life and love and why

I had barely sat down when she took a seat beside me. Her smiling face was friendly and she asked if it was my first time there, and if I would be coming regularly. I said that I'd only be there today as I was with my husband who was a special guest there today. Her bubbly personality continued to engage me, and we conversed for a while. That was when I found out that she was a refugee from a South Asian country, and she has just recently arrived in Malaysia with her new husband and his family of seven more people. Something had happened back home, and they had to leave everything behind and flee. The young woman was well spoken -- well, she holds a degree in B.Comm with Honours from a reputable university back home. They looked like they were middle class citizens where they came from. Now here, the family of nine is sharing a small flat and are looking for work to support themselves, but without the necessary documents, it's impossible to find a proper job. We promised that we'd try to help them the best we could. They sounded hopeful, and expressed how grateful they are for being here.

My heart is heavy. My heart is light. My heart is broken. My heart is full. 
My heart is...

Sigh. I really don't know what to make of life and how to believe that God is in control when evidences point everywhere. In spite of my doubts, I truly believe that he is, he sees, he knows. Funny how this faith is what's driving me crazy and keeping me sane. God, please protect and sustain and strengthen them through this storm.