Resolution 4Q2011: There is but ONE

LOSE WEIGHT.

Need to start shedding some kilos for my bro's big day come Dec. I wanna look nice, or at least decent! This gives me about 3 months plus to get into shape.

I'm a hefty 60+++ kg right now, and the target is minimum 5kg.. Losing 2kg per month would be just about nice.

I'm not sure if I'm all-talk only but I sure do hope that I'm more than that. Wish me the best! :)

I love you

Those three words doesn't roll off my tongue easily, especially if I have never say it to the person in particular. They do escape my lips sometimes, when I muster enough guts to utter it, but more often than not, I prefer to keep mum. Alas, there are a handful of people that I really want to tell how I have made for them some very cozy room in my heart.. and that I care.. and that I'm there :) But I guess some fears are more paralyzing than I could handle. I hope my actions would then speak for me (then again, I'm not a very action oriented person :P so I guess some people will never know)

That said, I would lose all inhibitions when it comes to cats. Erm yeah, I can go all gushy and would start professing sweet nothings and everlasting love to a random cute cat that I come across. Am I a cat slut?? Hahaha.. There is just something about how graceful the way they move, the I-couldn't-care-less attitude, how soft they feel in your arms, and the fear that they might just swing that paw and leave you with an unsightly scratch mark, all these that just melt my heart like chocs under intense spotlight. It's either you get what I'm saying or you don't. For those who do, check this out and smile/nod along with me! :)

The colourful shopfronts in Kch I was talking about. There's a whole stretch of 'em. Nice right!

Can't decide on a date to go for Wicked. I wanna do it in Dec, while the holiday mood is still in high swing.. But the only window is the week after Christmas.. But it's kinda tight, and I think there will be a lot of ppl. Don't wanna endure both traffic and human jams if I could help it. Maybe the first week of Jan (when everyone's still shaking off the holiday mood) but I don't know if the rest wanna, if they could settle on a date in the first place. Might be going on different dates :( It's def way more fun if everyone could make it on the same day but see how lah.

I was thinking democracy doesn't work all the time -- Obama should just call the shots and do what he thinks is best (in another word, totalitarianism ftw!)

It's almost strange...

... now that I lie on my bed, to think that just 30 hours ago I was few hundred kilometres away, walking down a river bank, snapping away with my phone intricate leaf patterns and paved sidewalks and colourful presumably antebellum shopfronts and a lazy cat rolling near my feet, and 24 hours before that we were cooking away in my kitchen with fiery red kimchi and egg coated rice and fistful of garlic and onion, and 30 hours before I was tucking into a plate of Penang nasi lemak at a celebratory lunch because she is staying, a decision made not more than 16 hours before that. Well, I'd use surreal and not strange if not because I think I've overused it in this blog. Oyasumi nasai, minasan..

Welcome to another edition of my nightly rambling, just because I can't sleep and I've made it a habit of sorts to send one entry off before I hit the sack since my somewhat ironic announcement about me not writing.

I've had some pretty disturbing dreams lately, very intense, almost logical. Of course I forget about them the moment I got up, but when a screenshot of what I dreamt off the night before comes to me during the course of the day, especially when I think about a person who happened to bd in the dream, I need a good few seconds to sort out what's real and what's somnial.

I'm going away tmr for a super short trip to a CATpital city eastward of KL. I like it that I'm clocking so many travelling days this year, whether for work and especially for leisure. Enjoy the different view and possibly the distraction. If only I could go away further and longer. Am thankful, nevertheless. :)

Today I met a mother of a twenty year old son with Asperger. And I fell head over heel in admiration of her  patience as she told of her story and and of her kindness as she filled our stomachs. Blessed are her kids (and all) who are on the receiving end of her love.

Today I yet again vowed to lose weight after seeing that surreal figure on the weighing scale.

dreams do come true :)

I've heard it said
that people come into our lives for a reason
bringing something we must learn
and we are led to those who help us most to grow
if we let them and we help them in return
well, I don't know if I believe that's true
but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you

like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun
like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood
who can say if I've been changed for the better?
but because I knew you, I have been changed for good

wicked the musical :: for good



Details here. And if Les Mis ever made it here, I'm ready to go home Lord! :D

So yeah.

One goodbye is averted, and yeah, separation anxiety is cured. Heh. It's been a torturous week with all the uncertainties and going back and forth. She is staying for another good few years or so. I guess I'm good for another one or two.

He whatsapped me outta the blue and with a sad, tearing emoticon told me that his mom is diagnosed with the dreaded big C. What? No! Sigh.. Why? Why? Why? Why indeed. The big bowl of chickpea steaming in my pressure cooker right now reminds me of the container full she gave us. Just keep them in the freezer and heat up some whenever you feel like snacking, she said. One of our favorite snacks ever! Get well, Mrs F.

speaking of..

how my temper is a thorn in my flesh, there are other things about me that I wish I don't have to deal with. Like my strong sense of self-righteousness (which makes me highly intolerant of what I perceive as nonsense), how absorbed and lost in my own world I can be (which makes me oblivious to or uninterested about what goes on around me), also how I justify the hypocrite in me (which makes me the very person I scorn). Yeah stuff like those that are so inward looking (selfish in another word), I wish they aren't my problems. Grow up, will ya?!

A long apology for something I didn't do..

or haven't been doing to be more precise: Writing.

The juice hasn't been flowing, and I'm not forcing it. It's just another writing dry spell I guess. There are a lot of ideas floating about, and I'm letting them be. If any should find roots and bear fruit, I'll immortalise it here. Things are a-changing in the real world, the same one where politicians are making themselves out to be monkeys and it's getting too painful to know. Everything's too fast too many too soon, and I have no concrete idea what's going on and what's gonna happen. I'm living life by the day, and I don't like it. Feels like the bigger picture is fading in and out of focus. I don't want to settle for routine yet I am too lazy too incompetent to figure out stuff. I want to be passionate about something someone somehow. I'm chasing that elusive high by lying down and not moving. I am irked often and I hate the person I am when I lose my temper, though it's funny that line about how temper is never lost, as it's always there to be unleashed. I also need a new hairdryer in the real world as mine just almost blew up in my face. Almost. And I had the most wonderful time with the family in Port Dickson so thank you God.