I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. -Maya Angelou

I would like to think that I strive to do that... at least with the people I love and care about... sometimes. Argh, I started the day chirpy and high, but passing through a low phase now. Come and calm these raging seas.

Declined to explore a career opportunity today. Feels like it isn't time yet. Ranted about Miss Nomer (lol yes, still beating that dead horse, for fun) last night to a bunch of strangers. "One thing that got to me was I felt like she has derailed my career path". As soon as those words left my mouth, I realised that it was time to stop using that as an excuse. And one of them, a twice-failed start-up entrepreneur told me that I shouldn't let that past stop me from trying out. I already knew that but I really appreciated it. And to him I said, Third time will be a charm. Mark my words. *big smile* I truly believed that for him and hope that it'd encouraged him a little.



Medic - Come Close

Come close to me, let everything fall away
Take me now to secret places deep inside my heart
Come close to me, come and calm these raging seas
I'm feeling dry and weary but you said you're all i need

Love, do you believe in me?
I find it so hard to see you here, I find it so hard to see
You know, you know, you know
I've been circling round these creeping doubts
But i know that you can save me now
I know that you can save me

Time has got ahold of me, these bones are breaking but this heart will be
Hearing every promise made to me of what is yet to come
I'll break these ties belief is everything I recognize
To light the fire caught inside our eyes
We'll be the ones in time

Sunday evening ramblings

The Malaysia vs Japan Thomas Cup final is on right now, and I'm too kan cheong to watch. So I'm listening to the faint commentary from the TV in the living room from my bedroom, and maybe I'll go down every now and then to check the score. I don't deal with this kinda stress well haha, plus although I shouldn't think this, I feel my watching would jinx my favorite team.

***
I'm listening to cover versions of Japanese anime tunes by one particular YouTuber. For some reason, it feels appropriate haha! Am I subconsciously for the Japs? Not in the least. But the songs are calming, the dude's got a great voice.

Did you know that I have a Japanese name? It's 朝子 (Asako, lit. child of the morning, yes, a misnomer to the max haha but wait, I was born in the morning so it's kinda apt). My Jap teacher gave it to me back when I was 14 - everyone in class got one. I also remember there was this tall dude with the MOST PERFECT handwriting, be it his kanji, hiragana, katakana and even his roman alphabet. Don't remember his face or his name (mm Alex?) though.

But imagine that, once upon a time, I was able to string basic Japanese sentences. How about that! :)

***
I haven't read for months, and it sucks. I don't know where my reading mojo went, but I've hardly touched any books for so long I can't remember the last book I was reading. Sigh~ I'm so sorry booksies.

***
The score so far: Chong Wei bagged us the first point with a straight win over the Jap first single player. The doubles are playing, and they have won the first set, but trailing in the second. I can't take this!!

***
Oh let me story you about the ah long (illegal creditors) nuisance that has been plaguing my brothers since last week. My bro got a nasty welcome home gift when he got back to JB from our baby bro's KL wedding, in form of two cans of red and yellow paint splashed onto the porch area. There was a 2-piece note with the targeted victim's IC photo and another of the electricity bill bearing the previous owner's name to show us that he got the right house. So my bros made a police report and put up notices on the gate to tell the ah long that they got the wrong person. My sil even texted the fella to let him know, but whaddya you, he won't believe it. And let typed a long string of curses upon the family wtf. Nak kan aku fly down to JB, look the fella up and wring his puny neck. Grrrr.. Okay I can't do anything but get riled up, and that's so frustrating! The latest news is that their new neighbor is also "in the business", and my bros have spoken to him and he said that the amount (RM3k) is too little for regular ah long to be bothered with paint job so ergh I don't know if he's gonna help. Please stay tuned for updates.

***
So we lost the first doubles. The hubby thinks we're going to lose. NOOOOOO! I don't know what's going on at the match. I'll just wait for the final results to be out. *takes a deep breath*

***
My boss wants to see me tmrw for me to update him on the department's activities and progress. While he's a great guy, we don't interact often, and that makes me gelabah gila. I think I'm pretty sensitive to comments, and I'm sure whatever that's going to be said will be replayed in head for a while.

***
Annnd we lost the second single. But there's hope yet so don't give up, team!!

***
Woot, 2-2! OH MY HEART. Could this be? Or.... Argh. SO KAN CHEONG. I don't have a good feeling about this, BUT one should hope! Brr..

***
I brought myself to watch the final set. It was intense. It was nail biting. I thought my heart almost stopped. It was awesome. And it didn't hurt that Ueda is cute! :D

***
My FB status says it all: So close, yet so far. Good game, everyone! Congrats Japan woot! A well-deserved win. Thanks for trying your best, Team Malaysia!

Good night, folks!

a perfect weekend

I practically live for the weekend, but don't all of us corporate slaves do? I have a strict no-work weekend (with exceptions when urgent matters come about of course)(a bit guilty about this rule cos it's not like I pour everything into work during the week--Exhibit A: most Fridays). I used to be out and about on the weekends esp with church stuff for years but these days, a perfect weekend goes something like this:

Fri night - staying up til 3am catching up on my favorite TV shows
Sat morning/noon - brunch with hubby (if he's in) or sleeping in till noon (if he's out/traveling)
Sat afternoon/evening* - no tuition, pottering about the house, cleaning or meeting up with the girls
Sat night - church and/or dinner with hubby and/or best buds
Sun morning/noon - mamak breakfast before church, quick lunch and then coffee and desserts
Sun evening - quick nap on my cool living room floor and then dinner with parents
Sun night - lazing around at home, preferably not having to dread Mon morn

*bonus for Saturday if hubby's not around: not having to talk to anyone until evening (Whatsapp's okay) - I've had a few "silent Saturdays" and they were awesome!



Priscilla Ahn - A Good Day (Morning Song)

Morning, sunrise, open my eyes,
And I can tell it's gonna be a good day,
I can tell it's gonna be a good day

Did you sleep well? Did you dream at all?
Can you tell me the time on the the alarm clock?
I can tell it's gonna be a good day
I can tell it's gonna be a good day

But you can sleep in, you just keep dreamin' for us
I can tell it's gonna be a good day
I can tell it's gonna be a good day

A good day...

and the moment's magic swept us away.. and it’s so close, but we’re so far away.

I can't say how glad I am for online messaging systems. They allow socially inept folks like me to have decent conversations, sometimes even coming across as fascinating and funny and yay, intelligent! I'm the kind who would be googling for meaning of words and phrases as I chat, and I'm ashamed to admit that there were so many times that the words I'd wanted to use didn't mean what I thought they did, and when that happens, it all the more makes me not want to speak in real life, because what if I used all the wrong words and bring shame to my familyyy.

Drama aside, I had a good day today. It's quite something when introverts find each other. I played career counselor to some young cikus. I'm far from qualified of course. I only have my age going for me, and my jaded view of life, and my non-ambitiousness. I hope they didn't see through that. But chatting with them really made my day!

Side-tracking, Leehom is holding a concert here in September. And I realised that I wasn't sure if I want to go. On one hand, that would mean that I'd cross off my "Attend one concert" list for this year, but on the other hand... I'm afraid it'd just be Music Man 2 Part 2 again. I don't see the point of that. But anyway, the fan club is doing pre-order but there's no special discount which means that I could decide later. Plus I'm looking forward to Beijing in September too! One thing that would help make a decision is if he would release a new album before then.

It's hard for me to admit that my passion for LH is waning. It's just me returning to the kind of music lover that I was previously -- the lyrics kind. And his, sadly, didn't really stick. Maybe that's why I was so into Em in my withdrawal stage haha.. I also think what happened with Leehom was that I genuinely overdosed on him. I should have paced myself, but hello, tell a fangirl that and she'd stare right back at you blankly. So yeah, right now let's say I'm in between fangirling.

Change topic. I don't know how not to get riled up at every other thing. Especially those things happening locally that you read in the newspaper. I just can't fathom.. argh! I don't want to do this now. If I were an Avenger, I'd totally be the Hulk. Boo hoo.

Anyway, I was looking for my Friday anthem, and I settled on Mae. I wish they had made it big, they are so talented! But so was everyone else I guess. Sigh~ Listening to them always bring me so much feels. Xoxo.

Mae - We're So Far Away

Remembering, everything, about my world and when you came

Wondering, the change you’d bring, means nothing else would be the same

Did you know, what you were doing, did you know?

Did you know how you would move me? Well, I don’t really think so

But the night came down and swept us away, and the stars they seemed to paint the most elaborate scene today

How could we know? that song, this show, we'd learn so much about ourselves

From Toledo, to Tokyo, the words were scribbled on every page, and now there’s books up on our shelves

Did you know how you would move us, did you know?

When the lights first came upon us and we saw The Everglow

And the moment's magic swept us away and the young mans dream was almost seen so plain.

When was the night that showed us the sign?

Revealed in the sky, to leave all behind

But where to begin? throwing caution to the wind,

We reached for the stars, everything was now ours.

Did you know how you would move me, did you know?

Did you know how you would move me? well, I don’t even think so.

but the moment's magic swept us away and it’s so close, but we’re so far away

It’s so close, but we’re so far away

It's late afternoon on a Friday, and so far it's been a no-frills day of conversations that didn't really hold and a press release waiting to be written. Speaking of which, I should get to it. Here's my song for the day. Ah Jon, you could do no wrong in my eyes. *heart*




Been fighting things that I can't see, like voices coming from the inside of me and
Like doing things I find hard to believe in, am I myself or am I dreaming?
I've been awake for an hour or so, checking for a pulse but I just don't know
Am I a man when I feel like a ghost? The stranger in the mirror is wearing my clothes

No, I'm not alright, I know that I'm not right
A steering wheel don't mean you can drive, a warm body don't mean I'm alive
No, I'm not alright, I know that I'm not right
Feel like I travel but I never arrive, I wanna thrive not just survive

I come alive when I hear you singing, But lately I haven't been hearing a thing and
I get the feeling that I'm in between, a machine and a man who only looks like me
I try and hide it and not let it show, but deep down inside me I just don't know
Am I a man when I feel like a hoax? The stranger in the mirror is wearing my clothes

Switchfoot :: Thrive

#darkesttimeline
— Joel McHale (@joelmchale) May 9, 2014

About the only thing that could be worse in TVland than HIMYM's finale right about this time is the cancellation of Community. Which happened. I had feared it for years, and for the first time, I actually thought that this little show would finish the race, so I was practically stunned into silence when the news dropped on me. I went straight into denial and then onto Tumblr, where fangirls/boys be. There weren't that much noise generated. Made a feeble attempt on Twitter to get Netflix to pick the show up for a final season, as they had done for Arrested Development. Turned out that that wasn't going to happen. Hmm. I don't know how not to form emotional bonds with things like these. So yeah, I'll deal with this somehow. Should I hold my breath for a knight in shining armour? That kinda thing still happens, right?

Give me some rope, tie me to dream

Give me the hope to run out of steam

Somebody said, it can be here

We could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year

I can’t count the reasons I should stay

One by one they all just fade away

The 88 – At Least It Was Here

Eminem released the Spike Lee-directed music video for Headlights on Mother’s Day today. It's a heartfelt song in which he apologizes to his mom for all the hate he's spewed about her in his past music, and it's one of my most played songs off his MMLP2 album.

Honestly I thought the video was kinda underwhelming. Maybe my expectations were misplaced, but hmm. I also didn't like having the Debbie Mathers stand-in. It kinda reminded me of how fake it felt when "Elton John" and "Dr Dre" appeared on the MV for Monster. I would have loved if Nate Ruess had actually appeared in the video, and if not that, that they didn't cut off some of his solo, especially the ending. The missing sections of the song just didn't sit right with me.

That said, I could imagine how difficult this song would have been for him to write, so much so that he didn't want to discuss it in any interviews since its release. I was pleasantly surprised when he teased about doing an MV for the song. My favorite parts of the MV were when the photos of him as a kid were shown. He looked so happy and innocent in them, oblivious to the sheer madness his path would eventually be. Knowing what I do about his life, just seeing those photos with Debbie as she flipped through the photo album was really moving.

I hope the process of writing this song has been cathartic for him and that it brought him certain closure. I'm sure Debbie would come to know of this song - she's probably still keeping track of him. I actually hope he is supporting her financially somehow. He has gone through so much since his debut days, and I'm sure the years have mellowed him, or at least gave him a different perspective of life now he's reached where he is. I often wondered if he'd have another album, but that's musing for another post. It's easy to judge what's happened between the mother-son pair, so I won't. I just hope that one day that they'd be able to put the past behind them, forgive each other and then reconcile for good.

So yeah mm... Happy Mother's Day!




"Headlights" (feat. Nate Ruess)

[Verse 1: Nate Ruess]
Mom, I know I let you down
And though you say the days are happy
Why is the power off, and I'm f***ed up?
And, Mom, I know he's not around
But don't you place the blame on me
As you pour yourself another drink, yeah.

[Hook: Nate Ruess]
I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
Maybe we took this too far

[Verse 2: Eminem]
I went in headfirst
Never thinking about who what I said hurt, in what verse
My mom probably got it the worst
The brunt of it, but as stubborn as we are
Did I take it too far?
"Cleaning Out My Closet" and all them other songs
But regardless I don't hate you 'cause, Ma,
You're still beautiful to me, 'cause you're my mom
Though far be it from you to be calm, our house was Vietnam
Desert Storm and both of us put together can form an atomic bomb equivalent to chemical warfare
And forever we can drag this on and on but, agree to disagree
That gift from me up under the Christmas tree don't mean s*** to me
You're kicking me out? It's 15 degrees and it's Christmas Eve (little prick just leave)
Ma, let me grab my f***ing coat, anything to have each other's goats
Why we always at each other's throats?
Especially when dad, he f***ed us both
We're in the same f***ing boat, you'd think that it'd make us close (nope)
Further away it drove us, but together headlights shine, a car full of belongings
Still got a ways to go, back to grandma's house it's straight up the road
And I was the man of the house, the oldest, so my shoulders carried the weight of the load
Then Nate got taken away by the state at eight years old,
And that's when I realized you were sick and it wasn't fixable or changeable
And to this day we remained estranged and I hate it though, but

[Hook: Nate Ruess]
I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
Maybe we took this too far

[Verse 3: Eminem]
'Cause to this day we remain estranged and I hate it though
'Cause you ain't even get to witness your grand babies grow
But I'm sorry, Mama, for "Cleaning Out My Closet", at the time I was angry
Rightfully maybe so, never meant that far to take it though,
'cause now I know it's not your fault, and I'm not making jokes
That song I no longer play at shows and I cringe every time it's on the radio
And I think of Nathan being placed in a home
And all the medicine you fed us
And how I just wanted you to taste your own,
But now the medications taken over
And your mental state's deteriorating slow
And I'm way too old to cry, the shit is painful though
But, Ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan, yo
All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both
Foster care, that cross you bear, few may be as heavy as yours
But I love you, Debbie Mathers, oh, what a tangled web we have,
'cause one thing I never asked was where the f*** my deadbeat dad was
F**8 it, I guess he had trouble keeping up with every address
But I'd have flipped every mattress, every rock and desert cactus
Own a collection of maps and followed my kids to the edge of the atlas
Someone ever moved them from me? That you coulda bet your asses
If I had to come down the chimney dressed as Santa, kidnap them
And although one has only met their grandma once
You pulled up in our drive one night as we were leaving to get some hamburgers
Me, her and Nate, we introduced you, hugged you
And as you left I had this overwhelming sadness come over me
As we pulled off to go our separate paths,
And I saw your headlights as I looked back
And I'm mad I didn't get the chance to thank you for being my Mom and my Dad
So, Mom, please accept this as a tribute I wrote this on the jet
I guess I had to get this off my chest,
I hope I get the chance to lay it before I'm dead
The stewardess said to fasten my seat belt, I guess we're crashing
So if I'm not dreaming, I hope you get this message that I'll always love you from afar
'Cause you're my Ma

[Hook: Nate Ruess]
I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
Maybe we took this too far

[Verse 4: Nate Ruess]
I want a new life (start over)
One without a cause (clean slate)
So I'm coming home tonight (yeah)
Well, no matter what the cost
And if the plane goes down
Or if the crew can't wake me up
Well, just know that I'm alright
I was not afraid to die
Oh, even if there's songs to sing
Well, my children will carry me
Just know that I'm alright
I was not afraid to die
Because I put my faith in my little girls
So I never say, "Goodbye, cruel world."
Just know that I'm alright
I am not afraid to die

[Hook: Nate Ruess]
I guess we are who we are
Headlights shining in the dark night I drive on
Maybe we took this too far

I want a new life