vege and fruits for dinner" to which my only response is an emphatic NO. because the cave-woman in me MUST. HAVE. MEAT. rawrrr! =) on some Saturday mornings, he would up at 6 to go hiking, while i probably would have just gone to bed a few hours before that (i'm allergic to the morning sun, which explains my semi-comatose state before noon each day ;)(but i can get reeeally hyper when my adrenaline kicks in, like really =).

thankfully, another thing we have in common other than our "stiff-necks" (read that in Canto) is our love of travelling and thankfully again, we belong to the same category of travelers (there are many kinds actually, like the first-class-all-the-way type, the backpacking-and-sleeping-at-bus-stops type, the tour-group-only-else-i'd-be-lost type, i'm-allergic-to-sun-and-sea type, off-the-beaten-path-only-please type, city-lovers vs nature-lovers, and many more).. we are the free-and-easy-can't-afford-first-class-no-tour-group type. and while i'm not a big fan of Tony Fernandez, we have AirAsia to thank for enabling us to go places we have been over the years. let's see, together we have been to Singapore (of course =), Bali (Indonesia), Hatyai, Phuket, Chiang Mai and Bangkok (Thailand), Hanoi (Vietnam), Baguio (the Philippines), Hong Kong, Macau, Shanghai (China), and recently Melbourne (Australia). and there's Taiwan end of this year! the wanderlust is strong in us. if only our currency is equally strong *cries*

anyways, the reason for today's post is that............... today we are ten. that's TEN YEARS as a married couple. that's (365*7 + 366*3) days (= 3,653 days)(gosh, only 3 thousand plus days? felt like it's been 10,000!)(accordingly to the traditional anniversary gift list, we're supposed to be getting TIN/ALUMINIUM this year)(ergh no thanks!)

and what a ride it has been. haha! i'm thankful for this journey. of course if i could walk it again, there are many things i would have said or done differently. but there's no looking back. we are definitely better people today than we first started, for there has been a lot "sharpening" of the iron kind haha, lotsa sparks (from the friction haha) i think we have learned (and are still learning) to accept each other for who we are (especially our bad sides!) i am very excited for what God has in store for us in the next ten years, and all the tens that follows.

Lord God, we commit ourselves to you. thank you for your faithfulness in our lives. thank you for the happiness we have known together; for the sorrows we have faced together. we ask for forgiveness for any failure on our part; for any times when we became difficult to live with; for any lack of sympathy and understanding; for our selfishness. you have brought us so far along in this journey as husband and wife, we have learned tough lessons about living as one, how to die to ourselves and to consider the other's needs above our own. and we continue to learn. thank you for blessing us with so much, help us to bless others with what we have, with who we are, in return. thank you for the love which grows more precious each day. guide us in your way everlasting. we want to know you more. we want to be sensitive and obedient to the prompting of your holy spirit in our lives. help us God. light our path. thank you for everything. we love you. in jesus' name we pray. amen!

H A P P Y T E N , H U B B Y ! !

love you so, so much! muaks muaks! ^^

two drifters, off to see the world, there's such a lot of world to see...

-moon river-

i've been looking for a song to commemorate this day, and am happy to choose this because:

1. i love derek webb and i love how much he loves his wife and i wanted something from him that reflects that and voila, this song ^^ 
2. this song is fun ["I wanna read the Bible and I wanna make out"? haha! btw this is him and his wife Sandra, if you are interested] 
3. if you asked me if i would do it all over again, i'd probably pause to think for a bit, and then smile and say "Yes!"

I wanna marry you all over again, I wanna meet you and I wanna be friends
I wanna chase you all the way to Tennessee, I’ll meet your parents at the airport bar
I’ll take you out in my rental car, I wanna court you on the record label’s dime

come on baby let’s go back to the start
take it back sugar then gimme your heart
don’t you know baby I would do it all over again

I wanna buy you an old upright, I wanna accidentally stay all night
I wanna read the Bible and I wanna make out
I wanna marry you all over again
I wanna fall in love and say we’re just friends
I wanna race you all the way to Kansas City

I wanna give you a diamond ring, and then we’ll run into my ex-girlfriend
oh, I wanna sing songs while the sun’s going down

derek webb :: i wanna marry you all over again

'tis ten four two days eve before my 32nd burfday (muse kept going AWOL when i tried to write). and for some weird reason, i keeping that i'm turning 33 [o_O] but at the same time i haven't got out of thinking that i am 30.

[case in point, a snippet of my conversation with chongy a few days ago..

her: you've climbed mount kk before?!
me: i thought you knew that! yeah i did it when i was much younger la.. mm about 4 years ago, yeah in 2006. i was 26-year-old & in a much better shape then.
her: what? 4 years ago you were 28 la! still think you are 30 is it?!
me (performed furious calculations in my head): yeaahhhh :( ]

chatted w jazz recently of this being in our 30s thing and i think i remarked how it isn't as bad as i thought it would be. looking back, we kinda agreed that the stuff our 20s were made of emotional turbulence, maddening uncertainties, stupid mistakes, questionable decisions, frantic identity search, dismantled relationships, and unanswered questions. stuff like that (notice i tend to use 'stuff' a lot when i don't know what i'm saying :P).

while those things didn't magically go away in my 30s (yeah i wish but nooo, they hang on to you like a buncha stubborn barnacles), there was the growing up and a kind of stability that come with age. the folly that was my 20s has humbled me some and taught me much. i have changed, i have been molded. for what it's worth, i think i love God more. and i may love people more. i probably love myself enough already :P i don't expect to sail through life, and while i'm not one to delight in difficulties, hardship or persecution, i want to be made strong in my weakness. i don't want to be like the weed swaying in the wind, a headless chicken running through the streets.

i have an aspired ideal but still, i am still rather restlessly searching and wandering and waiting, and hoping that whatever i'm searching would look me up instead. watching your peers saving//conquering the world can be unnerving if not disheartening, but then again, meh to each our own. this race i am to run, there's no "reaching" in it, it just seems to be going [somewhere], going [nowhere] or going [there]. reaching is, well, the end of the journey, where the prize is given out. in a sobering moment amidst the 'merriment', i just found out that a friend of mine has lost her 8-month-old baby to a hereditary illness just a few hours ago. my heart goes out to them.. sigh :'(


mm, happy birthday to me. :|
 
...

ok, maybe i shouldn't end on such a dour note. i'm actually happy. not bubbling over, but yeah, happy. God has been good to me. he has dealt with me quite a bit this year, and while being disciplined makes me defensive and unreasonable sometimes, i have accepted it as necessary. ye ol' character building, as calvin's dad might say. :) i have been much blessed, and i want to give more of myself, i want to say 'yeah i'm running as to get the prize'.

i echo st francis's prayer, in that:

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is discord, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is error, truth.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is sadness, joy.
Where there is darkness, light.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled, as to console.
To be understood, as to understand.
To be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving, that we receive.
It is in pardoning, that we are pardoned.
It is in dying, that we are born to eternal life.

so, here's to emotional maturity, better self control, never repeating mistakes, wiser decisions, being comfortable in our own skins, healed relationships, and more unanswered questions til kingdom come. cheers! ;)


...

derek webb, one of my fav artists, has just released his latest album titled 'feedback', an "instrumental electronic worship album, based on the Lord's Prayer". it's superb, as expected. :) chk out this short, set to one of the songs from the album, give us this day our daily bread. Like! :)