• i overslept again this morning. sigh. i average about once a week this "jumping out of bed and fly to the bathroom" thingy each time he is away. haha.. don't know what to do with me. i'd be wide awake when it's time to sleep, and struggling to stay awake when it's time to work. my internal clock is running at UK time or something. maybe i should migrate there. yesterday i tweeted, unfair is the life of a nocturnal being in a diurnal world, and i stand by it. why do we have to wake up at the break of dawn? why can't our morning start at noon and our night end at 4am? that would be the perfect time. but noooo.. i have to be up with the sun.. didn't we stop worshiping it a few millennia ago? sigh. zzz..

• yingks was a precocious 12 year old boy when i first knew him - we were in the same worship team in church. when i became the team leader, he was one of my most trusted members, always punctual, always willing. i couldn't ask for more. and then he had to win the king's scholarship. heh. he set off to the UK some 4 years back, graduated top of his class, and is now a lecturer in one of the universities there. i was introduced to debbie when she came visiting KL back then, and got to know her more "thanks" to her housemate. i couldn't remember the details, but the latter once made life so unbearable for the former that she had to leave the house with only a shirt on her back, and somehow was put up at my place. we got to chatting in the night and i have really enjoyed her company. she too left for the UK on a scholarship after her pre-U and about a month or so back, she graduated with some amazing colours. and then, this happened. i am beyond joy for them, and wish them the best. they are one of the most wonderful and nicest kids i've ever known, and a perfect-for-each-other couple, and now that i've clearly crossed the hyperbolic line and about used up my limited gushy vocab, i will stop. right after i say that that was the best proposal i've ever read. *heart*

• i couldn't sleep last night and as usual was poking around the phone.. when a gnome said hi to me. i was immediately drawn to him as he began to tell me his story.. in reverse chronological order. yet i was captivated as i walked with him in the snow, down the hall with the red line, suited up, dressed down, took a trip to florida, soak in some sun, all the way back to where he began, in the woods. when i woke up, he was gone, but i introduced him to a friend, and we spoke of the good ol' times that the three of us shared -- the funny things and the deeper things. he was a good gnome.

• i have a friend who writes really well, the fluidity of his prose often sweeps my imagination away to some pretty incredible places (except when he's on geek mode waxing lyrical about his synthesizers and what-nots hehe).. so much so that most time when i keep in my heart what i couldn't describe in words, he would just step in and type away as if i had eloquently dictated to him. but no, he writes from his heart.. reading him never fails to comfort me and lift my spirit. today again he took the what was in my heart/heart (or somewhere between these two places)  and shared it with his friends. i'm ok with that cos they don't know who i am. he's an insomniac too, we might have bonded over that. ok so anyways he's not a friend as you might have guessed. but he might as well be. hahaha.. so perasan right? ;) 

this post is dedicated to you. :)

c'mere you chubby blob of awesomeness you... lemme throw my arms around you and squeeze the cuteness outta you...

Po: Ow! I thought you said acupuncture was going to make me feel better.
Mantis: Trust me, it will. It's just not easy to find the right nerve points under all this...
Po: Fat?
Mantis: Fur. I was gonna say fur.
Po: Sure you were.

Another sleepless night. Is this what old age is like?

Glad to be back sleeping in our bedroom again--been making the couch my bed the past two nights cos the aircond in the bedroom went kaput..got someone to fix it today and now it's up and running again :)

The night so far: Watched half an episode of House, and another half of Glee. Came up to bed. The light here was switched off and on and off and now on again. I finished a book. Played a game of Birzzle. Prayed for hubby who is away in Tawau preaching. Tinkered with the keyboard (musical instrument, not computer). Admired my collection of earrings which I spent the afternoon sorting by colour. Created a new playlist of slow songs, called it Doozy, wrongly thinking it meant sleepy--it's not. Checked facebook. Rolled and tossed about on the bed. Death Cab's Passanger's Seat is playing from the speakers plugged into my iPhone. Am reminded of today's gorgeous dusk sky painted in bold strokes of vermillion and amethyst.. None but you, Lord. Then looking upward, I strain my eyes and try to tell the difference between shooting star and satellite...do they collide, I asked and you smiled..

In that split second when your gaze held mine (or was it the other way round?), I wondered about you.

What were you like when you were young? Did you laugh much? How and why are you here? What songs do you hum to? What is your family like, parents siblings and children? How are you feeling and what are you thinking about? Are you thinking crazy thoughts, or are you just a 2D entity? What secrets burden your shoulders? What is your favourite color and food? Do you know love?

And then, just like that, we passed each other and the moment is lost, with nary a visible acknowledgement of the other's existence. We faded into the sea of people before our paths which never crossed again.

I let my questions go. They are trailing your shadows...

about a week back i was pigging out at a homely birthday celebration when the host, a kindly uncle who i've met only for the first time that evening, said to me, "you are such a joyful girl! that laughter is really something... :)"

(ok, he didn't have the smiley emoticon on his face, but he might as well have :D)

simultaneously, i:

• giggled at that remark, naturally hehe..
• thought about the volume and suddenness of my laughter which sometimes surprises even me, and some embarrassing moments when heads are turned my directions in public places when i "burst out" without warning, to which i would buat bodoh like nothing's happened of course *blush* :D 
• heard the Play button in my head being pressed to play this song..

you do it for the joy it brings
because you're a joyful girl
because the world owes me nothing
and we owe each other the world
I do it cause it's the least I can do
I do it cause I learned it from you
I do it just because I want to
just because I want to

soulive feat. dave matthews band :: joyful girl (ani difranco cover)

this is just one of those days. where i'm feeling super unmotivated and bleh. one of those days...

I was halfway through a book when I happened to flip to its dedication page. And when I saw this name, some memories came back instantly, like how I was at the Big Bad Wolf sale last year and this book was in my shortlisted stack of "to buy or not to buy". I had a budget you see, and I was unfamiliar with the author though later I would come to know via wiki that he was one of America's most prolific 20th century writers.

I had read the blurb and quite liked the premise of this book -- Edgar Wallace's The Feathered Serpent is a mystery novel, one of my fav genres -- but I couldn't decide. Then I saw her name and without another moment of hesitation, the book went to the "to buy" stack.

And who is she? Again, it turned out she was the author of another book on a list 100 must-read literature, as wiki would tell me. Anyways so, a couple of years back, when BookXcess was in its infancy, i picked up Daphne du Maurier's The Scapegoat at random, and I really liked it.

However, that few days ago when I saw her name, I immediately felt a tinge of sadness.. because I couldn't remember what I had liked about the book which I've claimed to have liked. Projecting that thought to other areas, I was reminded me that I have forgotten many things but have no idea what they are. Events and details from the past are like a blur or completely missing, like certain immigration reports *cough. I have no doubts that I have forgotten a great deal of my life, and it makes me feel somewhat.. incomplete. This feeling plain rattles me.

You know that is why I blog right, even though it makes for a real poor documentation cos of my inconsistent and imbalance entries. Heh. I blog so that I wouldn't lose more of me than I already have. These words might not seem like much, maybe downright insufficient and vague sometimes, but there are a tangible part of me.. and sometimes I feel vulnerable having people reading them and making conclusion of who I am. (And yet I make them public. That's paradox for you :) That said, whatever's written here are painfully put together, selected for your reading.. and for forming of a good impression of me :D

I was chatting to a friend recently, and it's since a long time since we last did.. around the time the ink dried on du Maurier's or Wallace's manuscripts I think. And if I thought my memory recall is bad, it was practically retrograde amnesia with her. Heh. Maybe it was her way of coping with issues or that is how she's made, but I wondered if she felt the same sadness sometimes.

So yeah.. just one line in that one book and all these emotions and thoughts and memories.. Heh.

I did a double take when I saw some of myself in you. For one, I never liked you much. But we, we never quite like us, do we? I only lack ruthlessness that is your weapon should you choose to wield, that digging efforts in me would be largely futile.. but it's not saying that I lack the propensity, just the will power or the mental acuity to exploit its potential. For that, I am grateful.. but I wonder if I could find another outlet, to build not burn.

Monday found me on my knees again

breathing you in

to blur the lines that mark where I begin

and where you end

no use in trying to pretend

come take me again

cause rumor has it I'm not who I've been

come define me

what can we do

if the rumors are true?

switchfoot :: I turn everything over

I am awake, 2 hours before the time I planned to be. I am greeted by the coolness of the morning (special thanks to my air-cond which pulled a all-nighter). The sun peeks at me lazily through my slightly torn orange curtain. I hear Jon crooning in my head so I hum along. But for the song in my head, it is quiet all around. I fire up the 'Pod to hear Jon better. I poke about FB and some blogs, curious about what people have been up to since I last checked out from consciousness. Some text msgs are exchanged and I smile to myself. Some can wait. I promise myself to get out of bed once I publish this. The husband is already downstairs, his day three hours in, awaiting my company for brekkie. But what I really wanna do is to curl myself up under the blanket and dream a little more.

Good morning, dear friends. :)

morning, sunrise
open my eyes
and i can tell it's gonna be a good day
i can tell it's gonna be a good day
did you sleep well? did you dream at all?
can you tell me the time on the alarm clock
but you can sleep in
you just keep dreamin' for us

priscilla ahn :: a good day (good morning song)

#7

When I spread bread, I make sure that the jam or butter or honey or egg or tuna filling goes across adequately (not too thick, not too thin) and if possible evenly across the entire surface, leaving no nook nor corner unspread. I don't like biting into a kosong area, unless I'm eating the piece kosong to begin with. 

I actually really like the bread ends crust, but not so much those on the middle pieces. But I don't remove them cos that's just wasteful.

I like soft white bread (best when steamed) but I've stopped buying them cos of the low nutritional values :( Am not a big fan of wholemeal but I eat them nevertheless. I love those with grains and stuff (nuts, seeds, raisins etc) best -- they are the ones truly deserving the phrase "so good you can even eat it on its own" (sorry, gardenia :)

Friendship takes place when one person says to another, What? You too? I thought I was the only one. - C. S. Lewis

in line with (y)our current obsession, this song's for you :) 

:: life love and why ::

may you find what you have been looking for.

here's to many more years of 

friendship and conversations and love and laughter.

blessed birthday, babe! ;)

how did i feel when i got this message?

i will punch you when i see you
even when i'm walking down the aisle at my wedding

wellll.....i just wanna hug the person. hahaha..

on top of that msg and a "saya benci @sillellis. you suck." tweet, i also had someone telling me "i hate you, you know" when i asked for direction to the godforsaken dewan mutiara where switchfoot's KL concert was held.. to these, i just wanna say, c'mere all.. *bear hugs* no really, c'mere.. i might still smell of the awesomeness that was switchfoot if you want a whiff hahhaha..

making silly faces, at the rock auditorium, between the opening acts (yes, plural.. and one of them were really good) and SF taking the stage

so yeah, i went for swithfoot's concert TWICE in the same weekend (thanks, jas, for planting the idea in my head and actually doing it ^__^).. i was a deliriously happy camper and i'm not apologizing for it!

the band was awesome la. i don't care how they compare to the others cos they are just awesome as they are.. and hearing songs you love performed live is really something. while the set list was similar, it was not the same.. and personally, i prefer the KL one.. they did a couple more songs from their latest album and they kinda acceded to my request!! ^__^

among others, they did Always (one of my favs) and Learning to Breathe (Jas' fav) and This is Home (from the Narnia OST)(some fan i am, i've not heard the song before so when everyone was singing along i was like, WHATSONGISTHIS???) hehe.. and they gave the KL fans TWO ENCORES cos we were awesome like that. *heart* sighhh the withdrawal syndrome ain't pretty ok. the only thing i wished we had were better seats. we were right behind the sound systems in Spore, and alllll the way at the back in KL.. so yeah.. i don't have any good pics of them. back in '08, i was soooooo close to the stage jon's sweat might have hit me hahaha.. oh well, can't have it all.

concerts aside, jas and i had a jolly good (too short!) time in spore, thanks for our very gracious and hospitable host eevon who put us up at her place and fed us a good meal (and more..) *contented sigh* i've been stalking eevon for a while now, and it felt good to "come clean".. hahaha.. it was weird for a while there, cos i felt like i knew so much abt her when i've not even held a proper conversation with her prior to this (she was an ex-coll back at my prev workplace, but we ran in different circles).. thankfully she was a good sport when she found out.. but it made me think that if i were in her shoes, i would feel reeeeallly uncomfortable and self-conscious.. so those of you reading my blog and never indicated to me that you are.. pls 'fess up! :D

my fav pic from our camhoring session in eevon's room with her new pairs of shades. 

turned it into a album cover with a random band name and album title.

happier times.. before eevon slapped me with a restraining order. haha..

i haven't been blogging, but it's not cos i didn't try. it's just an off-season for me i guess. hehe.. SF was awesome. both times oh yeah. but yeah, don't really wanna talk about it right now (other than the fact that i'm suffering from withdrawal syndrome from overexposure of  awesomeness), i'm in a great deal of discomfort. see the pic? i don't know how i did it but my middle finger is swollen. (my boss, upon seeing it, said, "oh no.. and i think your index finger is swollen too!" sigh. i just went, "no, i just have very thick fingers. the middle one is the only swollen one." "are you sure?" "yes, ma'am").. and it's unbecoming, but the only way i could relieve some of the pain is by flipping the bird. hahaha.. ouchie. saw the doc, he only gave me muscle relief cream. hasn't helped. i can't bend it, i can't type with it, and it feels like it's gonna burst. sigh. pray for healing for my swollen middle finger on the left hand, will ya? mucho gracias.

update: it's almost all good now. ^_^