somewhat sille, that's me!

i have to confess (for i have heard that doing so does one good) if i have not already done so:

i don't know if i have really forgiven miss nomer (yes, the former boss from hell) for the torture chamber experience. what she has done to me, and what i have allowed to fester in my heart, these are still bugging me more often that i would like.

i can't say that i hate her per se, nor do i find myself wishing terrible things on her, and even in imagining a confrontation with her should i be so unfortunate, i am civil and mostly speechless.

but i can't pretend that i am not bitter. i might have forgotten many things and even to come accepting that it was something i needed to experience for myself, i can't help the occasional wave of anger remembering. the helplessness i felt of being a victim of a pint-sized bully.

but it's been so long. surely there are more pressing matters at hand. even if i was angry at myself for not speaking up when i had the opportunity to, haven't i put that behind me? why do the memories still bother me so.

maybe, just maybe, she is the embodiment of every other pain that i have written off, regrets i've never found closure for, the enemy that i could openly talk about. maybe that's why i kept her around.

[run along now, it's getting late. soon!]

again, i surrender this to You and ask that you search my heart and deal with it accordingly.