somewhat sille, that's me!

warning: long rant ahead.

call me naive, but my experience with the shareholders at my company's recent event left a real bad taste in my mouth. it's not like i have not seen or have not heard what they are capable of, because i have. every year, every time, everywhere, it is the same. i'm not sure why i am particularly affected this time.

but yeah, i have never met a bunch of people who are so, so greedy it makes me wanna puke. and nuke 'em.  i keep thinking about how those people making so much noise over the offer price (when it was at a good premium and much more than what they have paid for, but they wanted to suck the company dry. yes, they actually demanded for every last sen we have. sure, just take all the money. take my job and my bonus while you are at it. oh wait, you already took my bonus.), how they were so unruly when clamoring for the free gift (there were more than enough for everyone, but they were sooo kiasu and refused to queue. to the uncle who so loudly called me an idiot and questioned my ability when all i asked was for you to please queue up to get your gift, you disgust me still. some were just so shameless and even tried tricking us into giving them more! yes, i'm sure your voucher is with your friend who seemed to have mysteriously disappeared), how they shove food onto their plates and for goodness's sake, into containers they brought (we ordered for twice the number of people, and yet, there was not enough food!). some even brought flasks to bring home the coffee (which wasn't even good!)(is this how the rich stay rich?).. i know this is a some kinda game for some of them, but IT'S JUST TOO DISGUSTING. i cannot stomach it. and i just hate it. it's one of those times when i really hate corporate work.

this seething anger reminds me of my own failing. i hate it that i could fly off the handle over the slightest thing. i hate it that i cannot control my anger and self-righteousness. i hate knowing that it's not what Jesus would do, but yet, knowing that doesn't stop me in my track. i hate it that i fail again and again at every test (for patience, for anger) that comes my way. it's so frustrating sometimes. all the time. i wish i had handled that uncle with more grace than he deserved. but stopping myself short of putting him in his place with some choice words is all i could say i have achieved that day. not proud of myself.

argh! this is so energy consuming. maybe that's why i'm TATT.

have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love.
because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins.
wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin.
for I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night.
psalm 51:1-3 (NLT)