of a few boys.

Was discussing some work with my website servicing consultant this morning, when I found out he was down with some nasty cough and that he was going to leave for home soon after the conversation, and so when I saw that he was still online after about half an hour, I buzzed him.

Hey what are you still doing here!

Finishing everything up at the moment. Since today we have quite a lot of urgent tasks at hand, I could only ever go back at 4 pm the earliest today. :(

Aiyo! :( But you're sick!

Yeah, but I'd much rather take it upon myself to stay here and get things done and sorted out first than to cause trouble for everyone here for leaving early. It really doesn't sit with me too well if that were to happen haha xD So no issue for me I guess, as long as I can stop myself from dropping dead suddenly from all this sneezing :P

Haha you're quite an awesome worker. Your attitude is really commendable. :D But please don't drop dead. It would be quite a hassle getting rid of your body. It's crunch time for your colleagues too so don't be inconsiderate. :P

Haha! Now that you mention it, perhaps I should really leave now. xD I truly believe that if you try your hardest for other people, they will return the favour in one way or another! X) Or even if they don't, at least you know you have done the right thing! :) Alright, time for me to get things sorted out as quick as possible before I really do drop dead, while I still can xD Thanks again and enjoy your day!

Srsly, how many people, especially guys, do you know who type in complete, properly punctuated and correctly capitalised sentences? I think I can count the total of everyone I know who's like that on one hand (A, C, M and A, there ya go). But even I don't chat like that, as I feels it looks too formal but I'm warming up to the practice (it looks weird when I don't, so when in Romeee..)

He and one of his seniors are some of my most favorite people I've worked with. Ever polite, efficient and helpful, I find their bright eyed and bushy tailed attitude so refreshing and their youthful exuberance so infectious -- it's always such a joy to talk to them although it does make me wonder what cynical cow I'm turning into. :D

Anyway, on the opposite end of the mood spectrum, I find this sad sounding song rather soothing. Makes me think about stuff. Hat tip to A for the intro. :)

Oh I might as well put this here cos I lazy to start a new post about it. So I watched the Jersey Boys musical with my regular kaki WW. For some reasons I didn't think of checking out their songs prior, so the enjoyment level was less than optimum. Still enjoyed it though. Did you know that the Four Seasons were the biggest rock group there was before the Beatles? I didn't. And I found it strange that I only knew ONE of their songs (the evergreen Can't Take My Eyes Off You). Shame on me! :P The other songs didn't really stick, except for one called My Eyes Adored You. This musical is about the formative years of the group up until when they found fame and their subsequent unraveling. That bit was sad. I always have a soft spot for friendship-themed productions, so yeah, this left me a little bummed out especially knowing that it was based on real life events. Hmm life's sometimes like that.. you win some, you lose a lot. I saw on FB that there would be a new JB movie directed by Clint Eastwood coming out soon -- would love to catch it in the cinema!

Speaking of JB (are you still reading? lol), one of the most unlikeliest things happened yesterday morning. I listened to a sermon (which I rarely if ever do because I don't like listening to audio of people talking)(that's the main reason why I don't like radio, except for BFM89.9 on my morning drive to work, which is about the only time I catch up on business news lol)(ok, I wasn't really listening to the sermon, just whichever bit I managed to catch while doing other things, like actual work heh).. ANYWAY my point is that this sermon was linked from Twitter.. and the strange bit was that of all the 174 accounts I am currently following, it came from one Justin Bieber. Yes, good ol Biebs. Bizzle. (If you wonder what business have I got following him when his music is nowhere in the same universe as what I like, and his propensity for grating public antics and embarrassing gaffes is ridiculous.. I'm not excusing him in anyway, it's just that hmm, I think on some level I am a tiny bit concerned about him, it's not easy being a kid growing up in such spotlight. So this is like err, I don't know.)

Anyway, the sermon I Was Born For This (linked here) was by Ps Carl Lentz, a very hip looking Hillsong NYC pastor and father of three, I could totally see him chilling out with his kids in his V-neck tee lol. It was not a mind-blowing sermon, if anything I'm sure I've heard a few of its other incarnations, but he sounded like he has his heart in the right place, and I think for some people, especially the kids who were listening to this for the first time, it would definitely give them something to think about, and who knows what could happen from there.. so yeah, JB the social media evangelist, who would have thought right. Given that he's the most followers on Twitter for anyone ever, that's really something that he did. :)

We were born for this http://t.co/LSPWjPD8rb
— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) April 28, 2014

oh happy day!

I don't usually go around looking for miracles so when it happened right before my very eyes, I can only praise God for his grace and faithfulness. This past Easter weekend was the most special one in my entire Christian life of... 19 years (!).

So....... my sister was baptized. Like, wow.

It happened on a perfect day. The skies was amazingly blue, the sun was beaming proudly, the ocean breeze... hmm, I don't remember it but I'm sure there was some.

We got to the beach at East Coast Park by 9:45am to join 40 other excited and smiling baptism candidates who were already there with family, friends, cell members, everyone who's come to celebrate this momentous occasion. My sister's bff Jane and her sister Glory and mom were also there, together with their cell leader (I can't rber his name) and a few other cell members. I'm so happy they all came to lend support and cheer her on.

Service started with a brief recitation of their commitment to the faith, and then we broke into songs of praise. After that, the candidates were divided into five groups (Sis was in Group 2) to go into the water. Five pairs of youth prayed over each candidate in every group right before their turn to go in to two church leaders who were ready and waiting to baptize each candidate in the of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

So I witness as the waves gently crashed onto her feet as she tread surefootedly into the sea, and affirmed her decision and committed her life unto God, and as she went under and emerged a new creation. It is always an amazing ceremony to witness, but it's all the more spectacular to see my own sister going through with it. :)



Dearest sis, your life in Christ has begun. It's the most wonderful journey you'll ever traverse, but it will be so tough you'll constantly wonder if it's worth it. You will see things in new light for God has set eternity in your heart. You will experience heartbreaks and desolation. You will enjoy abundance of blessings in His presence, you will cry bitter tears in the same court. You will find your identity and worth and confidence in Christ, and others will besmirch the very same treasure you've found. You will experience high highs and you crawl in low lows. You will have words of praise flowing from your mouth and you'll ask unending questions in sheer frustration and you will curse in despair. You'll taste sweet victory and you will fail time and again. But just remember that through it ALL, Jesus is with with you, his spirit will not depart from you, you will never be alone. You will have Him in the best moments of your life, and You will have him to cling on to in your worst. I'm beyond happy that we are in this race together, and I pray that it's one where you'll finish in victory and we'll be joined by our loved ones. Xoxo - big sis. 

You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery, in oceans deep, my faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name and keep my eyes above the waves when oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace, for I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters, Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You've never failed and You won't start now
And I will call upon Your name and keep my eyes above the waves when oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace, for I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior

Hillsong United :: Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)

Derek Webb and his wife Sandra have just announced over FB and Tumblr that they are ending their marriage of 13 years.

Sigh~

I am usually minorly affected by celebrities throwing in the towel in this arena, but this one... Maybe the facts that they are Christians, and how I hold Derek in high regard when it comes to his work, and how they have lovingly collaborated in the past, these add up. Derek's songs have touched me on personal level, so this feels personal.

I'm not saying Christians don't make mistakes what more in marriage, I'm not saying anything. I'm just sad, really sad :'(

I'm sure they had taken a lot of time to work this through, but would they just give it one more try? Why did you give up? At what point do you decide that it's not worth it anymore? I can't imagine having to share and deal with such private matter with the public, but that's the price one pays for being well known figures. 

I wish them the best, and I pray for reconciliation in the future, no matter how improbable it seems now. Why? Hmm, I suppose some wars need to be fought. But what do I know.

:(

Today's Good Friday. It doesn't feel good now but I know without a shadow of a doubt that it is. I'm on my way down to Singapore for a special Easter miracle. I'll write about it soon.

The Tiger of Jelutong, the venerable Karpal Singh, died from a car accident this morning. He was 74. His death is a great loss for the nation.

It seems like he's been around since forever, since I was a little girl. He was always in the news, lambasted by the ruling coalition and the mainstream media for everything he did, but he remained steadfast in his fight for justice. Truly an admirable and respectable man.

RIP, Mr Karpal. You've fought a good fight. Thank you for all you've done for the country, for us.

of thoughts and things.

I'll admit it, it still smarts thinking of this, that it did not happen, or rather, did not last. One of the hardest emotions to process is that of being betrayed, even knowing that it was fake and scripted all along. Go figure.

I learned the term OTP (or One True Pairing) in the past few days of Tumbling. And Swarkles (a portmanteau of their nicknames in the show - Barney's Swarley (I kinda forget how he got it but everyone called him that and he hated it) and Robin's alter ego, the Canadian teenage idol Robin Sparkles) are my OTP. Just look at how good they look together! *drools* 

Also the reason I keep talking about it is because it's the easiest thing to write about. No need to think, just feel. And there is so much feels. Heh. I just wonder if my obsession with some things (TV series) and people (JF, LH, Em etc) even food (potatoes?) is symptomatic of something else in my life. Hmm.

Anyway, I was in the forest earlier this week. Zero internet connectivity but I wanted to write, and I did, so err, am just gonna dump the whole load here.

Tuesday 8-Apr-2014
I am in the forest, five hours’ drive into its heart, far far away from the city. I just finished watching one of the most hedonistic and depraved movies of recent times, Martin Scorsese’s The Wolf of Wall Street, and I’m feeling a little sick from all the debauchery -- Leonardo DiCaprio however, was awesome and believable in his role as usual. I decided to turn in, and read to sleep.

That I should be holding a book in my hand, snug in a double bed, with the wilderness that stretches for hours at all directions around me outside... I suddenly feel a wave of gratitude is washing over me. I remember the sunset from this evening, and I remembered the sunrise from months ago during my previous time here. They were precious moments to be savoured, and I look forward to tomorrow’s… although I am doubting that I would see it, knowing my sleeping and waking pattern. Still, being here, miles away from almost everyone I know, is amazing, unglamorous as it is.

A quick conversation with my colleagues just now that touched on career ambitions came to mind, and once again, I ponder at my lack of one. I don’t foresee myself much further from where I am today on the day I retire. Of course I would love to be earning a higher steady income, but I am not very driven to pursue that. I should live with that right, but it doesn’t help that once in a while I feel so envious of my friends making it in Singapore, Australia, the US, Norway, even in Malaysia, and here I am, wearing my deer-in-headlights look, asking all the wrong questions.

Back in the civilised society I left just 12 hours ago, I’ve been watching tonnes of Jimmy Fallon these days. I usually only watch snippets on talk shows on Youtube when something interesting links me from, say Facebook, but I find myself subscribing to his Tonight Show’s videos and just drawn in to clicking one after another of his older clips from his Late Night stint. I love Fallon’s stuff, especially the musical things he does with his bff Justin Timberlake, and his house band, The Roots, and all the silly games he plays with his guests, he’s very talented and relatable, and I especially love him fanboying over people and music – his giggles and suppressed excitement are infectious!

Fallon-ing aside, I’ve also been Neil Patrick Harris-ing and Benedict Cumberbatch-ing and Dan Harmon-ing (and of course HIMYM-ing!), and ok, my point is, I’m thinking, all these people I’ve named in this post, they are not very much older (or younger) than me, and look at where they are! Standing on the world’s stage basking in its limelight, glowing flawlessly and grappling with pressures I am unfamiliar with. And again, here I am, feeling guilty wanting to be contented with a very ordinary and unremarkable life.

Today, I visited one of my company’s veneer mills, and like my trip to our flooring factory in China, I saw all these workers in their bright uniforms going about their assigned tasks working 12 hours a day and six days a week, doing the same thing over and over and over again, and it makes me feel weird. I kept thinking, I was probably just one birth away from being in their shoes, born to an impoverished family struggling to survive and having to leave everything and everyone I know for a place so foreign and scary for a job that pays me minimum wages and that’s nothing but repetitive day in and day out, year in and year out, remaining nameless and faceless for most part…

Honestly, I feel guilty thinking that I’ve escaped that fate. What reason is there that I have a better life, especially when I don't do anything with it? I struggle to understand how each of us has a purpose for living, and while I believe that I have one, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what’s mine, and it bugs me greatly. I know that I’m trying with my extremely human understanding doing something very futile. And this futility, it’s demotivating me.

Over and over again, I ask what is the meaning of anything. Is anything worth it? Is everything in vain? With the years flying by, why bother with anything? It will be over soon, wouldn’t it? I don’t expect God to answer these questions I’ve been asking forever, and his silence is discouraging and disheartening. Suddenly I feel as if I know nothing and understand nothing and see nothing and hear nothing and feel… nothing. I am scared.

This isn’t how I envisioned being lost in God mean when I sing that line. I’m moved by testimonies of God’s greatness, but I am well aware for every victory, there are ten stories of pains and brokenness that never get shared. I don’t know what I’m asking for but I want to be found in that.

Wednesday 9-Apr-2014
I miss the city a little, and dream of getting lost in one. New York, New York. Tokyo, London, Hong Kong and Paris. Moscow, Melbourne, Milan, Madrid… and Miri.

Everyone’s somewhere, and I’m here. The sky is clear tonight, and the stars scatter across the black canvas. It’s a beautiful sight on a quiet night; not total silence as in the background is myriad of unfamiliar sounds made by the crickets and creatures of the forest. I held my phone up and clicked on the Google SkyMap app and checked out the stars and constellations, most of which hold little meaning to me. And I imagine myself lying on the grounds at Joshua Tree with my best friends on such a night, and smiled knowing how glorious that would be.

Anyway, I finally finished watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Emma Watson is so beautiful, and I love every scene of her. I liked this movie. Looks like I’m in a rare mood for watching drama, this being the third in a row in as many days; the first being The Book Thief which I caught on the flight to Miri.

Speaking of dramatic movies, on my way in, a song played on the radio (Any Empty Wine Bottles For Sale 酒矸倘賣無) from the 1983 movie Papa, Can You Hear Me Sing 搭錯車 (wow, the full movie's here on Youtube! I wuv how the interwebz always amazes me =). I haven't heard the song in a while, and I haven't seen the movie since I last watched in back in the mid-80s. All I remember was that it was a pretty depressing movie about a man and his daughter. Reading the wiki page failed to jolt any further memory but the sentiment remains.

Did you know that I've lived through five decades - born in the 70s, lived through my childhood in the 80s and teenage years in the 90s, then early adulthood in the naughties, and now reaching my midlife point in the 2010's. I feel like these five decades was like the HIMYM finale, everything in the past billion years was trudging along and then bam!, everything just accelerated. I suppose the finale would be Jesus coming back again :)

This just came up on my phone's Bible app. Food for thought.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 (NIV)

sad cat is sad.

goodbye, HIMYM. you were and will always be legend-waitforit-dary.

Ah nine years. So much has happened IRL and in TV Land. But these were mostly good times, and we've been through a lot. We knew an end was inevitable as fans' patience is running its course.. and because nothing lasts forever, the ironical title of the 2-episode finale notwithstanding.

Warning: Everything ahead is a spoiler. Do not proceed below these images. You have been warned. :)




This is a truly bittersweet farewell because.. brace yourself, I'm gonna to rant for the rest of this write-up.