Sunday, March 2, 2014

那些年

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It was blackish all around; the moon, pale and distant, and the night, balmy. The waves lazily washed the shore and our bare feet as we stood at the edge. But I was afraid of the sea at night, of strange monsters that would suddenly emerge and with one gulp swallow me whole, and I told you so. We giggled at how stupid that sounded. Still, my heart beat steadily grew rapid as my watchful eyes scanned the surface of hypnotizing waves for any suspicious movement. I made sure I was in the middle of the chain as we joined hands and took gingerly steps into the water. It was cold; I tightened my grip. Before long however, we were breaking into the chorus of every song we knew. How our laughter scared the monsters away.

那一年我們望著星空 有那麼多的燦爛的夢
以為快樂會永久 像不變星空陪著我

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In jest, you promised her a star. That night as we descended from the hilltop, you stopped the car near a streetlight, got out, walked over, stood where it was the brightest, stretched up your right arm, made some weak effort to jump, pretended to grab the bulb, held it out to us and said, here's your star. That didn't make sense but we thought it was the funniest gesture ever. We were easily amused.

那一年我們望著星空 未來的未來 從沒想過
當故事失去美夢 美夢失去線索 而我們失去聯絡
//五月天//星空//

//

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至少回憶會永久 像不變星空 陪著我
最後只剩下星空 像不變回憶 陪著我
//五月天//星空//

Oh to be 18 again. If ever I was innocent and carefree, that was the last I knew what that was like, for the years since were anything but. Growing up was such a pain, but it was necessary. For a long time in my adult life, I didn't want to be one. Maybe I had held adulthood in such high esteem that when one grown-up after another kept distorting my ideals by being childish and irresponsible and selfish, so I told myself that I wasn't signing up for this. I thought one should only deserve to be called one if they've got their lives together, spoke only words of wisdom, and always making the right choices. So news flash: nobody is perfect. I was a foolish idealist.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a (wo)man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 1 Cor 13:11-12 NIV

Growing up is pretty fascinating. I was and still am a reluctant participant, but I got the full package nevertheless. And although I feel like I am the same person as I was 18 years ago, I know that I am a very different person. It would be pretty sad if I remained as I was back then. My encounter with God and with people have shaped me into the person I am today: a little less ignorant, a little more confident, a little less conceited, a little more perceptive, a little less selfish, a little more gracious.. and a long way to go till He's done with me. My flaws are glaring but God's power is made perfect in my weakness. And that's the kinda perfection I want.

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