somewhat sille, that's me!

So it seems like I'm approaching Eminem's latest album one song at a time. Today I've been looping and listening to track #11 Stronger Than I Was. It's an atypical song for him -- for one, he sang half the song (kinda like what he did on Hailie's Song). He usually gets a lot of flak for singing, and he's admitted as many times that his singing isn't up to par, but to my untrained ears, it's pretty decent, not great, but.. well, it sounds like him, singing, so yeah, it's cool. Maybe it's just me. I like his voice. Sometimes I play his interviews just to hear him talk. Although he often comes off angry when he sings, I find his talking voice soothing and assuring. Maybe it's just me. Anyway, I love this song from the first listen. There's something to it that I can't put my finger on. It feels familiar and foreign at the same time, and I found comfort in that contradiction. I also think his untrained vocal vibed hints of vulnerability and earnestness, and all that made this work. Maybe it's just me.

Some commenters have said that this song was written from his ex-wife's Kim's POV, especially the first part, but I think it vacillates between the two of them. You know, I do sympathize with him in that the two main women figures in his life were of very volatile personalities. I'm not excusing his misogynistic expressions (I feel like I'm doing that every time I try to justify him, but that's not my intention), but having seen the pattern of his trust being violated over and over again, I feel he deserved a break. And he got it. Should he have risen above that after all these years? It would have made an inspiring tale if he has, but the story isn't over yet, right? Anyway, he has mended his relationship with Kim since, and they are now able to work seamlessly as a team of parents to their kids. He's also apologised to her in the previous album in Going Through Changes so I guess it's all good at this point...

Hailie this one is for you, Whitney and Alaina too,
I still love your mother, that'll never change,
think about her every day, we just could never get it together.
hey, wish there was a better way, for me to say it,
but I swear on everything, I'd do anything for her on any day.
there are just too many things, to explain, when it rains,
guess it pours, yes it does, wish there wasn't any pain.
but I can't pretend there ain't, I ain't placing any blame,
I ain't pointing fingers, heaven knows I've never been a saint.
I know it just feels like we just pissed away our history,
but just today, I looked at your picture, almost if to say,
I miss you self consciously, wish it didn't end this way.
but I just had to get away, don't know why,
I don't know what else to say, I guess I'm.. [going through changes]

eminem :: going through changes

But wait, that's not the song I was talking about. It's this one below - do check it out! :) So far, so good, so hmm, what song should I check out next? A bit apprehensive cos I don't wanna break the streak haha!

and I thank you cause you made me a better person than I was

but I hate you cause you drained me, I gave you all, you gave me none

but if you blame me, you're crazy and after all that's said and done

I'm still angry, yeah, I maybe, I may never trust someone

eminem :: stronger than I was

Mm btw I'm falling ill again (got sick a few days in Taiwan too), and I'm traveling again tomorrow to Miri, so say a prayer for me please.

A final parting thought, I've been thinking about this guy (a friend of some friends) who recently died a hero. He was an outdoor enthusiast and operated his own adventure company. He died saving one of his clients from drowning, and his death was apparently a great loss to many. I've read a few testimonies (this for one) about what an awesome person he was, and the many lives that has touched and helped and saved over the years, in church and wherever else he was. Everyone agreed that he lived his life to the fullest and was a commendable steward of that life he was given. He was only 42 and left behind his wife and two kids and I guess the inevitable question on everyone's mind is why the Lord took him home so soon. He wasn't the first person whose departure warranted this question, but I guess it had to be asked. And as expected, God remains silent. Sigh~

I've often wondered how I would be eulogized at my funeral. I don't dream of greatness at all, but I want my life to count for something. I'll leave it to God to decide what that something is, and I pray that I will be faithful when it's entrusted to me.