so long, and thanks for all the fish.

2014 hasn't been kind to the nation and is going out screaming and kicking with massive floods in the East Coast and a crashed flight, but in the face of pains and fears and uncertainties, I want to wrestle a shred of hope for myself by bringing to mind all the good things that have also happened and be thankful for them.

As I went through my 2014 blog posts and also Facebook (srsly, I'm so thankful for social media otherwise my life is essentially gone with the wind), I am repeatedly reminded that I am blessed beyond measure, and how could I not when I have..

• these gals
• this miracle 
• this new look 
• this wedding
• this farewell
• this food trip
• this work trip
• this drive
• this family
• these friends
• and these
• and these
• this boy 
• and this
• this hobby
• these songs
• this musical
• this list
• this opportunity
• this milestone
• this charity, and 
• this reunion?

And on this high note, I bid this blog goodbye. Kinda :( but I'll hold it in. See you on the other side!

theevanescentloafer.blogspot.com

Ooh check out Dictionary.com's Word of the Day... It's a sign! A sign of what, you might ask. Stay tuned, you'd soon find out. Jeng jeng jeng..

another cul-de-sac.

I find it amazing that I still blog. Almost everyone I knew who has a blog when I published my first post has long given up their digital pen. Personally I don't even follow any blog anymore. I used to read from Google Reader without fail each day, but I guess they foresaw that blogs are dying when they shut the site down eighteen months ago (that's 18 million years in internet age). I hopped over to another another feed aggregator, but I somehow stopped reading blogs around the same time. Now it's all Medium, Buzzfeed, HuffPost, TheMalaysianInsider, Cilisos, Bored Panda and what not, with the occasional posts from Jamie and Caleb.. and once in a while when J mentions it, Uncle Beck. So I guess, blog is dead?

I'll leave it to the social media commentators to debate on that, I just wanna "announce" that I'll be closing this blog soon, in 7 days to be exact. Butttt... it's not like I'm going to stop writing though. It's just that I found myself another new place, and I'll post the link up at the strike of midnight when 2014 ends. So yeah, no drama here. :)

But wow. I can't believe that I've been blogging for ten years *snap fingers* just like that. But given that my blog is not very different from my diary, as a matter of fact, it's practically the same thing in different format, it's not very surprising la, I've been journaling since I was a wee lass anyway. I want to capture these mini moments so that I won't lose myself when I get older. It's meant to supplement my Facebook presence. And Twitter. And Instagram. Haha, social media wasn't even a word when I started blogging. Gosh, confirm dinosaur haha! 

Anyway, I have really liked it here. I don't think I'm an interesting person, but this is me. The good side, at least. Thanks for reading and keeping quiet. I don't need to know who you are lest I get too self-conscious when writing, but I'm happy to see the pageview counter number rising albeit slowly. So yeah, thanks.. and come join me at my new blog? :)


Read my previous blog closing note: cul-de-sac

This year's loot, courtesy of the Big Bad Wolf. That's 25 books for RM221, and if that ain't a steal, I don't know what is.

I didn't realise I bought so many books until last night when I stacked them up and counted. My ignorance was most likely because I went twice to the sale the past two weeks. 

Didn't plan to go the second time, but A told me they added new books so I thought I should give it another round. Wasn't expecting much as my first trip there wasn't as exciting as the previous years', but I ended up with almost as many books as my first round. 

This includes a number of memoirs, some graphic novels, a few Lisa See's and some random titles.. a good mix I'd say.

Bah, I haven't even finished last year's books so I doubt I'd finish this year's in the next 365 days, but I couldn't resist adding these to my shelves. *swoons* 

I know I'm not going to meet my target reading this year (I'm at least five books behind and there's only two weeks till the year ends..) but I can be hopeful about 2015 right? Right! :) (I might jussst make it. Just checked and found out that I am only ONE book behind. This is doable!)

ADD, subtract, multiply and divide

I may be a quack, but I'm pretty sure I have ADD. I've known this for a while, I mean, how could I not have it? Like this list of symptoms, I could definitely use it as a framework for my biography/memoir.

Lack of Focus. Possibly the most telltale sign of ADD, “lack of focus” goes beyond difficulty paying attention. It means being easily distracted, finding it difficult to listen to others in a conversation, overlooking details, and not finishing work or projects.

Me: Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. :\

Hyper-focus. While people with ADD are often easily distractible, the flip side of the coin is called hyper-focus. While engaged in an activity they like, a person with ADD/ADHD can be so engrossed in something that they are ignorant to anything else around them. This kind of focus makes it easier to lose track of time, ignore those around you, and cause relationship problems.

Me: This is also true. And yes, it's caused me trouble. :\

Disorganization. Life can seem chaotic for everyone at times, but someone with ADD experiences a more hectic life on a regular basis. You may have problems with time management, keeping track of tasks, procrastination, chronic lateness, and prioritizing.

Me: Did someone say procrastination? I am your Queen. But I don't have problem with chronic lateness -- I'm pretty punctual when I'm expected to be someplace. That said, I'm among the last person to step into the office every day. But that's just cos I'm not a morning person, but mostly, it's because I could get away with it. 

Forgetfulness. For someone with ADD, forgetfulness is a part of life. This includes routinely forgetting where you’ve put something or important dates. Some can be menial, while others can be serious. The bottom line is that forgetfulness can be damaging to careers and relationships because it can be confused with carelessness.

Me: This word practically defines my existence! XD

Impulsivity. Impulsivity in someone with ADD can manifest as interrupting others during conversation, being socially inappropriate, rushing through tasks, or acting without much consideration to the consequences. A person’s shopping habits are often a good indication of ADD. Impulse buying, especially on items they can’t afford, is a common symptom of adult ADD.

Me: Mm, while I am impatient and have the tendency to be impulsive, I rarely succumb to impulse buying. 

Emotional Problems. Life with ADD can seem chaotic, as though your emotions are on a constantly up-and-down journey. You can easily become bored and go looking for excitement on a whim. Small frustrations can seem intolerable or bring on depression and mood swings.

Me: Not as severe as described, but I'm practically strapped on and stuck on a perpetual emotional roller coaster ride. Somebody get me off this!

Poor Self-image. Adults with ADD are often hypercritical of themselves, which can lead to a poor self-image. This is due in part of their inability to concentrate and other symptoms that may cause problems in school, work, or relationships. You may view these difficulties as personal failures or underachievement, which can cause you to see yourself in a negative light.

Me: Yeah, this. :( I'm not even a perfectionist sigh.  

Lack of Motivation. While you might be open to doing everything at once, you also may feel unmotivated. This is problem commonly seen in children with ADD who can’t often focus on schoolwork, but it also can happen with adults. Coupled with procrastination and poor organizational skills, it may be difficult for an adult with ADD to finish a project because they can’t focus for long periods of time.

Me: *cries* MEMANG BENAR!

Restlessness & Anxiety. As an adult with ADD, you may feel like your motor can’t shut off. Your yearning to keep moving and doing things can lead to frustration when you can’t do something immediately. This yields to restlessness, which can lead to frustrations and anxiety. Anxiety is a common symptom of adult ADD, as the mind tends to replay worrisome events repeatedly.

Me: Not all the time, but when I'm restless, I'm restless. 

Relationship Issues. An adult with ADD often has trouble in relationships, whether they are professional, romantic, or platonic. The traits of talking over people in conversation, inattentiveness, and easily being bored can be draining on relationships as a person can come across as insensitive, irresponsible, or uncaring.

Me: I just want to say that I've been blessed with a wonderful hubby and awesome friends who are able to take my nonsense. But still, I am aware of how weird I am, and I'm wary to opening myself up.

I've seen people harness their weaknesses for good. I want to do the same too. Wish me the best.

So I watched The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (時をかける少女 Toki o Kakeru Shōjo) and I.. hmm, can't decide if I liked it.

I've said before time travel is an iffy topic to tackle, and I don't quite like how it was done here.. but that's my personal bone to pick. There are other questions as well, and the more I think about it, more of them arose so much so now I'm filled with them.. But there was one part though where I got caught up in the moment that I suppose did make the movie worth it, and it's in one of the images below. :)

Pacing wise, it was a bit slow in the beginning, and by the time it picked up, it was almost over. If I wasn't folding my mountain of laundry, I might not have the patience to sit through it. Style and colour wise, it was okay, it didn't stand out very much but it suited the mood of the story nicely. Mm that's all I've got to say. :D

Watch it here.









and one last one for the lols (that's me btw, photobombing J's dad, and that's my MIL in the background hehe):

5 Centimeters Per Second ( 秒速5センチメートル Byōsoku Go Senchimētoru) has got to be the most gorgeous anime I've ever seen. I love, love, LOVE it. The cinematography, art direction, digital animation, colours and lighting were all superb. The story line however is not uncommon, of young love and loss and yearnings, but it was very well portrayed. It was a slow movie, like really slowww.. which should have been a setback for me, plus it's romance drama, my least favorite sub-genre of my least favorite genre, but I was so enthralled that I didn't notice it until I read some reviews. The short running time (63 minutes) helped, and I could relate what was going on-screen and was just drinking in the beautiful scenery, shot after shot. Ahh, such bliss..

The show is divided into three so-called chapters. I don't want to go into details so you can read them here. I want to point out though that many reviews didn't think too much of the second chapter, but it was the very one that touched me the most because I saw myself as the girl who has a crush on our male protagonist but not being able to express it, knowing well that his mind is occupied with another, but at the same time she keeps trying to create opportunities to be close to the person.. it was almost like a chapter out of my youth. Given that almost the entire film happened during the early 1990's when there weren't Facebook or mobile phones or instant messaging, it could very well have been my story hehe. I was surprised how most reviews I've read dismissed this chapter, some didn't even mention her and there was one who felt her presence was extraneous.. I actually felt that this lovelorn girl was just as central to the show if not more as the other two, but I guess every reviewer sees differently. (Edit: After reading more reviews, I take back what I said about Ch 2 being overlooked :)

Anyway, I'm listening to the OST now, totally enrapt. Just gonna leave some screenshots here..

Watch it here.

the birthday post.

I'm 36! :)

Gliding into this age loved and grateful and humbled. It's a great day to be alive.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Woot!

P/S: Still think I'm 30. ;)

I've had questions without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing that I cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost, I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds, I call You Healer
When silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me, and sustain me
My defender for ever more

And I will praise You, I will praise You
When the tears fall still I will sing to You
I will praise You, Jesus praise You
Through the suffering still I will sing to You

When the laughter fails to comfort
When my heart aches, Lord are You be there
When confusion is all around me
And the darkness is my closest friend
Still I'll praise You, Jesus praise You

Tim Hughes :: When The Tears Fall

Had my first Skype interview last night. Not sure if this would lead any where, but it was an interesting experience. :)

Another song that I've been playing to death. It's from Puteri Gunung Ledang's movie soundtrack. For some reason I didn't think that I'd like it because it's such a slowww song, but it quickly grew on me. :)

Btw the reunion concert for the musical has been postponed to March 2015 as Tiara Jacquelina has been stricken with vocal cord nodules. Kinda bummed out about the postponement because I've been so looking forward to it and I've been looping the musical soundtrack the entire month, but I totally understand that she needs the rest. I hope she recovers soon! :)

The last song off the last album of them together as a band. They are on their farewell tour now -- too bad they won't get here. I'll miss them. Thanks for the music, guys! :)

We'll live together, forever, forever...

hello, November.

So we are entering into my most favorite month, no prize for guessing why haha! I think November is the Friday night of month. Like how Friday is the beginning of the weekend, November is the beginning of the end of the year, and like how the whole weekend is still ahead, it feels like there's still time at this point to revisit the year's plan and resolutions and work towards ticking off more items off the bucket/resolution list. Holidays are looming and half the fun is in the anticipation. Christmas will soon be in the air, but it's not quite there yet, no rush for gift buying, no pressure for year end activities. The new year is still kinda far away. I love November. :)

Revisiting a song here. Quoting the bits I like. Leaving out the bits I don't. This is so me, right? :)

I know a girl whose head is in a twirl
She has her own lovely little world
And cause she likes me I get to look inside
And when I do the things that I see
Like trips to Spain and houses in the trees
Makes me wish that my mind was just as free

So baby, I know it's fun to play
And let your thoughts drift away
Dreamer, that's what you are

Mayer Hawthorne :: Fantasy Girl (Cover)

Finally, today I found out what it really was. Haha! Took me long enough...

Have you ever heard a word?
Rather be lonely in love, than alive with you and dead
Have you ever heard a word?
Hear me out this time (Hear me out this time)
Have you ever heard a word?
Rather be lonely in love, than alive with you and dead.
Have you ever heard a word?
Hear me out this time (Hear me out this time)

Anberlin :: There Is No Mathematics To Love And Loss

i sure know how to embarrass myself :\

horror of horrors.

so last night i went back to my parents' place because they had a harvest of bananas and asked me to go back for some. the hubby wasn't free so i went back alone which i'm usually okay with cos it's my old home and i practically grew up there.. but then again, i haven't been back in a while as they have moved out, only that they go back there every morning to cook and prepare soyabean drinks for sale. oh have I mentioned my old house is right smack in the middle of a Chinese cemetery? it doesn't bother me though---I've never had any eerie experiences of any sort. it's just a place where home was.

the thing is, it is not so much the spirits than the serpentine that bother me. as i was reaching home, i remembered how my parents have been telling me about their recent encounterSSS with SNAKES OMG. if there are two things that i am most terrified of, they are syringes/needles and SNAKES. just thinking about them can make me stop dead in my track---i have vivid imagination, what can i say. anyway they told me about this HUGE snake (i think it's python) that they have seen around and how fast that bloody thing moves and all.

my imagination was already going wild the whole time but i didn't realise how scared i was until i parked. my parents were not home and it was quite dark all around. i left my car ignition and lights on and i walked to the back of the house to get in. the house is this dilapidated structure (my parents built it around the time i was born and it's made of wood and hasn't stood the test of time---anyone up for a tour haha) and it wasn't very well lit and images of snakes flying out from nowhere and mauling me had me close to tears - ok I cried a bit - it was a page right out of a horror movie okay no kidding.

i was so petrified that i stood at some spots for so long, wondering if i should turn back.. but i kept inching forward (like a classic protagonist who's gonna die in the next scene). getting into the house took spy-like ability (old house, tricky locks) and i was using my phone as flashlight but it was running out of battery so i had to get in before it was all dark. of all the days i didn't keep it charged.. -_-

i got in after some fumbling about and i stopped and looked at every spot in my house where i've previously seen a snake, half expecting one there. and i couldn't see where my parents left the bananas and they didn't pick up my calls until a good few times later. all i could only think about was my imminent death by then.. stuff like if i would have time to text everyone a farewell message, and which order that would go, or if i should just send a mass text in case i died quick.. my heart was pounding the whole time and my body was so tense and i probably heard my blood coursing through every vein and capillary.

thank God kitty was home and her meowing provided some assurance to me. i suppose if there were danger she would be hissing with hair standing up instead of rubbing herself against me and trying to get me to pet her, right? i was told that the bananas were in my old room which is like this spooky and dark room and again i contemplated whether to just leave empty handed. but i thought if i survived this, my parents might not be so pleased so i soldiered on. i ran in, quickly took a comb and dashed out of the room and patted the cat and left the house with my heart intact but really, what an ordeal i had to suffer for a bunch of bananas.

home schome, i am srsly never ever going back there alone again.