I would like to remember that I stumbled upon this band called MUSH&Co. today while walking in Watsons (thank you Shazam!) and absolutely love these two songs by the band. It's a girl lead (surprise, surprise) and I can't seem to find much info on them in English though -- WHY OH WHY CAN'T I READ JAPANESE? Why did I stop my Nihongo lessons back then!? This is frustrating. Kthxbai. Oh btw I think these songs are from this movie The Liar and His Lover (Kanojo wa Uso o Aishisugiteru) which is from the eponymous manga series which I will totally check out. When I have the time. Ah, so many interests, so few minutes!

wild kitty appeared!

I was lying on the living room floor watching an anime on my laptop when my eyes caught something blurry running passed the couch to my right. For some reason I thought it was a cat, but I dismissed it quickly as that didn't seem plausible. There was a cat in the show so I thought I was imagining things.. and continued watching my show.

Suddenly, there was the movement again, and lo and behold, it was a kitten! In my house! I must have been as surprised as it was. It surveyed me for a few seconds and made a sudden run out to my porch and underneath my car. Like Alice, I went after the White Rabbit but because I didn't want to startle it further, I just sat at my doorstep and meowed softly trying to mimic it.

It didn't seem scared, and was running around my car, occasionally clawing at the tyre as it would a scratching post. It kept eyeing me with those big eyes, cautiously perhaps, but didn't make any attempt to run away. In fact, it would come very close each time I held out my hand, and it'd stop short and take a step back. We danced around like this for a while, so I think it was just being playful.

I thought it might be hungry so I went looking for something it could nibble on. It hungrily nom-ed what I gave it so I went a few times back into the kitchen to find whatever scraps of food I could feed it with. Too bad I didn't have much.

Anyway, after a while, I had to leave the house for dinner and when I got home, it was no longer there. I wonder if it would come back. If it does, I wonder if it would be mine. Ah, thanks kitty for warming my heart. :)

life and love and why

I had barely sat down when she took a seat beside me. Her smiling face was friendly and she asked if it was my first time there, and if I would be coming regularly. I said that I'd only be there today as I was with my husband who was a special guest there today. Her bubbly personality continued to engage me, and we conversed for a while. That was when I found out that she was a refugee from a South Asian country, and she has just recently arrived in Malaysia with her new husband and his family of seven more people. Something had happened back home, and they had to leave everything behind and flee. The young woman was well spoken -- well, she holds a degree in B.Comm with Honours from a reputable university back home. They looked like they were middle class citizens where they came from. Now here, the family of nine is sharing a small flat and are looking for work to support themselves, but without the necessary documents, it's impossible to find a proper job. We promised that we'd try to help them the best we could. They sounded hopeful, and expressed how grateful they are for being here.

My heart is heavy. My heart is light. My heart is broken. My heart is full. 
My heart is...

Sigh. I really don't know what to make of life and how to believe that God is in control when evidences point everywhere. In spite of my doubts, I truly believe that he is, he sees, he knows. Funny how this faith is what's driving me crazy and keeping me sane. God, please protect and sustain and strengthen them through this storm.

MH17 went down late last night. i thought i was dreaming when i read the headlines at 2ish when i got up to use the washroom. alas i wasn't. what is going on? sorrow upon sorrow, question upon question. silence. it's like we're hurling uncontrollably through dark space. my deepest condolences to the family and friends of all victims.

on friendship.

I found this gem of a quote by C.S Lewis in the Draft folder of my old blog (don't ask why I was poking around there hehe). I don't know why it never saw the light of the day; perhaps it was just waiting for now. I am thankful every day for the gift of friendships I'm so richly blessed with and would like to dedicate this to you who I call friend and kindred spirit..

To the ancients, friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue, the modern world, in comparison, ignores it. How has this come about?

The first and most obvious answer is that few value it because few experience it. Friendship is, in a sense not at all derogatory to it, the least natural of loves; the least instinctive, organic, biological, gregarious and necessary.. without Eros none of us would have been begotten, and without affection, none of us would have been reared; but we can live and breed without friendship. The species, biologically considered, has no need of it..

In some ways, nothing is less like a friendship than a love affair.. Above all, Eros (while it lasts) is necessarily between two only. But two, far from being the necessarily number for friendship, is not even the best. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend.

Of course the scarcity of kindred souls sets the limit to the enlargement of the circle; but within those limits we possess each friend not less but more as the number of those with whom we share him increases. In this friendship exhibits a glorious 'nearness by resemblance' to heaven itself where the multitude of the blessed increases the fruition which each has of God. For every soul, seeing him in her own way, doubtless communicates that unique vision to all the rest.

That, says an old author, is why the seraphim in Isaiah's vision are crying "holy, holy, holy" to one another (Isa 6:3).

- C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

The other night I was in my room when I suddenly thought I smelled something like smoke. I got up and went around checking in case something was burning. I checked the plugs and the curtains and around, but there was nothing. I thought it came from the neighbor but  my room is kinda sealed. Anyway, it happened a couple more times intermittently, so I thought my nose was just being sensitive.

And yesterday, when I got into the office, I smelled it again.. I thought it was my CEO as he has the tendency to light up a cigar when he's in the office and the smell would permeate from his wing to ours. But my colleague said she didn't smell anything, and I believe her because her usually sensitive nose would pick up on any unusual smell. Weird, right?

So I thought I'd just googled "smelling burning smell" which is like such a feeble search term so I did not expect anything much but lo and behold, it's actually a thing on the top result! So yeah, this condition is called phantosmia, a form of olfactory hallucination.

So yeah. MY NOSE IS HALLUCINATING. WUT. From wiki:

While most olfactory hallucinations are caused by a misinterpretation of a physical stimulus, phantosmia is the perception of a smell in the complete absence of any physical odors. The odor can range from pleasant to disgusting. Although the causes of phantosmia are uncertain, it often occurs with neurological and psychological disorders such as schizophrenia, mood disorders, Parkinsons disease, epilepsy, neuroblastoma, and frequent migraines.

Nobody panics now, but.... whaaat? Ergh, since it's not fatal or anything I'm not very worried. And I don't want to freak myself out so I'm not going to read anything more about it (ignorance is bliss :P) But this is just... I don't know... WEIRD??

My social calendar was full this week - something that happens like once a year around this time. The fasting month made after office hours traffic predictable so it was easy to slot in appointments. It was really good catching up with new and old friends esp those whom I rarely get to meet.. it's been a tiring but totally amazing week ^_^. Anyway this post isn't about that. It's about how I was saved from a flat tyre =)

So on Wednesday I had dinner w Jv at Avenue K's food court, Taste Enclave (I really like the food there - it has a good variety of yummy food and relatively cheap and I like the ambience too; the hubby and I would even sometimes go down there for lunch on the weekend).. it was his second last day at his then-current job, after which he'll be on a month's break before starting his new job - I'm excited for him! He took a train up to KLCC from B'sar where he worked, and I was to send him back to his car at the LRT station after work. And with me out every night this week, I was so thankful it happened on the night that he was with me! He pointed it out as we were walking towards my car -- I might not even have noticed the flat tyre otherwise bleh. It was his first time but it wasn't very difficult to figure out how to do it - I kinda have the know-how, it was just that I didn't have the strength.. I teased that he should thank me for the experience haha! Anyway, that was how he became my hero for the night -- mucho gracias Jv! ^_^

Just want to put this here cos I love this shot! ^_^ It looks like we're on the deck of a starship cruisin' through space.. heading towards the full moon that looks like a pearl atop the sky bridge.  

The tyre, flat as flat could be. The culprit was a screw - I have no idea when that happened.

Trying to figure out how to use the jack.

Putting the spare tyre in.

Finishing up!

loving the enemy

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. // Matthew 5:43-48

These verses have been dogging me for about a month now. And I've rhetorically asked myself those questions many times over. It's true la, that it's easy to love people who love you.. But I honestly don't know how to do the loving your enemies part and I imagine I might not want to do it. Couldn't I just forgive and then ignore them or maybe pity them? Why do you ask this of us, God? I just cannot imagine myself loving the likes of Ridhuan Tee and Ibrahim Ali and Bung Mokhtar. Srsly yuck, over my dead body! Please, God, no. No. NO.

NO. :(

Alice.

I love me a serendipitous find, and I love that I found Alice. I love how it sounds ethereal and poignant at the same time, like a beautiful sadness of sort.. and the words evokes a kind of wistfulness that I can't quite put my finger on, so yeah, this has been driving me blithely loopy this whole week.

I'm not sure if the title is based on Alice in Wonderland (there's a footnote in the video description that indicates such, but I don't know if it was just an opinion or if the author meant it that way) but I was drawn to the video by the name alone.. Growing up, AiW was one of my fav books, and even though I pretended to get flustered when people teased me by that name, I've always felt an affinity to it. I don't suppose this song has to do with her though, the lyrics tell of a different story, and based on the author's description about the song, it's something like this:

There are two of them, let's call them A (girl) and B (boy). It's a song from B's point of view, who's keeping an eye on A. I don't know if A realized B's feelings. They are always together, helping or counting on each other when facing troubles, but somehow they are not able to be in love with each other. And B did reckless things, and lost many things.—

Such is the story. I think that there are many people who have experienced this in them. And if you heard a sigh in this song, it means you have an experience which had passed your own happy summer.

Make what you want of that. Btw if you think that the singer sounds like a robot, it's because she is. The singer, Hatsune Miku (初音ミク), according to wiki "is a humanoid persona voiced by a singing synthesizer application developed by Crypton Future Media, headquartered in Sapporo city..." And she is personified as a 16-year-old girl with long turquoise pigtails, like this ----------------------------->

I think she's cute and I could see her appeal and if I had the chance I would like to attend one of her concerts (yes) just for the kick of it. I like robot machine android thingamagic. What's not to like about them? Predictable, efficient, objective, cold as iced cola on a hot sunny day what? Hmm, I think it's the same reasons I like cities. Blocks after blocks of dour, stately facades with a million stories behind their walls. Err what? And I can't explain this, but it's also why I'm for Germany this World Cup. Haha, let's move on before I lose you completely.

S said something yesterday that almost got me saying YES! out loud - "Sometimes I think my heart will burst from having too much feels." That's my exact thought, esp every time I ber-emo and ber-drama. How I wish I were a robot sometimes! I don't trust emotions too much cos I've seen the damage they could inflict and yet I'm brimming to the rim with so much feels I don't know what to do with them! If only it's transferable, I think the hub could use with a good dose =) But how terribly dull life would be without a good shot of zealous passion every now and then kan? I think I'll take leave now, right after I say amen! to Adam's quote below. =)

#WiseOwl Wednesday. pic.twitter.com/6JEkwxoykW
— Owl City (@owlcity) July 2, 2014

Romaji Toi, toi, waraenai hanashi Itsuka, boku ga inakunatta nara Fukai, fukai mori ni ochita Kimi wa hitori de yukundaze Tsunaida te ni wa yawaraka na taion Nigitta yubi ga yururi, hodoketara Kareta neiro no kane ga naru Kimi wa hitori de yukundaze Sono mama futari ayunde hitori Usotsuku koe mo mou taedae ni Utsumuki futari kage ga hitotsu Boku mo hitori de yukundaze? Kimi wa awai koi ni ochita Takai takai gake ni saku hana "Todokanai naa." Wakatteru kuse ni Kondo wa hitori de yukundaze Toi, toi, waraenai hanashi Itsuka, boku ga inakunatta nara Fukai, fukai mori ni ochita Kimi wa hitori de yukundaze Sore kara hitori aruite hitori Usotsuku koto mo mou tsukareta. Utsumuki hitori kogane no heya Kimi to futari de itandaze Boku wa fukai mori ni ochita. Kuroku susukete yogoreta kajitsu Sore de owari sore dake no hanashi Kimi wa hitori de yukundaze

English A long, long time ago, in a tragedy If ever comes a day that I go away Deeper and deeper into the forest I'll fall From that moment on, you’ll go alone Feeling a warm temperature in the hands we hold If ever comes a day they gently unfold A dry bell will sound echoing on its own From that moment on, you’ll go alone For we are two of a kind, when we walk, we are one The sound lies being told disappear like the sun And now we both bow our heads, only a single shadow Didn’t you know that I was also going alone? You fell into love of a gentle kind With a flower on top of a high, high cliff “It’s so hard to reach”, I know you know So this time, you’ll have to go alone A long, long time ago, in a tragedy If ever comes a day that I go away Deeper and deeper into the forest I'll fall From that moment on, you’ll go alone And I am one of a kind, when I walk, I am alone I’ve grown weary of lying to the bone Now I bow my head in this golden room I was here with you, and now it’s gone too soon In a forest deep, I sank and I knew I’m a charred and dirty forsaken fruit And that is the end, there’s nothing more to recount From this moment on, you’ll go alone

It's a girl!

Post by 王力宏 Wang Leehom.

Welcome, precious one! :) Heartiest congratulations to the new parents! ^_^

of siblings and mermaids

It has been a weekend of binge watching for me (okay, there was also the visit to my siblings' place in JB, which was totally uneventful and totally awesome! *heart* =) Sis and I did up the guest room with some items I got from IKEA - we assembled a shelf, a clothes rack and a floor light, and spending time doing that was fun! I only wished that the bros weren't working this weekend - I saw so little of them! :( That said, it wasn't like we talked a lot but still, it was really nice just being there, being together for whatever time we had.. ^_^

Anywayyyy, I had a slow start to this anime called Seto no Hanayome early this week (h/t to Dz for the recommendation).. but it picked up speed and I finished all 26 episodes about 30mins ago and OMG IT'S THE FUNNIEST THING EVARR. Its humor is right up my alley and I've lost count of all my unbecoming and literal LOL moments.. It's just so OTT, I don't even know how to begin describing it. The husby even banished me to our room because I was distracting him from the Wimbledon tennis final (Djoko won 3-2 over Fed). But srsly, I haven't laughed so much watching anything in a longgg time! :D I got J started on it too but jury's still out on if she'd finish it, cos she said it reminded her of how she felt watching The Lego Movie (which she was meh about, and which I thought was the BEST MOVIE EVARRR (you see where we're going here).. so yeah. Okay, if I were to be pedantic, there were some things about the series that kinda irked me (in particular the female lead's POV on certain issues), butttt I'll just take a chill pill and revel in its slapstick silliness. So yeah I wuv it! Click here to stream the show.  

Once a year around this time, I'll have to battle the decision on whether to move on from my job or not. And chatting to M (my ex-boss) just now kinda ignited the cycle again. She's always trying to convince me to leave for greener pasture by telling me how much my peers are earning. And srsly, those amounts are so huge, I can't even... but I just don't see myself being able to fill a bigger role, I'm not ambitious, I'm not a strategic thinker, I'm not leader material.. but I like that she thinks that I have it in me.

Sigh, just gonna be feeling restless and depressed until I come to a decision. I don't even want to begin thinking about what's next should I choose to leave. But maybe I'd fail at every interview and have to stay put by default.. and deal with my shattered self esteem. I just can't win this, can I??

Mm I told myself last year that I'd see the outcome of this year's performance appraisal before deciding, so that's what I'm going to do. I just hate to have to deal with the emotional bits of it right now.

: \

me, success kid?

Hmm, going by this list, I suppose I'm doing pretty well in life. Let's see..

1. Your relationships are less dramatic than they used to be. - YESSS
Drama is not maturity. As we age, we should develop maturity. So maybe your relationships were drama-filled in your past, but if you have moved beyond that, then you are successful.

2. You are not afraid to ask for help and support any more. - I SUPPOSE SO.
Asking for help does not equal weakness. In fact, it is a strength. No person has ever succeeded in isolation. It takes teamwork to accomplish goals. Asking or help is a sign that you have grown as a person.

3. You have raised your standards. - OR HAVE I LOWERED THEM?
You don’t tolerate bad behavior any more – from other people, or even yourself. You hold people accountable for their actions. You don’t spend time with the “energy vampires” in your life anymore.

4. You let go of things that don’t make you feel good. - KINDA
No, this is not narcissistic even though it might seem like it. Self-love is success. Love yourself enough to say ‘no’ to anything that doesn’t make you happy, doesn’t serve your purpose, or drags you down.

5. You have moments where you appreciate who you see in the mirror. - YEA, THE WONDERS OF MAKEUP
Ideally, you should appreciate who you see in the mirror at every moment. But even if that doesn’t happen, if you do it more than you used to, then that is success. Love yourself. You are awesome.

6. You have learned that setbacks and failure are part of self-growth. - WOULDN'T I KNOW IT.
Not everyone can have success 100% of the time. That’s just not realistic. Life is about victories and losses. So look at your setbacks as stepping stones to something better. In reality, there really is no such thing as as setback. It’s all just part of a wondrous journey.

7. You have a support system that includes people who would do anything for you. - YES :)
If you have figured out the people who “have your back” and recognized the ones who only pretend that they do, then you have succeeded. This is a painful realization, but once you learn to see the signs of betrayal, you can stay away from those people.

8. You don’t complain much. - NOT SURE ABOUT THIS ONE.
Because you know there really is nothing to complain about. Unless you really have gone through some horrific life experience and had unimaginable losses, most of what we all experience on a day-to-day basis is just mundane. And successful people know that. And they live in a space of gratitude.

9. You can celebrate others’ successes. - YES
Just because other people succeed, that doesn’t make you a failure. Applaud the people who rise to the top. The more positive energy you give to other people’s victories, the more you will create your own.

10. You have passions that you pursue. - ERR. YES? MAYBE. NOT SURE.
You are not stagnant. You know you have something wonderful to contribute to the world. You have unique talents and gifts. Not only do you know that, you pursue it.

11. You have things to look forward to. - YES!
If you don’t have exciting things going on in your life that you are eagerly anticipating, then you are slowly dying inside. Successful people create goals that they are passionate about pursuing. They let this excitement drive their life.

12. You have goals that have come true. - YES
Even though “failures” are a part of life, you have stuck to your goals and dreams long enough to make them come to fruition. You have some tastes of victory. It fuels you.

13. You have empathy for others. - YES
A person without empathy is dead inside. Empathy equals spreading love and positive energy into the world. Successful people know this. They love others as if they are family.

14. You love deeply and open yourself up to be loved by others. - YES
Love is risky, and sometimes scary for people. It’s the one thing we all strive for, but it’s also intimately tied to the one thing we fear the most – rejection. If you open your heart enough to love and be loved, then you are successful.

15. You refuse to be be a victim. - YES
You know that life doesn’t always happen to you. Many times, you are a co-creator of your life experiences. Successful people know this and refuse to be kept down by life experiences. The rise up and conquer anyway.

16. You don’t care what other people think. - FOR MOST PART, YES
You know you can’t please everyone. You know that the standards with which society judges people is many times unrealistic. So you just keep true to yourself and love the person you are.

17. You always look on the bright side. - YES
Life can be full of disappointments – if you choose to see them that way. Otherwise, they are learning opportunities. No negative experience is ever wasted as long as you learn from it.

18. You accept what you can’t change. - MM, YES?
Let’s face it – there many things you can’t change in life. All you can change is how you view what happens. If you can change your negative perspective on situations to a positive one, then you are successful.

19. You change what you can. - YES
And let’s face it again – there are many things you can change in life. Successful people don’t sit around accepting the negatives that are changeable. They get out there and do something about it!!

20. You are happy. - YES!
To me, this is the ultimate definition of success. It doesn’t matter what the balance is in your bank account, how big your house is, or how many fancy vacations you take. If you are happy, then you are succeeding in life.

I suppose as long as the definition of success doesn't take into account career achievements or monetary gains, I should be okay hehe! Sometimes I do wish I have those as well... but oh well, I KNOW that I'm very, very blessed so I'm really thankful for all I have.

Sixth season. #CommunitySixthSeason

— Joel McHale (@joelmchale) June 30, 2014

Now I can die in peace (after the movie of course).
You have my eternal gratitude, Yahoo!
This must be what near-death experience is like.
I'm overjoyed to the point of delirium so please excuse this badly structured post.
Lol who would have thought that there is a knight in shining armour after all.

#sixseasonandamovie

Update:
Lol, L knows what's up. :D