anyways, i'm sure you're pleased that i am, because then you get to read this. haha!
okay, today's inspiration comes from this post: http://www.calebwilde.com/2013/01/five-most-common-deathbed-regrets-2/ (i'm not linking it, due to irrational fear, but don't mind me, just copy and paste that into your browser's URL window, and away you go!) this article talks about death-bed regrets, based on Bronnie Ware’s book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. it names the five most common ones, here they are with my comments in orange:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”
At this point, I think that I'm for most part true to myself. There are times when I have high expectations of myself, and those were stressful period. And I know that I would go through those kinda times again. I just have to remind myself that sometimes it's all in my head. I don't care so much about what other people expect of me though, unless I care about the person. Life's too short to get upset over people who don't matter. Easier said than done sometimes.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”
Haha, I definitely would not have this regret. On the contrary, I actually wish I would work a little harder. Sometimes I dream of the person I could be if I had put in a bit more effort into my work. :\ But I can see how the previous generation would have more of this regret. The expectations (there's the word again!) and the responsibilities that they carried are very different from the ones that we have on our shoulders. A lot of things have changed in just the past 15 years that obliterate a lot of how everyone understands and perceives the world. But that's a topic for another day.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”
I don't think I have problem with this much. I mean, I still can be inexplicably timid and shy at times, but I have my outlets -- friends, blog, twitter, etc -- to vent, so I'm good. I don't carry bitterness and resentment for long, and that's one of my fav traits about myself. I feel sad for angry old people. I don't deny that life has been unfair, and in some cases, severely painful for a lot of them, but the longer one hangs on to bitterness, sweetness will eventually taste foul. Again, easier said than done. Oh btw it's too long to explain, but this was exactly what happened to one of the protagonists in Lisa See's Shanghai Girls.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”
Another non-issue for me. I kinda accept that I won't be able to keep allll my friends plus I'm not the best kinda friend, so I don't beat myself up about this, because I do stay in touch with those who wants to keep in touch and those I care about. For those who can't be bothered, I've learned not to be bothered by that too. :) I'm sure it's not that they are not bothered, it's just they have made their choices, and I wasn't it. ~boohoo :P
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
“This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”
Ah, I am guilty of this sometimes. And I have to remind myself that it's okay to be happy. Weird right? But I'm more comfortable with the idea these days. It helps that I'm always quite silly. :) Do I think that I deserve it? Not really, but if it's on your plate, I say just dig in! :)
sooo what about you? what are your thoughts? did you think i was in denial with some of what i was thinking? buzz me and let's chat! :)
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