the awesome wholesome threesome

So we have officially kicked off, with rapper names to boot -- name check: J Swagg, Chongy and Queen E in da houz yo! (Yeah, I was in my hip-hop fan wannabe phase when we formed, could you tell? :D) Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that the three of us came together some time the end of last year, where we have committed to meet up regularly to delve deeper into our Christian faith. It's a no-judgment zone for us to bare it all, no holds bar, to be at our most vulnerable (sounds scary right? :), to hold each other accountable, and to support and spur each other on as fellow pilgrims on a journey of the narrow road.

Can I just say that I love my hair here? Lol! Ooh I think everyone's looking good here. Ah, love.

What can I say but this is one of the best things to have ever happened to me, more so given my lack of a Christian community at this point in my life. These girls are my lifeline. I don't know what is it with me, but as I grow older, I am retreating further into my shell. I'm really glad that they were willing to do this (thanks to Chongy for suggesting it).

We call ourselves Wholesome Threesome, cause it kinda rolled of my tongue (I sometimes catch myself in my Adam mode, tasked to naming nameless entities..) Although it's a tad mouthful, we've kinda gotten used to it. I like how the words rhyme, their individual and collective meanings. *pleased*

What we basically do is to read a chapter of a book, do the study questions, practice what's practicable, and the come together and discuss about what we have read and done. We try to meet every two weeks to establish a steady routine (knowing what procrastinators we are hehe).

The first book we have chosen is Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline. We would each take turn to facilitate the discussions although we rarely needed to be prompted to answer. There is always coffee (we have been going to different cafes each time, and boy, KL's coffee culture is alive and kicking - these places are packed each weekend, no matter how obscure its location. A running joke among us is that we should all quit our jobs, sign up for barista classes and start a cafe of our own)(that said, I seldom take coffee though because it keeps me wide awake at night, but sometimes I just throw caution into the wind and indulge) and discussions take forever because we are always (like ALL THE TIME) veering off topics -- each meeting lasts about 4 to 5 hours (I'm sure we could have finished in half the time if we needed to haha)!

These meet-ups are nourishment to my soul and spirit. My stomach gets a lot of exercise from laughing too. We speak the same language, laugh at the same things, fail in the same areas, it's really all good. It reminds me of what I had with Carol and Suet last time, and we had each other's back through some tough times. I'm just glad that in this part of my journey, I am blessed with these girls. What more could I ask for? :)

“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

World Vision (a charity I happen to support) recently amended their hiring policy to allow for people in same sex marriage to be employed, and the Internet blew up. In America that is. People were pulling out their sponsorship left and right because they were so disgusted how a Christian organisation could so cavalier with their hiring practice. I must be so naive a donor, because I never bothered with a background check on the sexual tendency of whoever that manages the money I send to WV every month. I just trust that it would reach the child's community and that it would benefit them. Did you mean, doing this is about ME and my infallible principles, and not the kids? Aw.

Actually I don't understand some Christians' preoccupation with homosexuality. The way it's painted in the media is as if it's the ONLY sin ever spoken of in the Bible. Forget about love and grace and all that jazz! Evangelists with overblown ego and private jets? Wow, so charisma, much impressed. Mean spirited, slandering neighbors? Come, come, share thy juicy goss. Proud of your grotesquely shapeless shape because eating in moderation is for the poor? Double portions of blessing for you. Loud mouth gay basher with a sweet lying tongue? Here's a special seat for you. You're love some one of your own gender?! Here's your ticket, enjoy your journey to hell. Before that let me give you a taste of what that's like here on earth because like, that's my life's calling.

I mean, these people have no problem handing over their money to retailers who are in cahoots with sweatshops in third world country just so they could wear the latest designer dresses, and they don't check the credentials of the restaurant owners before making a food order. Because as long as I get my cronut wearing that trendy color-blocked top, who cares? But an illiterate child who's future is uncertain, you can't have my money cos there's a possibility that whoever I'm handling my hard-earned salary to isn't halal. So shut up cos I don't care what happens to you, can't you see I'm trying to make a point? And who you calling a hypocrite, punk!

Well done, guys. Your wallets have spoken. Call it principle and faith or what not, you know it's your money that talked and everyone heard you lour and clear. God is well pleased, as you are.

Clap.

Clap.

NB.

I don't know why I picked to write about this, I rarely ever speak on current issues pertaining to Christianity that don't affect me directly, but since I've been pretty annoyed the whole week about everything, I might as rant about this too. Because I'm unhelpful like that. Btw, World Vision reverted its policy a few days later, having succumbed to the pressure. Sigh~

cranky.

I've been especially cranky this week. Work, news, people, I was a walking time bomb. It's all the little things, they add up.

And the thing about getting worked up about every other thing that's in your face is that you get tired really fast, and more irritable of course. Vicious cycle.

Maybe it's that time of the month heh.

However, it's not all bleak. There were nice things that brought a huge smile to my face too, notably the Wang Family Barbershop Quartet (basically Leehom and his dad and bros singing an acapella version of Sweet and Lovely) and an awesome dinner at Adrian's with some of my most favorite people in the world.

gone.

like, my parents' hard-earned money as their house got broken into.
like, the passengers on the fateful flight.

rhymes with broccoli.

You know one of those one-thing-leads-to-another events? So something like that happened and I ended up at my ex-colleagues long-defunct blog and randomly clicked on one of the posts and came upon this. And this is one of 'em things that articulate how you feel about something but you never thought to put it in words.

ON MELANCHOLY

the collins dictionary let me down today. i don't like it's definition of melancholy. the collins advanced learner's defines melancholy as "an intense sadness". i disagree.

the relationship between melancholy and sadness cannot be one of degrees. if anything, a very intense sadness could possibly be mistaken for depression, but certainly not melancholy.

melancholy, as i've always known it, is a detached variety of sadness. it is a sadness that, when choosing between crying and sighing, will choose sighing. it's a sadness that stands outside of itself and feels the quiet pang of loss rather than the raw pain of it.

i'd almost go as far as to say that melancholy is being sad about sadness itself. it's like looking back on an unfortunate event from a place that doesn't feel the firsthand sadness - the sadness is now secondhand, no longer played out on ground zero but watched from the rooftop, looking down. it moves from being a sadness for to being a sadness about. yes, i think this is melancholy. collins = fallible.

i've been feeling a bit melancholy lately. i don't mind it. it's actually quite nice.

~

In keeping with the somber tone of the post (yay, Friday!)... I was recently thinking about something Jon Foreman said, when I remembered he briefly wrote about singer-songwriter the late Elliot Smith. I'm not familiar with his work and I don't know much about Elliot other than what I read on wiki. One thing of note, I've outlived him. It's a weird feeling. I sometimes think about what if any given day was my last on earth. Would I be sad to leave? Yes. Would I be happy to leave? Yes.




Elliot Smith :: Between The Bars

Drink up baby, stay up all night, with the things you could do
You won't but you might, the potential you'll be
That you'll never see the promises you'll only make
Drink up with me now and forget all about the pressure of days
Do what I say and I'll make you okay and drive them away, the images stuck in your head

People you've been before that you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will, I'll keep them still
Drink up baby, look at the stars, I'll kiss you again between the bars
Where I'm seeing you there with your hands in the air, waiting to finally be caught

Drink up one more time and I'll make you mine
Keep you apart, deep in my heart, separate from the rest
Where I like you the best and keep the things you forgot
The people you've been before that you don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will, I'll keep them still

Lenten resolve

D asked me if I was giving up Eminem for Lent this year like what I did with Leehom last year, and I said no. I am not as obsessed with Em at this point as much as I did with LH back then. Mostly because there isn't much left for me to get my claws on - I was done devouring everything he has to give months ago. Gosh, I speak like a scavenger : | Still, when it comes to him, no news is good news. He's still in the radar nevertheless, like the rest.. Ah, this phase will always be an enigma to me :)

Anyway it's 2 weeks into Lent now. My thing this year is to give up social media in the evening and focus on reading. It's next to impossible not to be on them at work, and what I really want out of this is to get my reading going. So, there haven't been Quora, 9gag, Facebook, Instagram, Blogger (hence my absence =), Wikipedia, IMDB, etc for me from 9pm onwards the past 14 days and shouldn't be any three weeks to come. I'll have to admit that it's liberating so not have my face being tanned nightly by the glow of my phone.

I've selected four books to complete during this time. I've started on three of them, which I shouldn't have done, but... :P They are Philip Yancey's Rumours of Another World, Edmund Chan's Growing Deep in God, Gene Edward Veith Jr.'s Postmodern Times and Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Ethics. It has't been easy for me to read because my brain's kinda all mush these days so I actually have to read the words out loud which means I'm reading oh so slowly which means that I'm behind schedule to finish them by Good Friday but I'm not fretting, I'll finish them.

Btw I had wanted to trying going meat-less by my resolve has been weak. :( What I've been doing though was to bring my own lunch to work consisting of one vegetable and one egg dish. I won't count this as a Lent effort, just something I'm doing.

You are the Lord’s! O joy beyond expression!

O me of little faith, while I had prayed for it, I hadn't expected this to happen so soon. It was the greatest thing ever though. Me, praying with my sister! Sharing the same faith! Welcome onboard the ride of your life, dearest sis. Now this is what I call a miracle.. thank you God! :)

So it happened in that darkened room in the middle of the night, we covered the family with words of love and blessings and asked God for protection and open hearts.

And it was awesome. O joy! ^_^

I am the Lord’s! O joy beyond expression
Lyrics: Lucy Ann Bennett (1850-1927) | Music: Joseph Barnby (1838-1896)

I am the Lord’s! O joy beyond expression, O sweet response to voice of love Divine;
Faith’s joyous “Yes” to the assuring whisper, “Fear not! I have redeemed thee; thou art Mine.”
I am the Lord’s! It is the glad confession, wherewith the Bride recalls the happy day,
When love’s “I will” accepted Him forever, “The Lord’s,” to love, to honor and obey.

I am the Lord’s! Yet teach me all it meaneth, all it involves of love and loyalty,
Of holy service, absolute surrender, and unreserved obedience unto Thee.
I am the Lord’s! Yes; body, soul, and spirit, O seal them irrecoverably Thine;
As Thou, Beloved, in Thy grace and fullness forever and forevermore art mine.

#prayforMH370

It's a sad weekend for the nation, as we keep our ears and eyes peeled for news on the missing Beijing-bound MAS flight, MH370, which vanished over waters somewhere between Malaysia and Vietnam early Saturday about an hour after taking off past midnight.

It's Monday, and we're none the wiser about what really happened than two days ago. Many speculations and rumours are flying around, but...

I'm praying for a miracle, that the crew and passengers will return home safely, and for comfort and good news in this distressing time for their families. :(

P just called to tell me that her assistant passed away from dengue this morning. Last week I sent out a company-wide memo to inform the Group that the CEOs of one of the company's subsidiaries had passed away. And in early January, we posted a condolence ad in the papers for our director's passing. All three departures were unexpected and sudden (for most of us). And while I've only met and chatted with them over work matters, it still feels weird and sad to know that I would never see them again, never work with them again, never share a cordial laugh again. RIP, gentlemen.

那些年

[via]

It was blackish all around; the moon, pale and distant, and the night, balmy. The waves lazily washed the shore and our bare feet as we stood at the edge. But I was afraid of the sea at night, of strange monsters that would suddenly emerge and with one gulp swallow me whole, and I told you so. We giggled at how stupid that sounded. Still, my heart beat steadily grew rapid as my watchful eyes scanned the surface of hypnotizing waves for any suspicious movement. I made sure I was in the middle of the chain as we joined hands and took gingerly steps into the water. It was cold; I tightened my grip. Before long however, we were breaking into the chorus of every song we knew. How our laughter scared the monsters away.

那一年我們望著星空 有那麼多的燦爛的夢

以為快樂會永久 像不變星空陪著我

//五月天//星空//

//

[via]

In jest, you promised her a star. That night as we descended from the hilltop, you stopped the car near a streetlight, got out, walked over, stood where it was the brightest, stretched up your right arm, made some weak effort to jump, pretended to grab the bulb, held it out to us and said, here's your star. That didn't make sense but we thought it was the funniest gesture ever. We were easily amused.

那一年我們望著星空 未來的未來 從沒想過

當故事失去美夢 美夢失去線索 而我們失去聯絡
//五月天//星空//

//

[via]

至少回憶會永久 像不變星空 陪著我

最後只剩下星空 像不變回憶 陪著我
//五月天//星空//

Oh to be 18 again. If ever I was innocent and carefree, that was the last I knew what that was like, for the years since were anything but. Growing up was such a pain, but it was necessary. For a long time in my adult life, I didn't want to be one. Maybe I had held adulthood in such high esteem that when one grown-up after another kept distorting my ideals by being childish and irresponsible and selfish, so I told myself that I wasn't signing up for this. I thought one should only deserve to be called one if they've got their lives together, spoke only words of wisdom, and always making the right choices. So news flash: nobody is perfect. I was a foolish idealist.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a (wo)man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 1 Cor 13:11-12 NIV

Growing up is pretty fascinating. I was and still am a reluctant participant, but I got the full package nevertheless. And although I feel like I am the same person as I was 18 years ago, I know that I am a very different person. It would be pretty sad if I remained as I was back then. My encounter with God and with people have shaped me into the person I am today: a little less ignorant, a little more confident, a little less conceited, a little more perceptive, a little less selfish, a little more gracious.. and a long way to go till He's done with me. My flaws are glaring but God's power is made perfect in my weakness. And that's the kinda perfection I want.