ADD, subtract, multiply and divide

I may be a quack, but I'm pretty sure I have ADD. I've known this for a while, I mean, how could I not have it? Like this list of symptoms, I could definitely use it as a framework for my biography/memoir.

Lack of Focus. Possibly the most telltale sign of ADD, “lack of focus” goes beyond difficulty paying attention. It means being easily distracted, finding it difficult to listen to others in a conversation, overlooking details, and not finishing work or projects.

Me: Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. :\

Hyper-focus. While people with ADD are often easily distractible, the flip side of the coin is called hyper-focus. While engaged in an activity they like, a person with ADD/ADHD can be so engrossed in something that they are ignorant to anything else around them. This kind of focus makes it easier to lose track of time, ignore those around you, and cause relationship problems.

Me: This is also true. And yes, it's caused me trouble. :\

Disorganization. Life can seem chaotic for everyone at times, but someone with ADD experiences a more hectic life on a regular basis. You may have problems with time management, keeping track of tasks, procrastination, chronic lateness, and prioritizing.

Me: Did someone say procrastination? I am your Queen. But I don't have problem with chronic lateness -- I'm pretty punctual when I'm expected to be someplace. That said, I'm among the last person to step into the office every day. But that's just cos I'm not a morning person, but mostly, it's because I could get away with it. 

Forgetfulness. For someone with ADD, forgetfulness is a part of life. This includes routinely forgetting where you’ve put something or important dates. Some can be menial, while others can be serious. The bottom line is that forgetfulness can be damaging to careers and relationships because it can be confused with carelessness.

Me: This word practically defines my existence! XD

Impulsivity. Impulsivity in someone with ADD can manifest as interrupting others during conversation, being socially inappropriate, rushing through tasks, or acting without much consideration to the consequences. A person’s shopping habits are often a good indication of ADD. Impulse buying, especially on items they can’t afford, is a common symptom of adult ADD.

Me: Mm, while I am impatient and have the tendency to be impulsive, I rarely succumb to impulse buying. 

Emotional Problems. Life with ADD can seem chaotic, as though your emotions are on a constantly up-and-down journey. You can easily become bored and go looking for excitement on a whim. Small frustrations can seem intolerable or bring on depression and mood swings.

Me: Not as severe as described, but I'm practically strapped on and stuck on a perpetual emotional roller coaster ride. Somebody get me off this!

Poor Self-image. Adults with ADD are often hypercritical of themselves, which can lead to a poor self-image. This is due in part of their inability to concentrate and other symptoms that may cause problems in school, work, or relationships. You may view these difficulties as personal failures or underachievement, which can cause you to see yourself in a negative light.

Me: Yeah, this. :( I'm not even a perfectionist sigh.  

Lack of Motivation. While you might be open to doing everything at once, you also may feel unmotivated. This is problem commonly seen in children with ADD who can’t often focus on schoolwork, but it also can happen with adults. Coupled with procrastination and poor organizational skills, it may be difficult for an adult with ADD to finish a project because they can’t focus for long periods of time.

Me: *cries* MEMANG BENAR!

Restlessness & Anxiety. As an adult with ADD, you may feel like your motor can’t shut off. Your yearning to keep moving and doing things can lead to frustration when you can’t do something immediately. This yields to restlessness, which can lead to frustrations and anxiety. Anxiety is a common symptom of adult ADD, as the mind tends to replay worrisome events repeatedly.

Me: Not all the time, but when I'm restless, I'm restless. 

Relationship Issues. An adult with ADD often has trouble in relationships, whether they are professional, romantic, or platonic. The traits of talking over people in conversation, inattentiveness, and easily being bored can be draining on relationships as a person can come across as insensitive, irresponsible, or uncaring.

Me: I just want to say that I've been blessed with a wonderful hubby and awesome friends who are able to take my nonsense. But still, I am aware of how weird I am, and I'm wary to opening myself up.

I've seen people harness their weaknesses for good. I want to do the same too. Wish me the best.

the birthday post.

I'm 36! :)

Gliding into this age loved and grateful and humbled. It's a great day to be alive.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Woot!

P/S: Still think I'm 30. ;)

I've had questions without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing that I cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost, I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, I call You Healer
When silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me, and sustain me
My defender for ever more

And I will praise You, I will praise You
When the tears fall still I will sing to You
I will praise You, Jesus praise You
Through the suffering still I will sing to You

When the laughter fails to comfort
When my heart aches, Lord are You be there
When confusion is all around me
And the darkness is my closest friend
Still I'll praise You, Jesus praise You

Tim Hughes :: When The Tears Fall

hello, November.

So we are entering into my most favorite month, no prize for guessing why haha! I think November is the Friday night of month. Like how Friday is the beginning of the weekend, November is the beginning of the end of the year, and like how the whole weekend is still ahead, it feels like there's still time at this point to revisit the year's plan and resolutions and work towards ticking off more items off the bucket/resolution list. Holidays are looming and half the fun is in the anticipation. Christmas will soon be in the air, but it's not quite there yet, no rush for gift buying, no pressure for year end activities. The new year is still kinda far away. I love November. :)

Revisiting a song here. Quoting the bits I like. Leaving out the bits I don't. This is so me, right? :)

I know a girl whose head is in a twirl
She has her own lovely little world
And cause she likes me I get to look inside
And when I do the things that I see
Like trips to Spain and houses in the trees
Makes me wish that my mind was just as free

So baby, I know it's fun to play
And let your thoughts drift away
Dreamer, that's what you are

Mayer Hawthorne :: Fantasy Girl (Cover)

i sure know how to embarrass myself :\

I paused and cupped the moment in my hand. I felt its tickling warmth. I scanned the room and took in what I would. The sunlight coming in through the window. The balmy breeze. My books. The smell of the newly changed bed sheet. The clean floor. The thought of you. I am happy. :)

Leehom's new single, Lose Myself 忘我 feat. DJ Avicii is finally out! I loved it immediately, I don't know what it is about yet, but the tune is pretty awesome. C-pop + EDM FTW! :) Can't wait to download it from iTunes and set it to countless repeat! :)

Here's this link to the song, but it is not from his official channel, so I don't know if this is leaked. It's already going around on FB right now. I remember though that the release date was supposed to be today. We'll see. I'll embed the YouTube vid here when his channel posts it up.

Mm the point of this post is two-pronged: to celebrate the release of the song, and also to show the kind of weirdo I am, one who's fixated on what most might consider trivial and has the need to point out typos and stuff by making a comment on the video and then proceed to blog about it at 2:45AM when she should really be trying to finish her work. I am pissed off at myself tonight, and I'm trying to distract myself from dwelling on that I guess, even though doing this is making it worse. Sigh, someone please humour me.

Anyway, I can't help it! I made that comment below for the poster to fix his name, but the entire title bugs me very much. Other than the L in his name, the F in Feat. should be lowercase too. There shouldn't be a space between Myself and the colon (some people like it like that, perhaps for the visual balance, but it's not a generally accepted convention. I don't think the colon is necessary at all here.

The title should go like this: Wang Leehom feat. Avicii - Lose Myself 忘我

So yeah kthnxbai.



Edit 2/9/14 - Woot! They fixed it. ^^

brain teaser

Quick, do you know this symbol Ψ is and what you get when you add it to my name??

No? Hehe! You get ...

Geddit, geddit?!?

...

That, exactly! Hahahaahah!

...

Welllll, you see... Ψ is Psi, i.e. the 23rd letter of the Greek alphabet.. and is commonly used in physics to represent wave functions in quantum mechanics, such as in the Schrödinger equation and bra–ket notation: \langle\phi|\psi\rangle.. blah blah blah..

Anywayyy, this is what happens when you put that symbol in my name:
ELLIS + Ψ
= ELLIS + PSI
= Ellipsis i.e. ...



XD XD XD


HAHAHAHAHAH I WAS SQUEALING IN DELIGHT (and in silence too -- man that was hard!!!) when the light bulb went off. Yes, yes, I'm easily amused. :D :D :D

*HEART*

I started walking/running again, yesterday being my second time in as many weeks. It's been a long time coming, ever since I stopped last year due to err.. inclement weather or sumfink like that lol! I might have ran a couple of times in the meantime, but it's really been close to a year since I donned my running shoes and sweat it out at KLCC Park. I really hope to continue doing it once weekly, for it's getting harder and harder to shed those weight.. *dripping w sarcasm* thanksssssss, age.

Anyhoo, running. Look at all these inspirational posters... aren't they... inspirational? What a romantic, lofty view eh.

If only they worked on me!

This is no secret but the truth is... I HATE running.

All I want to do is to lie down like a slug on my couch and stuff my face with potato chips drowned in chili cheese and still be able to fit into a size 4 dress. Yes, that is how it should be.

Most people might find running therapeutic and that they are able to focus and think about stuff and all. Or like Olympian Eric Liddell who said he was born to run and so felt God's pleasure when he was running.

When I run, all I could think about is WHEN WOULD THIS END? WHY DO I THIS? HOW LONG MORE? CAN I QUIT NOW? Tsk tsk. This happens every. single. time.

Everyone has a calling... this isn't mine la. You know what am I made for?

EATING. I feel such pleasure when I eat yummy food. Like that piping hot bowl of fish head I had last night? That was DIVINE. Nasi lemak? Tandoori chicken? Bak kut teh? Curry? Grilled lamb? Pasta carbonara? Roast duck? Rendang? Roast pork? Claypot rice? THESE ARE STUFF LIFE IS MADE OFF OKAY.

Sigh..... so for you food oh glorious food, I shall hit the track again next week and the week after and endure that grueling 50 minutes so that guilt would slide off me while I go for that second helping. Nom nom. :)

Btw, I actually like walking. I think I can cover quite a distance on foot. So why don't I walk right? Because it takes forever to cover my usual route. And also because ambling doesn't cut it. It burns so few calories I'd be wasting my time. I actually alternate between running and brisk walking, because I just don't have the stamina to run 5km continuously.. so there.

Haha, look at me, blogging about food while fasting. Tsk tsk! *beams*

The other night I was in my room when I suddenly thought I smelled something like smoke. I got up and went around checking in case something was burning. I checked the plugs and the curtains and around, but there was nothing. I thought it came from the neighbor but  my room is kinda sealed. Anyway, it happened a couple more times intermittently, so I thought my nose was just being sensitive.

And yesterday, when I got into the office, I smelled it again.. I thought it was my CEO as he has the tendency to light up a cigar when he's in the office and the smell would permeate from his wing to ours. But my colleague said she didn't smell anything, and I believe her because her usually sensitive nose would pick up on any unusual smell. Weird, right?

So I thought I'd just googled "smelling burning smell" which is like such a feeble search term so I did not expect anything much but lo and behold, it's actually a thing on the top result! So yeah, this condition is called phantosmia, a form of olfactory hallucination.

So yeah. MY NOSE IS HALLUCINATING. WUT. From wiki:

While most olfactory hallucinations are caused by a misinterpretation of a physical stimulus, phantosmia is the perception of a smell in the complete absence of any physical odors. The odor can range from pleasant to disgusting. Although the causes of phantosmia are uncertain, it often occurs with neurological and psychological disorders such as schizophrenia, mood disorders, Parkinsons disease, epilepsy, neuroblastoma, and frequent migraines.

Nobody panics now, but.... whaaat? Ergh, since it's not fatal or anything I'm not very worried. And I don't want to freak myself out so I'm not going to read anything more about it (ignorance is bliss :P) But this is just... I don't know... WEIRD??

Alice.

I love me a serendipitous find, and I love that I found Alice. I love how it sounds ethereal and poignant at the same time, like a beautiful sadness of sort.. and the words evokes a kind of wistfulness that I can't quite put my finger on, so yeah, this has been driving me blithely loopy this whole week.

I'm not sure if the title is based on Alice in Wonderland (there's a footnote in the video description that indicates such, but I don't know if it was just an opinion or if the author meant it that way) but I was drawn to the video by the name alone.. Growing up, AiW was one of my fav books, and even though I pretended to get flustered when people teased me by that name, I've always felt an affinity to it. I don't suppose this song has to do with her though, the lyrics tell of a different story, and based on the author's description about the song, it's something like this:

There are two of them, let's call them A (girl) and B (boy). It's a song from B's point of view, who's keeping an eye on A. I don't know if A realized B's feelings. They are always together, helping or counting on each other when facing troubles, but somehow they are not able to be in love with each other. And B did reckless things, and lost many things.—

Such is the story. I think that there are many people who have experienced this in them. And if you heard a sigh in this song, it means you have an experience which had passed your own happy summer.

Make what you want of that. Btw if you think that the singer sounds like a robot, it's because she is. The singer, Hatsune Miku (初音ミク), according to wiki "is a humanoid persona voiced by a singing synthesizer application developed by Crypton Future Media, headquartered in Sapporo city..." And she is personified as a 16-year-old girl with long turquoise pigtails, like this ----------------------------->

I think she's cute and I could see her appeal and if I had the chance I would like to attend one of her concerts (yes) just for the kick of it. I like robot machine android thingamagic. What's not to like about them? Predictable, efficient, objective, cold as iced cola on a hot sunny day what? Hmm, I think it's the same reasons I like cities. Blocks after blocks of dour, stately facades with a million stories behind their walls. Err what? And I can't explain this, but it's also why I'm for Germany this World Cup. Haha, let's move on before I lose you completely.

S said something yesterday that almost got me saying YES! out loud - "Sometimes I think my heart will burst from having too much feels." That's my exact thought, esp every time I ber-emo and ber-drama. How I wish I were a robot sometimes! I don't trust emotions too much cos I've seen the damage they could inflict and yet I'm brimming to the rim with so much feels I don't know what to do with them! If only it's transferable, I think the hub could use with a good dose =) But how terribly dull life would be without a good shot of zealous passion every now and then kan? I think I'll take leave now, right after I say amen! to Adam's quote below. =)

#WiseOwl Wednesday. pic.twitter.com/6JEkwxoykW
— Owl City (@owlcity) July 2, 2014

Romaji Toi, toi, waraenai hanashi Itsuka, boku ga inakunatta nara Fukai, fukai mori ni ochita Kimi wa hitori de yukundaze Tsunaida te ni wa yawaraka na taion Nigitta yubi ga yururi, hodoketara Kareta neiro no kane ga naru Kimi wa hitori de yukundaze Sono mama futari ayunde hitori Usotsuku koe mo mou taedae ni Utsumuki futari kage ga hitotsu Boku mo hitori de yukundaze? Kimi wa awai koi ni ochita Takai takai gake ni saku hana "Todokanai naa." Wakatteru kuse ni Kondo wa hitori de yukundaze Toi, toi, waraenai hanashi Itsuka, boku ga inakunatta nara Fukai, fukai mori ni ochita Kimi wa hitori de yukundaze Sore kara hitori aruite hitori Usotsuku koto mo mou tsukareta. Utsumuki hitori kogane no heya Kimi to futari de itandaze Boku wa fukai mori ni ochita. Kuroku susukete yogoreta kajitsu Sore de owari sore dake no hanashi Kimi wa hitori de yukundaze

English A long, long time ago, in a tragedy If ever comes a day that I go away Deeper and deeper into the forest I'll fall From that moment on, you’ll go alone Feeling a warm temperature in the hands we hold If ever comes a day they gently unfold A dry bell will sound echoing on its own From that moment on, you’ll go alone For we are two of a kind, when we walk, we are one The sound lies being told disappear like the sun And now we both bow our heads, only a single shadow Didn’t you know that I was also going alone? You fell into love of a gentle kind With a flower on top of a high, high cliff “It’s so hard to reach”, I know you know So this time, you’ll have to go alone A long, long time ago, in a tragedy If ever comes a day that I go away Deeper and deeper into the forest I'll fall From that moment on, you’ll go alone And I am one of a kind, when I walk, I am alone I’ve grown weary of lying to the bone Now I bow my head in this golden room I was here with you, and now it’s gone too soon In a forest deep, I sank and I knew I’m a charred and dirty forsaken fruit And that is the end, there’s nothing more to recount From this moment on, you’ll go alone

me, success kid?

Hmm, going by this list, I suppose I'm doing pretty well in life. Let's see..

1. Your relationships are less dramatic than they used to be. - YESSS
Drama is not maturity. As we age, we should develop maturity. So maybe your relationships were drama-filled in your past, but if you have moved beyond that, then you are successful.

2. You are not afraid to ask for help and support any more. - I SUPPOSE SO.
Asking for help does not equal weakness. In fact, it is a strength. No person has ever succeeded in isolation. It takes teamwork to accomplish goals. Asking or help is a sign that you have grown as a person.

3. You have raised your standards. - OR HAVE I LOWERED THEM?
You don’t tolerate bad behavior any more – from other people, or even yourself. You hold people accountable for their actions. You don’t spend time with the “energy vampires” in your life anymore.

4. You let go of things that don’t make you feel good. - KINDA
No, this is not narcissistic even though it might seem like it. Self-love is success. Love yourself enough to say ‘no’ to anything that doesn’t make you happy, doesn’t serve your purpose, or drags you down.

5. You have moments where you appreciate who you see in the mirror. - YEA, THE WONDERS OF MAKEUP
Ideally, you should appreciate who you see in the mirror at every moment. But even if that doesn’t happen, if you do it more than you used to, then that is success. Love yourself. You are awesome.

6. You have learned that setbacks and failure are part of self-growth. - WOULDN'T I KNOW IT.
Not everyone can have success 100% of the time. That’s just not realistic. Life is about victories and losses. So look at your setbacks as stepping stones to something better. In reality, there really is no such thing as as setback. It’s all just part of a wondrous journey.

7. You have a support system that includes people who would do anything for you. - YES :)
If you have figured out the people who “have your back” and recognized the ones who only pretend that they do, then you have succeeded. This is a painful realization, but once you learn to see the signs of betrayal, you can stay away from those people.

8. You don’t complain much. - NOT SURE ABOUT THIS ONE.
Because you know there really is nothing to complain about. Unless you really have gone through some horrific life experience and had unimaginable losses, most of what we all experience on a day-to-day basis is just mundane. And successful people know that. And they live in a space of gratitude.

9. You can celebrate others’ successes. - YES
Just because other people succeed, that doesn’t make you a failure. Applaud the people who rise to the top. The more positive energy you give to other people’s victories, the more you will create your own.

10. You have passions that you pursue. - ERR. YES? MAYBE. NOT SURE.
You are not stagnant. You know you have something wonderful to contribute to the world. You have unique talents and gifts. Not only do you know that, you pursue it.

11. You have things to look forward to. - YES!
If you don’t have exciting things going on in your life that you are eagerly anticipating, then you are slowly dying inside. Successful people create goals that they are passionate about pursuing. They let this excitement drive their life.

12. You have goals that have come true. - YES
Even though “failures” are a part of life, you have stuck to your goals and dreams long enough to make them come to fruition. You have some tastes of victory. It fuels you.

13. You have empathy for others. - YES
A person without empathy is dead inside. Empathy equals spreading love and positive energy into the world. Successful people know this. They love others as if they are family.

14. You love deeply and open yourself up to be loved by others. - YES
Love is risky, and sometimes scary for people. It’s the one thing we all strive for, but it’s also intimately tied to the one thing we fear the most – rejection. If you open your heart enough to love and be loved, then you are successful.

15. You refuse to be be a victim. - YES
You know that life doesn’t always happen to you. Many times, you are a co-creator of your life experiences. Successful people know this and refuse to be kept down by life experiences. The rise up and conquer anyway.

16. You don’t care what other people think. - FOR MOST PART, YES
You know you can’t please everyone. You know that the standards with which society judges people is many times unrealistic. So you just keep true to yourself and love the person you are.

17. You always look on the bright side. - YES
Life can be full of disappointments – if you choose to see them that way. Otherwise, they are learning opportunities. No negative experience is ever wasted as long as you learn from it.

18. You accept what you can’t change. - MM, YES?
Let’s face it – there many things you can’t change in life. All you can change is how you view what happens. If you can change your negative perspective on situations to a positive one, then you are successful.

19. You change what you can. - YES
And let’s face it again – there are many things you can change in life. Successful people don’t sit around accepting the negatives that are changeable. They get out there and do something about it!!

20. You are happy. - YES!
To me, this is the ultimate definition of success. It doesn’t matter what the balance is in your bank account, how big your house is, or how many fancy vacations you take. If you are happy, then you are succeeding in life.

I suppose as long as the definition of success doesn't take into account career achievements or monetary gains, I should be okay hehe! Sometimes I do wish I have those as well... but oh well, I KNOW that I'm very, very blessed so I'm really thankful for all I have.

Mm the things I learn about myself when I talk to them...

// please excuse the typos and what-not.

E: I think I don't feel very secure in rships
J: E: really????
E: that's why I passive aggressive
J: you seem pretty secure
S: you're not secure?
S: whaddya mean?
E: I think I am oblivious
E: hence appearing secure lol
J: which is good la
J: insecurity sometimes comes due to overthinking/overfeeling things that's not there
J: so.. oblivious is also good? brings balance
E: errr
E: lol, let me chew on that
S: hahahaha
E: I think with you guys, I feel the most secure I've ever been
E: but
J: BUT???
J: :P
E: lol
E: but... sometimes... you know hahahhaa
J: sometimes what
J: what E what
E: I think the only rship I feel completely secure about is that with my siblings, my sis esp
E: the rest, there's the fear that these ppl could just one day up and leave and i won't be able to do anything about it
E: I don't have this thought often la
E: very rare actually
E: but.. yeah.. like that la
J: :)
J: awww
J: i never thought about that
J: we will never weeaaaveeee youuuu
E: with my sis, we argue A LOT.. and then we make up hahaha..
E: cos I won't hesitate to tell her what's on my mind
E: maybe cos I don't have that fear
J: ya thats the best rships, knowing that you can tell someone off and yet they can't leave
J: i can tell hebe and ba off all the time and they won't and can't leave
J: best.
E: HAHAHAAHAHAHA
S: i know right? i love dogs
S: cats leave all the time
S: sorry E - I don't think I help your security much cause I always talk about cutting ppl off
E: hehe I'm not worried.. like i said, I feel safe with you guys..
...

He said, "Kelly, I don't think I've ever wanted as much to be free as I've longed to be known." 

d--O-O--b

I seem to keep forgetting to blog about this, but ta-dah... I got myself a pair of specs. Turns out that while my right eye is still in perfect condition, my left eye isn't doing so great, so I'm actually straining the right eye muscle as well. I haven't been able to see very well at night, but I think I've gotten used to that after all these years. Don't ask me about power and astig etc., I still don't get it despite being told a million times haha!

I used to have a pair of rimless glasses back in 2006, but I've stopped using them because I just couldn't get used to having something in front of my eyes all the time, plus I think it ages me (vanity, vanity!). Even this pair, I'm supposed to be wearing them at night, but I keep forgetting and when I do, I find it tiring. And it doesn't give me super power. But I like how I look in this pair though. :)

I am still very conscious of wearing glasses, but it's proven to be so useful especially in low-light areas like the theater (I got it just in time to catch Jersey Boys!) or church auditorium.

With the bros! *heart*

With Sheryl's thesis woot!

Sunday evening ramblings

The Malaysia vs Japan Thomas Cup final is on right now, and I'm too kan cheong to watch. So I'm listening to the faint commentary from the TV in the living room from my bedroom, and maybe I'll go down every now and then to check the score. I don't deal with this kinda stress well haha, plus although I shouldn't think this, I feel my watching would jinx my favorite team.

***
I'm listening to cover versions of Japanese anime tunes by one particular YouTuber. For some reason, it feels appropriate haha! Am I subconsciously for the Japs? Not in the least. But the songs are calming, the dude's got a great voice.

Did you know that I have a Japanese name? It's 朝子 (Asako, lit. child of the morning, yes, a misnomer to the max haha but wait, I was born in the morning so it's kinda apt). My Jap teacher gave it to me back when I was 14 - everyone in class got one. I also remember there was this tall dude with the MOST PERFECT handwriting, be it his kanji, hiragana, katakana and even his roman alphabet. Don't remember his face or his name (mm Alex?) though.

But imagine that, once upon a time, I was able to string basic Japanese sentences. How about that! :)

***
I haven't read for months, and it sucks. I don't know where my reading mojo went, but I've hardly touched any books for so long I can't remember the last book I was reading. Sigh~ I'm so sorry booksies.

***
The score so far: Chong Wei bagged us the first point with a straight win over the Jap first single player. The doubles are playing, and they have won the first set, but trailing in the second. I can't take this!!

***
Oh let me story you about the ah long (illegal creditors) nuisance that has been plaguing my brothers since last week. My bro got a nasty welcome home gift when he got back to JB from our baby bro's KL wedding, in form of two cans of red and yellow paint splashed onto the porch area. There was a 2-piece note with the targeted victim's IC photo and another of the electricity bill bearing the previous owner's name to show us that he got the right house. So my bros made a police report and put up notices on the gate to tell the ah long that they got the wrong person. My sil even texted the fella to let him know, but whaddya you, he won't believe it. And let typed a long string of curses upon the family wtf. Nak kan aku fly down to JB, look the fella up and wring his puny neck. Grrrr.. Okay I can't do anything but get riled up, and that's so frustrating! The latest news is that their new neighbor is also "in the business", and my bros have spoken to him and he said that the amount (RM3k) is too little for regular ah long to be bothered with paint job so ergh I don't know if he's gonna help. Please stay tuned for updates.

***
So we lost the first doubles. The hubby thinks we're going to lose. NOOOOOO! I don't know what's going on at the match. I'll just wait for the final results to be out. *takes a deep breath*

***
My boss wants to see me tmrw for me to update him on the department's activities and progress. While he's a great guy, we don't interact often, and that makes me gelabah gila. I think I'm pretty sensitive to comments, and I'm sure whatever that's going to be said will be replayed in head for a while.

***
Annnd we lost the second single. But there's hope yet so don't give up, team!!

***
Woot, 2-2! OH MY HEART. Could this be? Or.... Argh. SO KAN CHEONG. I don't have a good feeling about this, BUT one should hope! Brr..

***
I brought myself to watch the final set. It was intense. It was nail biting. I thought my heart almost stopped. It was awesome. And it didn't hurt that Ueda is cute! :D

***
My FB status says it all: So close, yet so far. Good game, everyone! Congrats Japan woot! A well-deserved win. Thanks for trying your best, Team Malaysia!

Good night, folks!

classic schmellis

We left home for church early this morning for breakfast and church, and when we got home from lunch and a hospital visitation (and a quick stop for cendol + rojak), we found our door and grille wide open like this:




Immediate thought: We've been robbed!!!
And shortly after: But why are my keys hanging there?
And then, OMG I LEFT IT LIKE THAT!!! FOR SEVEN HOURS!!! IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!!!



I really really reeeeallllly hate how careless I am. *kicks self repeatedly* This was just so outrageous that even the husband had nothing to say. I... I... *cries and hangs head in shame*

Thank God, nothing is missing (afaik), but urgh!

this takes the cake!

I've been coming to Miri so often these past few months that I'm calling it my second home, and even the hotel people have begun to call me by name (like I was some kinda VIP =).

So anyway, just now when I got back to my room, there was a knock on my door, and when I got to it.. the guy from the front desk who usu checks me in (I really should get his name tmrw) was standing there with Irene, a chef from the coffee house, who was holding a birthday cake and they started singing Happy Birthday to me! And I was floored, like O_O Hahaha.. I thanked them profusely of course. It was a really sweet gesture, I was so touched! They really didn't have to, especially when it wasn't like I'm a paying customer (my company foots the bill).. Anyway, I've written them a nice thank-you note in the customer feedback form.

So for the second time this birthday, I was taken totally by surprise. So much for wanting to escape the birthday limelight! =) I mean, I would have been more than okay if none of these happened, but I'm so grateful for the kindness of others, on top of the sweetest and most heartfelt messages I got from my closest friends and siblings over FB, Whatsapp, Wechat and Weibo (viva social media!). I'm blessed beyond measure! :)

You can't really see it here, but my face color matched my shirt's. And that small cake fed 42 people (it was the only one left at the shop when my colleague was asked last minute by my boss to get a cake) - quite close to a miracle eh? :) My boss definitely earned a tonne of brownie points from me for this! :)

Shared the cake and the story with my colleagues from KL who also happen to be in Miri. Thanks, Everly Parkcity! :)

30 again.

So today I turn 35. Touching the point of middle life (yeah, I'd like to go home at 70 =), crossing the border to the other side of life (whatever that meant). Honestly, I still feel like I'm the same as I was in 2008. It's a good thing right? =)

At this point, I just want to say how grateful I am at life and all the blessings I've received. I am certain I don't deserve any of it, but the grace of God upon my life is so much more than my mind could ever come up with. I thank God for my awesome parents, awesome siblings, awesome husband, awesome friends... all who love me in spite of who I am. I know I can be quite a handful and difficult to understand and just completely lost in my own world sometimes, so thanks for bearing with me. I LOVE YOU GUYS. *sob sob*

Btw I came across this answer below on Quora, and it changed my perspective of time. I don't know what the next 35 years will bring, but I want it to be good and I want it to mean something and I want it to matter and I don't want it to be just about me.. So, what's in store? I don't know and I'm nervous but I leave it to God's hand.. Jesus, guide my way as I go on living one day at a time yo!

Btw I'm Miri this week, and I thought I had escaped to a low-key birthday, but I was surprised by a cake from my boss at dinner just now and had the birthday song sung to me by 30 of my colleagues whom I don't know (plus 11 whom I do), so I was really horrified but touched at the same time hehe.

Hi, I'm E and I'm an info junkie. Quora is my drug of choice, and Wikipedia a close second, but I dabble with everything else out there on the interweb that catches my fancy. I love the immediate gratification of having known something I didn't just a moment ago, but it sucks to know that I'm just mindlessly consuming bytes and bits of information and not using them for greater good. I am probably over-stimulated, but what can I say, I love it.

And like the adage that goes, "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing", I'm a pretty dangerous person hehe. Aish, the thing is, knowing that there's so much knowledge out there that's beyond my grasp just make me feel so... stupid. And that's my problem. I hate to feel stupid, so I read, but the more I read, the more stupid I feel. So yeah, classic catch-22!

Srsly, if I could monetize all the information I've read, I should be pretty rich. Or if I could translate them into applicable skills, I should be pretty successful. Or if that would at least make me an interesting conversationalist, I would be the life of a party, and perhaps even my own talk show.

Unfortunately, I'm also an information bulimic -- I probably retain only 1.7% of everything I've tirelessly consumed, the rest are gone with the wind into the dead of the night~

It just hit me as I was reading a wiki entry on rapping as if I have any business knowing more on that subject matter (but it's obvious how I got there, isn't it? :).

kindred spirit.

I'm suppressing a hearty laughter as I type this, because I just found out that.......................... Eminem is an ISFP like me! Hahahaha!

I had kinda suspected it (can't help it when you are absorbing so much information about one person, it makes you just want to slap a label on them so that you can manage and cope with the inflow of info, and that was when I kinda saw a reflection of myself in him which led me to believe that we share similar traits)(not something I'm proud or ashamed of, it's just who I am) but never thought to google it to confirm my assessment until just now.

So, according to this (and this comment in particular) and this, Em and I are kindred spirit. I think I just melted a lil. But then again, it's not all too surprising because many artists are ISFP -- that's what ISFP is known as: The Artist. There are also arguments for other personality types (particularly INFJ or INTJ)(personally I don't think he's N, but to each her own) but still, this is exciting and I'm excited so let me have my moment! ^_^ Okay, I'm still laughing (more like chuckling, aloud, but there's no one around so it's not awkward).

Oh and by the same measures, I'm fairly certain that Leehom is an ESTJ. Differing opinions are welcome. Btw they are the only two popular figures who I can somewhat claim to have an insight into their psyche because I've watched and heard and read them in many, many interviews.. more than I care to admit haha!

offloading.

Ahh the weather just screams "blog something!".. okay, not screaming, just gently suggesting. It's gloomy and gray outside and I could see a light drizzle but I'm lovin' it. Okay, let's get to it.

I've been thinking, the past four years (roughly 2010 onward) felt like it has only been just one year. You know how I always lament that time passes by so quickly, I suppose the past 1,460 days felt exactly right as a year and not four. Memory-wise at least, everything seems so recent. It's like I've just joined the company, I've just left my old church, I've just grown closer to my present group of friends... I suppose the birth of this blog back then marked the beginning of that "new year", and when I read back the entries, they didn't seem like it was another lifetime ago.

Maybe the leap year is there for the reason that it signifies a complete cycle, that each one should consist of four trips around the sun instead of one. Maybe time isn't linear as how we usually measure it, but something more dynamic and differs from one individual to another but we use standard time-keeping so that we could be on the same page. And this change only starts once you hit 30. So by that measure, I'm 31 going on 32, which is exactly how old I feel. I love it how pieces of puzzles like these make perfect logic-defying sense in my head. Haha!

I've also wondered if I'm going through some sort of midlife crisis. I'm 35 (in conventional year *cough*) this year, right about the halfway mark to 70 which is how long I expect to live. So yeah, like some people who go through MLC with a new sports car and a younger wife, I seek other forms of excitement.. like, I never expected to like Chinese pop music, but I went crazy over Leehom which made me a happy bunny for a good long time. And I certainly never in a million years would have expected to be a fan of Eminem, no more than I would have expected myself to ever like K-pop (it hasn't happen yet, but at the rate things are going, who knows!). Maybe I like that he's so far removed from my world but here I am, probably close to exhausting all online links with his name and trying to talk myself out of the crush (yes) by constantly questioning myself and slowly expanding my base to other hip hop artists.

But just as it was with every other musician or band or singer that I like, I don't go very far off base. I will check out their peers who are of equal standing if not more superior (like how I checked out Jay Chou for Leehom), but my loyalty and connection are already sealed with that one entity in that given space and time. I find it impossible to rank the musicians/bands/singers I like (and by these I mean the ones I was really into, where I've heard their entire catalog of songs, not the ones where I just like one or a few songs).. I feel a deep connection with each of them, and each is different from the other because I relate and bond with them at different season of my life.. so even if I don't listen to them very often now, their importance doesn't fade and I can instantly feel the same fervency when I hear any of their songs. And this journey, I must say that I'm thrilled (and perhaps a little wary) of what's going on, but I will ride the wave out.

You know, there was this line from Em's latest song that struck a chord with me, when he rapped, "Say f--- it before we kick the bucket, life's too short to not go for broke." Not that I want to be reckless, but I've been thinking about that a while now and have been wondering what that means for me. I've always felt that I'm holding back, perhaps stemming from a strong need to feel that I'm in control. I also feel like I've been waiting a long time for something but I have no idea if whatever that is is coming or not. I still feel that I'm living a lot for myself, and of course I'm fine with it, but I'm just not sure if.. Hmm, maybe I'll just continue waiting. It's a good place to be, I won't deny that, but I'm just hoping I'm not missing the boat or bus or train or flight to wherever I'm supposed to go.

Anyway, I don't know how long or how deep I would be wading in these waters, but I wish I had discovered it earlier! I really love the wordplay and verbosity afforded by hip hop. There's so much more room to tell a story or to express one's thoughts and feelings. And to have the stories in rhymes, now that's music to my ear. I just think it takes mad skills to spit a string of cohesive rhyme so I'm practically awestruck over and over again. And the raw honesty is definitely a major pull factor for me. And yes, I'm all too aware of and will not deny the violent/misogynistic/offensive aspects found in rap songs but hey, it's not confined to this genre. Summer song darlin' Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines is a wolf in sheep's clothing, which is worse.. so yeah, I'm navigating with caution, and I believe my friends will keep me in check too. At this point, I'm just enjoying rapping as a sublime art form. Bleh, I think my endurance for coarse language is stronger now (thanks but no thanks, Em).

Moving on, I find reading my personality description to be such a relief most times. It assures me that I'm not weird (or at least if I was, that I'm not the only one). True to my ISFP character which is described as being "intense people who experience their emotions on an intense level. Although they may appear to be light-hearted, they are in fact extremely serious, and take their relationships seriously", I experience very strong, almost overwhelming, emotions that I feel like I have no control over (e.g. as shown in my response to my favorite music). It's like there's a giant magnifying glass and my emotions are like the sunlight going through it and hitting one spot that is me. I am averse to being run over by emotions and yet I still experience it through and through. This is what I mean when I feel like I'm driving myself insane. I hit very high highs where I feel like I could take on the world. Like the haiku that I wrote, I cannot begin to describe the level of satisfaction and pride and contentment and depth that I felt when those words were formed, first in my heads as fragmented description of what I was feeling and scattered pieces of what I was thinking about, and later when I manage to collect and have them materialise as typed words. In those three lines and 14 syllables was captured my entire state of being at that moment in time, and to have it down in written words is just so... so good. But that all those feelings could be so consuming and amplified to the point where I think I might implode. And then when I snap out of the stupor, I'll be staring at those three lines and 14 syllables and not being able to imagine anyone else seeing them beyond that. Have I unwittingly convinced you that I need to be institutionalised? Hehe!

Also, we ISFPs are also said to "may have a problem with communication. With Introverted Feeling dominating their personality, they are more vulnerable than most to being hurt. Perhaps because of this, they tend to hold back part of themselves from others, and do not always say what they think or feel. This is especially true during conflict situations, which the ISFP abhors more than anything in the world. Confrontations and arguments are very difficult for the ISFP to deal with. They feel personally threatened in these situations." I told you that I hold myself back. Mm, since this is part of my character, I wonder if I could break out of it. And yes, no conflict please, can we all just get along, here have some cornflakes kthnxbai.

Anyways, I'm done writing for now. Just want to get some stuff off my chest. I love this blog for this very reason! *breathes normal again*